Sexting is a popular activity among many couples and, with studies showing that 45% of Americans engage in it.
However, some men will indeed pull away after sexting, both physically and emotionally.
This can be extremely confusing and hurtful for you as a woman, and unless you understand the reasons behind it, you’re likely to make things more difficult for yourself in the future.
In order to gain a better understanding of why guys pull away after sexting, it’s important to look at the psychological and physical elements at play.
Not only that, you also need to consider the context of the relationship.
In casual relationships, sexting is usually a no strings attached in the minds of men.
This is because men don’t confuse love with sex – they are separate departments.
Men in committed relationships may also pull away after sexting, because they have to focus on other things. They can’t be sexting or be emotionally joined at the hip with you at all times.
They don’t flow in and out of relationship mode like women do.
Instead they compartmentalize things and focus all their energy on one thing at a time.
(Usually problem solving).
Let’s get into the 8 secret answers for why do guys pull away after sexting.
#1: Sexting Does Not Equal Commitment.
Why do guys pull away after sexting?
It’s simple: they are not looking for a committed relationship.
If you’re not already emotionally committed to each other, then sexting is viewed as a casual activity.
iI has has no emotional connection by default, even if you feel emotions for him as a woman.
This is especially true for men who are simply looking for a hook-up and nothing more.
#2: There Was No Emotional Attraction.
Without emotional attraction, there can only be sex and nothing more.
The next point to remember when asking why do guys pull away after sexting is that sometimes the lack of emotional attraction can make it difficult to sustain an emotionally committed relationship.
No matter the situation, if there was no emotional attraction from the start, then it’s likely that the man will pull away after sexting.
Without this special ingredient of emotional attraction, a relationship can quickly become stagnant, with more emphasis on the physical side.
This can lead to feelings of emptiness and disconnection, making it easier for a man to walk away.
(Although if you’re a woman, it doesn’t get easier to walk away, because you may have formed an emotional attachment, even if it is not real romantic love you feel for the guy).
In this case, it’s important to reflect on the relationship and ask yourself if it’s really worth continuing.
For the future, it’s important to think about getting a man emotionally committed to you before you have sex.
And there’s one specific emotional trigger in men that causes them to become hyper-focused on you.
This ONE specific emotional trigger inside of every masculine man inspires him to want to take care of you, worship you and deeply commit to you.
#3: He Might Be Trying to Rebuild His Testosterone Levels.
Men in both casual and committed relationships may pull away after sexting because of the drop in testosterone levels.
Even though sexting isn’t an in-person activity, it still activates certain hormones in both men’s and women’s bodies.
In particular, sexting increases the production of oxytocin (the “cuddle hormone”) in both men and women, leading to a decrease in testosterone levels after the sexting for men.
For your guy, this could mean a decrease in sexual desire or even an emotional distance.
This emotional distance can also be due to feelings of greater vulnerability for him – brought on by the lowered testosterone, of course.
He subconsciously needs to pull away just to rebuild his testosterone levels and his sense of masculinity, and this is true of men when you’re intimate with them -even without sexting.
If you want to understand this topic in more depth, Renée Wade has written an article explaining this phenomenon.
#4: He Has Performance Anxiety.
Why do guys pull away after sexting?
They’re anxious about being judged for how they performed…yes, even over a text message!
Even men in committed relationships may have performance anxiety when it comes to sexting, because they want to make sure that they’re pleasing you.
For casual relationships, performance anxiety can strike because they’re not used to sexting a woman they don’t know very well and they don’t want to risk coming off as creepy or awkward.
(It’s a genuine fear of all good men. They really don’t want to come across as creepy. It’s similar to how women fear being considered “clingy”.)
This fear of being judged for how he approached sexting or the things he may have texted you can be enough to make a man pull away emotionally.
…Even though he may still be interested in the physical connection.
Performance anxiety can also be heightened for men in committed relationships, as they are not immune to feeling judged or rejected.
If you’re in a committed relationship with him, he may also want to make sure that he is not hurting you or making you feel used or too vulnerable.
He would likely want to make sure he’s showing you the love and attention you deserve.
#5: He May Be Afraid of Intimacy.
…Or he has an insecure attachment style.
Why do guys pull away after sexting?
In both casual and committed relationships, some men may pull away after sexting because they are afraid of the emotional connection that comes with intimacy.
Simply put, they like the axcitement of the sexual connection, but reject the emotional investment.
So they bail out on you quickly in order to avoid further emotional commitment and intimacy.
This fear can stem from:
- Insecure attachment style
- Past experiences with relationship trauma or failed relationships
- A fear of attachment
The most important thing for you to do now is to try to work out how commitment-friendly this guy is.
If he’s not very commitment friendly, then you need to listen to that and adjust to the reality of who he is and where he’s at.
You can find out exactly how commitment-friendly he is by taking our quick and free quiz: QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!
#6: He Doesn’t Want to Lead You On.
Men in both casual and committed relationships may pull away after sexting because they don’t want to lead you on.
They realize that sexting can lead to an emotional connection for a woman (or they at least sense you getting attached).
Because of this, they don’t want to give you false hope of something lasting if they don’t have those intentions.
Additionally, men in committed relationships may pull away after sexting because they don’t want to inadvertently make you feel used or taken for granted if your interactions are always about sexting.
Try to remember that sexting cannot be a substitute for real-life intimacy and communication.
Moreover, if your relationship started with sex (as in, you never formed an emotional attachment in the first place), then it’s unlikely that it would lead to any lasting relationship for you as a woman.
#7: He May Be Ashamed of His Behavior.
This is not the most likely (or common) answer to why guys pull away after intimacy, but it’s definitely a possibility.
For men in committed relationships, the shame can stem from the fact that they feel they aren’t living up to their ideals for how to treat you.
Your guy might feel like he is not treating you with the respect and admiration you deserve.
On the other hand, men in casual relationships may be ashamed of their behavior as well, although for different reasons…
They may feel that sexting is an inappropriate way to start or maintain a relationship, or that it violates their subconscious rules for how to start a relationship off.
Some signs he might be ashamed of his behavior include:
- He may be distant
- He might avoid eye contact with you
- He might refuse to talk about the situation
- He might also make comments that suggest that he regrets engaging in sexting in the first place
Of course, these signs may not be exclusive to shame and could be indicative of other feelings, such as guilt or anxiety.
It’s important to remember that all of these emotions are valid and should be respected.
Now for the final, most disturbing answer to why do guys pull away after sexting…
#8: He Was Using You And Manipulating You.
This is a more toxic reason for why men pull away after sexting, but it is definitely within the realm of possibilities.
It goes without saying that if a man is using you and manipulating you, then he won’t want to stay around for the long haul.
This could be a sign of psychological issues, or he may just be using you for his own gratification and doesn’t care about your feelings.
He might even tell you that he’s not interested in a relationship, or he might make excuses for why he’s not available to hang out.
In these situations, it’s important to remember that your worth is not based on what a man thinks of you or how much he wants you.
If a guy has been using you for sexting and manipulating you, he may pull away after sexting because he’s either gotten what he wanted or he’s afraid that you may have seen through his manipulations and thus, doesn’t want to get caught.
As hard as it is, in this situation it’s best to take a step back and assess the situation without getting emotionally involved.
Ask yourself: would he really be there for you if you weren’t sexting or offering him some attention and validation?
It’s also important to look out for the signs of manipulation, such as him trying to control you or make you feel guilty for not doing what he wants.
Keep strong boundaries, test him and don’t let yourself be taken advantage of or manipulated.
How do you test a man to see if he would commit to you?
How do you test a man to see if he cares?
The best way to do it is to use some high value banter.
This is because bantering shows you how willing he is to connect with you and attune to you.
A guy who is toxic will reject banter, and even be offended by it. Some narcissistic guys may lash out and get extremely defensive and angry.
But that’s why high value banter is so useful:
It’s the ultimate test of a man’s self esteem and willingness to attune and connect with you.
Quite simply, if he doesn’t want to respond to your banter, then he’s not even willing to do the bare minimum: put effort into the connection.
Are you curious to know what types of banter lines to use to test a man?
This class will help you to discover why you as a woman need to use the dark art of “High Value Banter” in order to quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”!
(…Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you’ve encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and incredible duds!)
What To Do If He Stopped Texting After Sexting?
If he stopped texting after sexting, then first refer to the above 8 reasons to gauge where your relationship is most likely at.
One thing is for sure: if you started this relationship casually, it will likely remain casual unless he develops feelings of emotional attraction and emotional connection for you.
If you are already in a committed relationship with this man, then the only time you need to be worried is if you feel like he’s manipulating you, using you – or finally, that you may not be the right woman for him in the long term.
If you otherwise have a healthy relationship, then the most important thing to do is give him some space and first try to understand where he’s at and what he’s most focused on at the moment.
If you know he’s got important things to focus on, then no worries – it’s no threat to your security in the relationship, he’s just being a normal man who is focused on making money and getting jobs done.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long do sexting relationships last?
In some cases, casual sexting relationships can last for 6 months or more.
But you should never expect a sexting relationship to last long term, unless you were already emotionally committed to each other.
In fact, sexting can actually be a sign of a committed relationship.
Also, statistically, sexting is more likely to occur when two people are already committed.
As such, if you’re already emotionally committed to each other, expect the sexting to enhance the longevity of your relationship unless the sexting is occuring in a toxic circumstance.
For example: you’re sexting due to pressure from him or because you want his approval, or simply because you’re afraid to lose him.
Those reasons are all toxic.
How do men feel after sexting?
Recent research indicates that men may experience a variety of emotions after sending or receiving a sext.
According to one study, some men may feel empowered and in control, while others may feel anxious or ashamed.
Additionally, there is evidence to suggest that some men may be uncomfortable with the idea of sexting, yet feel obligated to engage in the behavior.
It is also thought that some men may experience a sense of connection and intimacy after sending a sext, while others may feel that the act was exploitative.
Does sexting create feelings?
Sexting is a growing phenomenon that has been studied increasingly by researchers in recent years.
Various studies suggest that it can create a feeling of closeness and intimacy between a couple, as well as a sense of arousal and excitement.