When we are in love, we tend to notice every little thing about our man’s behavior, especially if he pulls away.
Men generally tend to be more emotionally stable, assertive, experimental, and orderly.
So, any change in their usual behavior is easily noticeable.
However, what is not easy is seeking answers to why they’ve changed.
All women have asked themselves why men pull away at some point in their relationship.
Yes, this implies that all men do it, which is true.
What’s different in each man is the reason behind him pulling away.
Some reasons are positive (beneficial for the relationship and no harm intended), while others are more negative.
In today’s article, you will discover a few reasons why men pull away.
Once you know these reasons, you should be able to take the necessary steps to restore your relationship, or leave the man.
After all, your power in the relationship is important.
As a woman you probably feel vulnerable, so your power in the relationship is just as important as the man’s, but of course he has to accept your needs and wants as well.
By learning these 7 reasons why men pull away, you will be able to make the right choice for yourself (and the relationship) moving forward.
Related: How to Turn The Tables When He Pulls Away.
1. The Past Resurfaces
It is a commonly held belief, unfortunately, that men feel less.
However, men tend to commit deeply when they do, and any failure suffered afterward can leave them scarred.
And he might not be self aware enough to tell you, or just straight out be scared to tell you about it.
You have to understand that we all have histories.
Not everyone’s past has set them up for future relationship success.
When trauma associated with these memories resurfaces, he may not even tell you.
If he does tell you, of course you should console him and comfort him.
Try letting him know that you are there regardless, and talk to him about his thoughts and concerns.
However, given that most guys aren’t going to want to sit down and talk about it, it’s going to need a bit of patience on your part to try to understand and appreciate how his past has shaped him.
So how does the past actually affect a man in the present?
- It could make him pull back out of fear of being hurt
- It could make him realize he doesn’t have the resources and emotional space to give you the commitment you need (if he has an ex wife or kids in the picture for example, or serious demands from family)
- It could make him unable to share true intimacy with you. If his trauma is extensive and he’s never resolved it, he may have a long road ahead of healing.
2. He’s In love But Overwhelmed
In 2017, a study of 172 college students found that men tend to fall in love faster.
But, this doesn’t mean that they always think before they leap.
Falling in love is often an impulsive, emotionally-ridden response and may not be rooted in reason.
Having said that, a man falling in love with you is the highest currency or value you can receive from a man. Period.
I’m not talking about infatuation or sexual desire here. I’m talking about true romantic feelings.
If he’s in love, his whole life and circumstances will have to change completely in order to orient himself towards committing to you.
And that may be a scary thought that induces commitment resistance in a man.
So, if your man seems lost and uninvolved in the relationship, it is quite likely he isn’t sure of what steps to take next, or is recalibrating himself to the current situation.
Although you may be tempted to address his feelings and the confusion around this issue, he may not thrive through talking about his emotions.
You can still be a good listener when he does want to talk.
Do not pass judgments based on your own feelings alone and try to be empathetic to what he says.
Usually, men feel socially and culturally burdened with responsibilities related to the future of the relationship.
They feel that making you happy is a huge responsibility, and this can make them pull away.
So: try to give him a safe, dependable space.
One important thing to do is to maintain your high value during this time.
If you stoop low and act desperate, then he won’t want to come closer.
If instead you show him even during these times, you’re a high value woman worthy of trusting and keeping, he will come back with more love and appreciation to offer you.
If you’d like to know the exact steps to stay high value in your unique situation, we have a course on how to stay high value when he pulls away in all contexts. CLICK here to discover more.
(The promise of this course is for you to learn the secret to showing up & staying as a high value woman when your man pulls away, so that he can come back to you with more interest, more desire & more appreciation for you.)
3. Self Doubt
Why do men pull away?
The little-known reason is self doubt.
Men are traditionally perceived as the bearers of responsibility, the tough ones, and the ones who aren’t allowed to fail.
It is no wonder many men grow up thinking that they are supposed to keep the relationship together.
But, with this can also grow a strong sense of self-doubt.
A relationship is a team effort. You are as much responsible for it as your man.
But, he needs to realize it.
Become a source of mental strength to him.
Be gentle with him, remind him as often as you can that you are there to help, and persuade him to give up on the burdens which are not his.
Appreciate his efforts so that he can slowly build up the confidence your relationship needs.
Related: How To Appreciate A Man.
4. Lack of Personal Space
The reason why men pull away can be a lack of personal space.
A relationship shouldn’t take up too much of one’s personal space–and men are especially very touchy about their personal space.
We as women often find it difficult to draw the line between personal space and shared space but trust that over time you’ll learn the difference.
Of course, if indeed you don’t learn the difference, then it can be troublesome.
So try to respect that he is a man and needs some time in his ‘man cave’.
You will need to show some flexibility.
Don’t always think that his personal space is a threat to your relationship.
Let him spend time with his friends, don’t force him to make certain choices, encourage him to take up hobbies, and appreciate his own case of self-love.
If he feels free in the relationship, he will care for you more and you will acquire more power in the relationship.
5. Communication Gap
If your man either fights with you constantly or avoids interaction, it is quite likely there is some misunderstanding or he finds communication with you akin to stepping on a landmine.
You can fix this if and only if you learn to appreciate and understand each other, and I mean you both.
Understandably, partners can be difficult to deal with.
Men tend to withdraw when the intent is lacking from the other end to resolve a dispute or exchange affection.
For you to keep your power intact, you must earn it–and it takes sincere efforts.
If you love him, tell him you do.
If you don’t like something he did, tell him but don’t blast off like a volcano erupting with intent to destroy all in its path.
Especially without warning.
Don’t falsely condone a mistake of his. In other words, be authentic – don’t pretend you’re ok with certain hurtful behavior of his when you’re actually not, deep in your heart.
Because you are likely to actually bring that mistake up later on in fights, and he would very rightfully question your authenticity and trustworthiness.
So keep in mind that authenticity is essential.
Of course, you can be a fully authentic woman – but with the wrong man.
What do I mean?
I mean, you could be wasting your time with a guy who has no real intention to emotionally commit to you.
How would you know?
You can discover how commitment-friendly he is by taking our free quiz here: QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!
6. He has someone else in mind
Why do men pull away?
Well, a very obvious reason why men pull away is distraction.
See, faithfulness is a virtue.
Not everyone is capable of protecting it. While we are aware of this, it is still terribly painful when we don’t have faithful partners.
If your man is emotionally and/or physically uninvolved in the relationship, your worries aren’t baseless, and infidelity could be a potential cause of it.
See: 15 Conclusive Physical Signs He Is Sleeping With Someone Else.
However: you have to keep yourself together and not jump to conclusions too quickly.
Firstly, you’ll have to stay observant of your man’s behavior, notice the deviations, and address them in a well-thought-out and calm discussion.
But protect your boundaries:
Don’t let him gaslight you, and stay firm with your observations.
Avoid being too aggressive but stay assertive (there’s a difference!).
Staying assertive means to trust your observations, instinct and gut feeling.
You should be able to get some answers for his behavior if you notice and take in information coming to you through all avenues.
7. Just Not Your Fairytale
Do you feel that the spark is lost?
Do you feel that despite his efforts he feels cold and frustrated?
When he brings flowers, he seems to do it out of convention rather than affection.
He just doesn’t celebrate moments now and constantly gets into fights with you.
He cries, laughs, and cries again and complains that it isn’t working out.
Then, my darling, it is not working out.
I don’t think I need to explain here why men pull away in such relationships.
These relationships have become pointless.
Despite the obvious love between you, the realities of life do not seem to fit into the equation.
Perhaps you know deep down inside that in your relationship with him, there is no growth, just a flatline.
In such a case, you will have to take heed. See it for what it is.
If you feel like it, you can try to talk with him and discuss any potential solutions.
If there aren’t any solutions, you both should pull away.
There is no point in sustaining your power in a relationship that doesn’t exist.
Men are complex beings – at least for us women.
While they claim to be bold in relationships, they tend to avoid interpersonal conflicts, especially with a woman they don’t see as the ‘right woman’.
Quite often, a man will pretend that everything is okay, but his actions show a different story.
As naturally inquisitive beings, we as women find it difficult to seek answers from them.
But, if you have the right questions, you may get the right answers.
However, the trick is that sometimes you can’t ask him those questions, you’ll have to ask yourself, and hear the answers screaming at you deep down.
Self-evaluate your relationship overall.
Look at his actions and his explanations. How true and authentic do they feel?
Is he just keeping you around whilst never actually intending to emotionally commit to you?
If so, then you might be his ‘one of many’.
In other words, you’re not his one and only. (CLICK here to learn more about what makes a woman the ‘one and only’).
Now, as you ask yourself the tough questions, go back to the reasons mentioned above to figure out whether any of them makes sense for your situation.
Now, before I close the article for good, let me take up a few frequently asked questions that may have come to your mind.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Why do guys pull away when they are falling in love?
As you must’ve understood already, there can be several reasons for the same.
He feels insecure about his abilities, has had bad relationships in the past, or feels that his partner doesn’t acknowledge him (read: offer him enough value).
Love might stay but conflicts may emerge because of these issues.
What is the main reason men pull away?
There isn’t a single reason why men pull away.
I have listed 7 of them but there could be several other reasons.
For instance, some people are psychologically incapable of committing to a single relationship.
Or, certain men give in to societal pressures and let go of relationships to avoid backlash.
Every case is to be treated separately.
What to do if a guy starts pulling away?
- Focus on staying high value. That’s the most important thing.
Because women tend to react badly to their guy pulling away, and you’ll have to pay a price for that.
Here are some steps on how to stay high value when he pulls away.
- Give it time and patience. See if he has anything to say.
- If you’re extremely bothered, hurt and angry at him for pulling away unexpectedly, then there is one phrase you can say to him that will make you high value, retain your power and cause him to hang onto every word you say.
CLICK here to discover the one thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say!
- If you’re already in an established relationship with him, then you can talk.
It is such an underrated act but is vital to the survival of your relationship.
Any time you feel that your guy has started pulling away you should intervene.
Don’t accuse him, hear his side, address the issues, and work together toward a resolution.
But, it is advised that you don’t lose yourself and your value completely.
Simply put, don’t let go of your power by grovelling for his affection and time.
What to say when he pulls away?
If you’re just dating and the relationship is in its early stages, as mentioned above, there is one specific phrase you can say to him that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say!
However if you’re in an already established relationship, there are a number of things you can say to him.
For example, you can:
- Ask him how he is feeling these days
- Tell him that you are feeling that he isn’t present anymore Ask him whether there is anything that you should know; or
- Ask him what you can do to make things good again.