Why do guys distance themselves after intimacy?
It’s a combination of biological and circumstantial factors.
It’s important to note that this happens to women inside of committed relationships as well as in casual sexual encounters.
Why do guys act weird after hooking up?
It’s true that women are notoriously difficult to comprehend, but males may be just as perplexing at times.
Feeling like you really bonded with a guy during sex is a common experience, so you’re not alone.
But what happens when a guy vanishes into thin air, leaving you to ponder the perplexing phenomenon of his sudden withdrawal from emotional closeness?
And it’s probably not the first time it’s happened, either.
By the way, if you want to discover how commitment-friendly your man is, you can take our free quiz to find out for sure:
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Why do Guys Keep Their Distance When They Like You?
But seriously, why would he do that?
Answers are what we need now.
As women, we tend to question our own actions and wonder where we went wrong.
Maybe I farted a little bit?
Do you think I took things too far?
Was the sex awful?
Was it because of something I did?
Or perhaps he never saw us as anything more than a one-night stand.
Why Do Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy?
You may have noticed a guy’s obsessive need to be around you before you were physical with him.
Then, once you two were intimate, you realized that he lost all enthusiasm and interest in the relationship.
For this reason, a lot of women wonder Why do guys act weird after hooking up?
Below are some examples of what may be causing this sudden coldness or withdrawal:
1: It’s Only… Natural
Why do guys change after you sleep with them?
It sounds trite, but it’s because they’re built that way.
When men feel the need for distance after a passionate encounter, it may have less to do with their emotions and more to do with their biology.
Immediately following an orgasmic experience, males often experience a chemical “power down,” which is more akin to a refractory or recuperation phase.
According to research, some men may experience uncomfortable feelings after intimacy and seek to withdraw from their relationships.
Ejaculation also causes the release of a number of chemicals, including prolactin, which inhibits arousal, induces tiredness, and heightens sexual satisfaction.
Simply put, men tend to withdraw and feel less sexually aroused after engaging in sexual activity since their testosterone levels have dropped.
This is the point where you notice him being less interested in intimacy.
He’s no longer amorous, but he’s also no longer as keep to stay close to you, and it’s often to do with the hormonal and biological changes he experiences after sex.
2: He Doesn’t Need to Chase You Anymore
Even if we’ve all declared “I despise playing games,” many of us can’t help but flirt and fool around with others.
Overall, we enjoy the excitement of it.
Both women and men like being hunted, and if it’s the right person, the hunter as well.
Why do guys distance themselves after intimacy?
You’ve now slept with him, thus the pursuit is finished.
He wanted to learn more about you, your body and feel what it’s like to be inside you.
Your identity was a mystery.
Now it’s not anymore.
It’s a bummer, but sometimes a man just has to get inside a woman for the experience and nothing more.
It’s true, but it doesn’t make it right morally of course.
By the way, there is something you can do to drastically increase the chances of him coming back with the desire to emotionally commit to you.
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3: You Don’t Give Him Enough Space
Without meaning to, sometimes we act in a possessive manner in a relationship.
In relationships, men are more likely to run away from someone who shows signs of being a clinger.
Men require your patience and understanding as they take things one step at a time – at least when it comes to commitment.
With sex, they’ll take things much faster, as you’ve probably experienced.
Overall, the relationship and commitment process probably won’t go well if you’re acting like a clingy girlfriend.
This is especially so if you’re acting this way after casual sex.
Because essentially he owes you nothing.
But in a committed relationship, you might also find him pulling away or emotionally distancing himself after sex, because he needs space to be a man and rebuild his masculinity.
There’s no getting around the fact that guys need time apart after intimacy.
So don’t go love-bombing him the second you’re dressed again.
Clinging to him like a life raft isn’t going to help, even if you genuinely want this to work out.
4: He’s Overwhelmed
One of the much less common reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy is because they feel overwhelmed by their feelings.
Usually this happens if the guy has experienced past trauma or hurt.
Intimacy is an intense experience that can bring up deep emotions, and for some men, it can be too much to handle.
They may feel overwhelmed by their own feelings, and this can cause them to retreat and distance themselves.
Women should understand that this is not a reflection of their worth or their value, but simply a sign that their lover is struggling with their own emotions.
5: He’s Afraid of Getting Hurt
Many guys worry about being hurt after being intimate because they fear getting too close will put them at risk.
Specifically, at risk of being used, hurt or taken advantage of.
Perhaps his earlier relationships were rocky and he experienced a bad heartbreak.
Most guys live in a culture that tells them they should toughen up and not show their emotions, so it’s understandable that many of them are afraid of expressing their feelings.
For men, having sexual intimacy and being emotionally connected are two different things.
Constantly engaging in close emotional attachment can be challenging for men, because it’s not where their equilibrium lies.
Not only does it encroach upon other projects and problems they need to solve, it steals away their time to build their career.
It also exposes our frailties and shows us realities we aren’t yet prepared to face. This is also one of the reasons why guys act distant when they like you.
6: He Doesn’t Want to Commit to a Relationship
Why do guys stop talking to you after you sleep with them?
The issue may not be with you personally.
The issue might be that he realizes this may develop into more than a casual relationship.
Mainly because he can see, hear or feel you asking for that.
You may not say it, but he feels it.
But to put it bluntly, if his distance lasts more than two weeks, then he isn’t looking for something serious.
You haven’t done anything bad, that’s not the reason.
He just isn’t prepared for it yet.
Perhaps he has told you he’s not ready for anything serious (or not).
But you, being the savvy lady that you are, have chosen to disregard this and test the waters nevertheless.
Oh well, again, it’s not you, it’s him.
And that’s why he’s putting distance between you.
This is cruel, but it does occur.
7: He Has Insecure Attachment
…Therefore he’s guarding himself against emotional attachment and intimacy.
A man may not be comfortable with intimacy, period.
Sure, he was into the sex, but he can’t do intimacy.
He could find intimacy to be uncomfortable, and he may require time to readjust and learn effective means of dealing with these emotions.
There are two possible reasons for this:
- He is insecurely attached and just generally cannot healthily attach to a woman and enjoy intimacy, because it feels unsafe to him; or
- He specifically wasn’t attached to you.
So how would you know which one it really is?
Well, if he shows genuine signs of being emotionally unavailable, then it’s likely the case that he has insecure attachment patterns.
Namely, he is an avoidant or anxiously attached person. So it’s not personal to you, it’s his own patterns of relating in relationships.
Here are 13 Warning Signs of An Emotionally Unavailable Man.
In most cases, a man will still return at his own convenience…but not at your convenience.
So I recommend you make it clear that you miss him emotionally.
If that feels like it’s too forward or too much to say, that’s fine. Instead just let him know that you feel secure in a relationship when he doesn’t always go cold after intimacy.
One thing you can do also, is discover what your own attachment style is. Are you securely or insecurely attached?
Because if you are insecurely attached, you may make everything harder and more stressful for yourself and for him.
An anxiously attached person can push a man away, and if you’re a woman with avoidant attachment, then you’ll find it extremely hard to get him to commit emotionally.
…Unless you heal the avoidant attachment patterns.
So, here’s how you can work out whether you’re insecurely attached or securely attached…
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(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
8: He Probably Didn’t Like It (Uh-oh)
As painful as it might be, the fact that the sex didn’t do it for them is occasionally a factor in why some men withdraw after an intimate relationship.
In other words, he might actually regret having sex with you.
This is the last thing every woman wants to hear, yet unfortunately, it occurs. To what extent does it occur?
According to Psychology Today, it is more usual for women to not have liked sex than it is for men.
However, it can also happen to men, especially if there was reason for him to feel disgusted, ashamed or guilty.
Unfortunately, when it happens, he won’t apologize for his absence since “there wasn’t any chemistry.”
9: He Feels Inadequate
Yes, some guys actually feel inadequate during or after intimacy.
It may be that they’re afraid they performed badly or that they weren’t “the right size”.
Whatever the reason, he could be distancing himself after sex with you because this helps minimize his feelings of inferiority.
Seeing you, being close to you and interacting with you increases his anxiety, so he’d prefer to protect himself and keep himself safe.
If you suspect this is the reason, you can choose to compliment or appreciate him for what he did during your intimate encounter.
Or you could just give him space, be the high value woman that you are, and let him come to you in his own time.
What to Do When He Withdraws Himself After Intimacy
Well, we’ve discussed a few possibilities for the million-dollar question, why do guys distance themselves after intimacy?
Now, let’s talk about how to improve the situation. Here’s a couple things to do when a guy distances himself after intimacy:
It’s understandable if you’re feeling terrified right now.
However, on the surface, you should try to maintain a calm demeanor and not act out or freak out on him.
In other words, don’t flood him with a million text messages full of questions and demands of him.
The situation is terrible, but telling him how bad it is won’t help right now.
Allow him to approach you. Do your best to chill out.
And the best way to avoid boredom is to become involved in something you enjoy.
Don’t jump on him or give in to him too easily when he tries to establish contact, or else he’ll start treating this momentary ghosting as the usual.
You’ll have to let him see that you’re not dependent on his approval and love.
It’s ok to feel attached, don’t get me wrong.
But you need to also be free of the shackles of approval seeking. So try to focus on being free of those needs, and just enjoy interacting with him if he comes back.
Ok, maybe you won’t enjoy interacting with him when he comes back.
Maybe you feel deep down inside, that he sucks.
If that is the case, then there is one specific phrase you can say to him that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say. CLICK here to discover what this one phrase is.
Let Him Have His Space
Removing yourself from his immediate vicinity is a good place to start when trying to figure out why males withdraw following closeness.
Not to be spiteful, but to allow space for him and you. Sometimes it’s needed for clarity.
This would give him the chance to clarify his own needs and help you keep your dignity intact in the process.
It’s possible that he’ll get increasingly agitated if you don’t give him some space to breathe and keep focusing on him nonstop.
Live Your Life
Few relationships succeed when one partner can’t stop badgering the other for their attention and reassurance.
Sure, you’re anxious, but is there a way to balance your own anxiety? Try to answer that problem for yourself, so that you can come back to him with more resources.
When he withdraws after sexual activity, it’s important to go on with your life.
He must understand that you have a life outside of him and that it must progress without him.
To that end, it’s best to keep having fun with your girlfriends and living life to the fullest until he’s ready to come back.
Did you know There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report.
(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Try Not to Punish Him
Do not be cold and unapproachable when he tries to reconnect with you.
Sure, you’d want to have him back. Therefore, transparency and open dialogue are required.
If you’re still angry, then it’s to express that anger using this one perfect phrase. It will make him hang onto every word you say.
By the way, if he explains himself to you, it’s ok let him know how you feel about his withdrawal.
There’s nothing wrong with the truth, but don’t attach a bunch of criticisms to the truth, unless you like spreading more toxicity in the relationship.
Just make sure he knows that this isn’t something he should make a habit of.
Also, give him space to express his feelings and thoughts to you.
In light of him sharing these, and if he does indeed share how he feels, then you can appreciate his worries and identify the source of his panic.
Therefore, you can avoid such situations in the future.
By the way, here’s a guide on How to Turn the Tables When He Pulls Away.
Never forget that there’s a thinking, feeling, experiencing human being behind every action.
If a guy has pulled away after sharing intimate moments, it’s natural to feel puzzled or wounded.
However, taking an empathic and understanding posture can help you get past these emotions and find resolution.
Think about trying to get in touch with him and talking to him. Inquire as to his mood and mental state.
Don’t be afraid to reveal your own emotions, and let him do the same. Keep in mind that trust and intimacy may flourish when you speak your minds and listen to one another.
Every single individual and every single relationship is special in its own way.
While it’s beneficial to be aware of the answers to why do guys distance themselves after intimacy, it’s just as crucial to approach each circumstance with an open mind and a desire to learn.