Why Do Guys Stop Putting in Effort? 21 Common Reasons Explained

why do guys stop putting in effort

If you feel like you’re putting in too much effort into a one sided relationship, you’re not the only one.

You may find yourself questioning why your guy’s romantic gestures and attentive behavior seem to have diminished.

There are multiple factors that can contribute to a guy pulling away and becoming less invested in the relationship.

Understanding the reasons behind this change in behavior could help ease your mind and identify the source of the problem.

(no, the relationship isn’t always over!)

While you may worry that you’ve done something wrong, in many cases, this shift might not be directly related to your actions.

Knowing how to respond when he stops putting in the effort can be crucial for determining the future of your relationship.

QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!

Key Takeaways

  • Recognizing when a guy stops putting effort into a relationship can help you identify and address the issue.
  • Multiple factors can contribute to a decrease in effort, including personal, psychological, or relationship issues.
  • Knowing how to handle the situation when your partner’s effort wanes is crucial for maintaining a healthy and successful relationship.

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What Does No Effort Look Like in a Relationship?

In order to recognize a lack of effort in a relationship, it’s essential to understand what putting effort in a relationship entails.

In healthy relationships, both partners demonstrate commitment, selflessness, understanding, trust, and consideration for one another’s needs.

Effort is shown through actions such as listening attentively, exchanging loving messages, problem-solving, and planning quality time together.

These gestures showcase love and commitment without necessarily being extravagant.

When a guy stops putting effort into the relationship, his actions (or lack thereof) can be perceived as the opposite of those mentioned above.

Even if he claims to love you, his behavior may not match his words, leading to confusion and pain on your part.

If you’ve been putting in more effort than him for quite some time, I’m sure you know that it can be emotionally draining and ultimately disappointing.

It is difficult to decipher his intentions or plans for the relationship’s future. You can’t have only one partner putting in effort into a relationship!

If you notice signs like rarely being contacted first, having to plan all your dates, or constantly being told that he loves you but without any tangible proof, it could be a red flag that your love interest isn’t putting in the necessary effort.

I advise taking a step back and analyzing the situation objectively.

It’s crucial not to make assumptions and to communicate openly about your concerns to determine the real reasons behind the lack of effort – whether it’s due to personal issues, reevaluating commitments, or losing interest in the relationship.

Keep in mind that maintaining a healthy, balanced relationship is not just about receiving effort but also about reciprocating it.

In other words, you don’t want to just be a taker, demanding things without understanding where he’s at.

It’s still entirely possible that you’re been putting too much effort into the wrong things (as heartbreaking as that might be to hear).

QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz! (All the answers you seek about him lie within these 8 questions.)

Why do guys stop putting effort into their relationship?

In this section, we’ll discuss various reasons why men might stop putting effort into their relationship.

These reasons can vary greatly, but they’re important to understand if you want to maintain a healthy connection with your man.

1. You’re Just an Option, Not a Priority

Sometimes, a guy might not be as invested in a relationship as you are. He might see you as one of many options, rather than his one and only.

2. He Feels You’re Not Embracing Your Feminine Side

Men may feel disconnected from their partner if they perceive them as being too unfeminine. Embracing your feminine energy can help you connect with your partner on a deeper level.

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3. You Made Him Angry

If a guy is angry at you for some reason, he might pull back from putting effort into the relationship. Addressing and resolving conflicts can help reduce this effect.

4. He Met Someone Else

It’s possible that a guy may lose interest in a relationship because he has met another woman. In this case, it’s important to have open and honest communication.

5. He Has an Avoidant Attachment Style

Some people have avoidant attachment styles, making them less inclined to get close to others. Understanding their attachment style can help you navigate the relationship more effectively.

6. You Take Advantage of Him

If a guy feels taken advantage of, he may stop putting effort into the relationship. Make sure you’re appreciative of his efforts and contribute equally to the relationship.

7. He’s Mentally Unwell

Depression and other mental health issues can cause people to struggle with maintaining relationships. Supporting your partner’s mental health can help improve the overall quality of your relationship.

8. The Spark is Fading

Over time, the initial excitement of a relationship may fade. Reigniting that spark and keeping the romance alive can help maintain the effort both partners put into the relationship.

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9. Frequent Fights

Constant arguments can be draining and might cause a guy to stop putting in effort. Working on effective communication and conflict resolution can lead to a healthier, happier relationship.

10. He Needs Space

Sometimes, people need space to reflect and recharge. If your partner is feeling overwhelmed, giving him that space can help restore his motivation to put effort into the relationship.

MORE: 6 Definite Signs He Wants You to Leave Him Alone & How to Deal With It.

11. Lack of Respect

If a man feels disrespected, he may stop investing effort in the relationship. Show your respect and appreciation for your partner to maintain a strong connection.

12. Lack of Appreciation

Similarly, if a guy doesn’t feel appreciated, he might not see the value in putting in effort. Acknowledge and appreciate the things he does for you and the relationship.

13. He Feels Misunderstood

Miscommunication and feeling misunderstood can lead to a decrease in effort from both partners. Strive to understand your partner’s perspective and needs.

14. He’s Insecure

Insecurity can cause a person to withdraw from a relationship. Encourage your partner and help build his confidence to strengthen your connection.

15. Past Relationship Struggles

Unresolved issues from past relationships can negatively affect a person’s ability to fully invest in a new relationship. Address these issues together to create a stronger bond.

16. He’s Taking His Time

Some people just need more time to dive into a relationship fully. If your partner is taking his time, be patient and allow the relationship to develop at a pace that feels comfortable for him.

17. He’s Afraid of Hurting You

A guy might hold back in a relationship out of fear of causing pain or harm. Open communication can help ease these fears and enable him to put forth more effort.

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18. He’s Unsure of What He Wants

Uncertainty about future goals or desires can cause a man to stop putting in effort. Discussing each other’s goals and dreams can help clarify your partner’s intentions for the relationship.

19. He’s Extremely Busy

A busy schedule can lead to less time and attention spent on the relationship. Try to understand and support your partner’s workload while finding ways to maintain your connection.

By understanding these various reasons, you can ensure that you and your partner maintain a strong and healthy relationship built on mutual effort and understanding.

20. He Was Future Faking

Narcissists do this often – future faking. It entails him faking grand promises that he cannot keep in order to string you along. You never truly end up with the commitment you deserve!

21. You’re Showing Up Low Value

When you’re showing up low value, usually it’s because you’re taking much more value than you’re giving, and looking more like a leech than a high value woman. So ask yourself: in what ways might I have been extracting too much value?

By the way: There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?

CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)

What to Do When He Is Not Putting in the Effort?

It’s discouraging when a man doesn’t put much effort into a relationship, right?

But instead of complaining or getting angry, you can inspire him to make an effort. Here’s what you can do when your love interest isn’t putting in the effort:

  1. Understand that men are not naturally relationship-driven: Men are typically less experienced and intuitive in relationships compared to women. While they may be driven towards intimacy, they are not naturally inclined to create a long-term, committed relationship until they meet the right woman. You can use this knowledge to empathize with your guy and guide him through the relationship journey.
  2. Focus on your feminine energy: Men are drawn to a woman’s feminine core, which invites and allures them. Embracing your natural feminine energy, such as vulnerability and softness, can inspire your man to cherish and protect you.
  3. Set and maintain healthy boundaries: If you feel that he’s taking you for granted while you put in so much effort, it’s crucial to establish and enforce boundaries. Make sure he knows your limits regarding communication, personal space, and responsibilities. The balance between setting boundaries and allowing him the freedom to express himself could enhance relationship quality.
  4. Recognize his value: Sometimes, guys might withdraw from relationships if they believe they’re not appreciated or valued. Acknowledge his positive qualities, efforts, and achievements, and communicate that you value his presence in your life.
  5. Have open communication: One-on-one conversations are essential for understanding each other’s expectations and needs. If your man isn’t putting in the effort, spend time discussing it with him in a calm and non-judgmental manner. Remember to use “I” statements and avoid blame.

Some other strategies to consider:

  • Give him space to reassess his priorities and desires.
  • Prioritize self-care and personal growth, ultimately building your self-esteem.
  • Create new experiences together to keep the relationship fresh and exciting.
  • Be patient and remember that relationships might change and require effort from both parties.

Remember, understanding and empathizing with your love interest while focusing on your feminine energy and maintaining healthy boundaries can make a significant difference. It’s essential to openly communicate and value each other for a lasting, committed relationship.

QUIZ TIME: Anxious, avoidant or secure attachment patterns? Which one do I have? CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz! (Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)

why do guys stop putting in effort


In order to maintain a healthy and happy relationship, it is important for both partners to make an effort and compromise. Here are some key elements to keep in mind:

  1. Embrace your differences: Men and women often have different perspectives and approaches when it comes to relationships. Instead of expecting your partner to think and act like you, appreciate the strengths that each of you bring to the relationship.
  2. Practice active listening: Pay attention to your partner’s needs, concerns, and emotions. This involves not only hearing what they say but also understanding the meaning behind their words. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification if something is unclear.
  3. Share hobbies and activities: Engaging in activities together, whether it’s a shared hobby or a new adventure, can bring you closer as a couple and create lasting memories.
  4. Show appreciation: Don’t take your partner for granted. Regularly express gratitude for the little things they do and make an effort to show them you care.
  5. Communicate openly: Honest and open communication is essential for a strong relationship. Make sure to discuss any issues or concerns that may arise, rather than letting them fester.
  6. Support each other’s growth: Encourage and support your partner’s personal and professional growth. This not only benefits them individually but can also strengthen your relationship as a whole.
  7. Spend quality time together: In the midst of busy lives and hectic schedules, it’s essential to prioritize spending quality time together as a couple. This can mean setting aside regular date nights, engaging in activities you both enjoy, or simply enjoying quiet moments of connection.
  8. Cultivate a strong family bond: If you have children or other family members living with you, fostering a strong family dynamic is essential for overall happiness. Engage in family activities and traditions that create lasting memories and strengthen your relationships.

By incorporating these tips into your relationship, you can create a solid foundation of understanding, support, and love that will allow both of you to grow and thrive together.

In time, hopefully you won’t still feel like you’re putting too much effort into the relationship.

Case study: Learn how Kristin went from being completely burnt out with online dating, sick of getting ghosted and completely exhausted from giving her heart and soul with nothing in return… To having high value men begging for her attention & having the most “electric” date of her entire life. (…All by changing one simple strategy.)

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do guys lose interest in relationships?

Men may lose interest in relationships for various reasons, including feeling unappreciated, change in priorities, or the relationship becoming too routine. Insecurity or a fear of commitment can also contribute to a decline in interest.

What causes a decline in effort from men?

A decline in effort can be caused by:

  • Feeling taken for granted
  • Lack of appreciation or recognition for their contributions
  • Routine and predictability
  • Doubts about the future of the relationship
  • Communication problems
  • Personal struggles or stress

Read more about these reasons here.

How to deal with a lack of effort in a relationship?

To address a lack of effort, consider these steps:

  1. Communicate openly about your concerns
  2. Find a balance between giving space and ensuring closeness
  3. Work together to keep the spark alive
  4. Show appreciation for their efforts
  5. Seek professional help if necessary, such as couples counseling or you can get a relationship coach

What are the signs of a man not putting in effort?

Some indicators that your love interest is no longer putting in the effort include:

  • Reduced communication or engagement in conversations
  • Lack of interest in making future plans
  • Decline in physical intimacy
  • Canceling plans frequently or being consistently late
  • Being dismissive of your needs and feelings

Learn more about these signs here.

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How to encourage more effort from a love interest?

Here are some suggestions on how to encourage more effort from your guy:

  • Make your expectations clear and reasonable
  • Praise them for their efforts and show appreciation
  • Create shared goals and work towards them together
  • Foster open and honest communication
  • Be supportive and understanding of their feelings

Why do men’s actions change after coming on strong?

Men might come on strong initially because they are excited by the novelty of the relationship, but once the thrill wears off and reality sets in, they may reassess their needs and expectations, leading to a shift in their actions.

This can sometimes result in a decline in effort as they try to determine whether they are truly compatible with their partner.

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