If you’ve been in a relationship for some time, you might have experienced a situation where your guy has pulled back emotionally.
It’s not an easy situation to deal with and can leave you feeling confused and even heartbroken.
However, there are some simple ways that can help you turn the tables when he pulls away.
The first step is to get really clear on what it means to turn the tables, because we can mislead ourselves if we aren’t clear and honest about our intentions.
What “Turn The Tables” Means:
If you want to turn the tables when your man pulls away, it’s important to understand what that means for your relationship.
Essentially, it means that the dynamic has shifted and you decide that you are no longer going to be the pursuer in the relationship.
If he has taken a step back and is no longer investing the same level of emotion or effort into the relationship as he once was, this is a good time to turn the tables.
To turn the tables, you need to find a way to reignite his interest and passion so that he becomes the pursuer once again.
Of course, you don’t want to force a man to do all the work – right now, you just want him to come towards you a bit. Right?
So let’s work on that by learning how to turn the tables when he pulls away.
Related: 9 Alarming Reasons Why Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy.
Step #1: Assess the situation First.
Take some time to reflect on why your man might be pulling away.
Is he going through a tough time at work or with family?
Is there something going on in the relationship that needs to be addressed?
By understanding the root cause of his behavior, you can gain some perspective on the situation and approach it with a clearer mind and less emotional turmoil.
See: if you jump straight to getting your power back without thinking, you may make the relationship worse.
Because if he’s got legitimate reasons to pull away from you (that are nothing to do with hurting you or trying to control you), then you will only look low value by trying to gain power.
If he’s pulling away because of a genuine issue, it’s best to understand where he’s at first.
Conversely, if he’s pulling away to control you, hurt you or punish you (and you are aware of that), you can respond by turning the tables.
Additionally, if he’s pulling away because he’s generally not committed to you and is just stringing you along, you can also choose to pull away to turn the tables in this context.
One thing that might help you feel empowered moving forward, is to figure out how likely he is to commit to you.
Is he serious about you or just mucking around? This is a question you need to answer, and you can get that answer by taking our quick and free quiz:
Step #2: Use Your Femininity
Your femininity is ultimately powerful when it comes to how to turn the tables when he pulls away.
Why?
Because your femininity can help you:
- Make him want to protect you
- Make him see you as more precious
- Make him fascinated with you
- Inspire him to commit; and
- Make him see your genuine vulnerability (through your softness)
Would you like to discover how naturally feminine you are actually? Find out yourself with our quick and easy quiz:
So the key here is to remove the stress (take your focus off any worry and the need to control the situation), and relax into your body.
Notice the feelings, sensations and softness in your body.
Let yourself be who you really are beneath the facade of trying to be “enough”.
You are worthy already, now it’s time to dance your way to infinite feminine energy, so that you can build more sexual polarity and maybe also attraction with men.
A few pointers on how to become more feminine:
- Spend time in nature
- Exist in flow, not goal-oritentation or constant structure, running from one thing to the next
- Listen to him and let him confide in you rather than pushing your agenda onto him
- Embody high value vulnerability.
High value vulnerability is the ONE specific emotional trigger that will make him want to commit to you, take care of you and worship you for LIFE.
Step #3: Understand He Needs Space
If you want the tables turned in your favour, it’s also crucial to understand that he needs space.
Why?
Because pushing too hard for what you want without actually addressing what he needs and wants can make you look value as well as strip a lot of value away from the relationship.
When you strip a lot of value away from the relationship, you don’t gain more influence in the relationship, you slowly destroy it instead.
Now:
Giving him space is not a form of rejection, but rather a sign of respect for him as a man as well as his personal boundaries.
When a guy pulls away, it’s often because he:
- Is working on solving problems
- Has other responsibilities
- Needs time to process his thoughts or even his emotions; or
- Needs to figure out what he wants
Of course, as discussed earlier in the article, some guys take space when they’re using you or want to control you.
If you’re unsure if he’s using you, check these 18 signs he is using you.
And read this article on How to Tell What A Guy Wants From You.
By allowing him the space he needs, he may come to realize that he wants to pursue you once again.
Step #4: Examine The Filters Through Which You See Love & Men
When your guy pulls away, it’s natural to feel hurt and confused.
However, it’s important to recognize that the filters through which you view love and men can greatly affect your behavior in this situation.
Take some time to explore your filters and beliefs about love, relationships, and men, and specifically take note of:
- Any low value mindsets and beliefs about men and love
- Whether you assume the worst or the best of him
- Whether you immediately think you’re not worthy of love
- How you judge men (negatively or with careful thought and consideration); and
- Whether you think him pulling away means he deserves to be punished
If you have any low value mindsets, you should try to replace them with high value mindsets.
Here is an example of a low value mindset:
“Men never give me what I want.”
Or:
“Men are pathetic.”
Both of these mindsets lead you to the land of nowehere with men.
Worse still, these mindsts can immediately make you show up with low value behaviors around men, and you want to avoid that at all costs.
There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
You may also be wondering what a high value mindset is. Here’s an example of a high value mindset:
“Men are doing the best for themselves, just as I am. And that’s ok.”
See, the time in which a man pulls away is exactly the period where most women become the most insecure and controlling.
Because it’s scary.
It’s hard and it’s scary and it’s very uncertain, and sometimes you may do things or think things that will push him further away from you (and you’ll never see him again.)
But it doesn’t have to be that way if you integrate high value mindsets into your dating life, and our program “High Value Mindsets” will help you to do that.
(The promise of this program is to give you the ability to “trade in” your anxiety and insecurities for self esteem, self worth and intrinsic confidence, so that no one will ever take you for granted & high value men will recognise you as an indispensable “keeper”.)
Step #5: Don’t Respond Too Quickly
…Instead of immediately responding to his texts, take some quiet time and space to process everything around the relationship for yourself.
Responding too quickly or waiting by the phone can backfire on you, as natural as it is to want to do this.
But it’s not so much the action as it is the mindset behind it that’s damaging for your relationship.
A lot of women respond immediately or stare at their phone all day, waiting for a message not because of love for him, but because of their insecurities and fear of losing him.
And this fear might be legitimate, but you don’t want your actions to reek of this fear, make sense?
Step #6: Use Reverse Psychology
How to turn the tables when he pulls away?
Use reverse psychology.
Instead of chasing him and trying to convince him to come back to you, pull away a little yourself.
This will pique his interest and curiosity, making him wonder why you’re no longer desperately trying to win him back.
It can be a difficult strategy to implement, as it goes against our instincts to pursue what we want, but it can pay off big time.
Essentially, you want to make him feel like he’s the one chasing you instead of the other way around.
By the way, there’s a two-word phrase you can say to him that will make you high value and inspire him to chase you for your attention.
Would you like to discover what this phrase is?
Now, as you’re going to turn the tables when he pulls away, remember the power of reverse psychology.
It feels strange, but it can be of value to you.
So use your newfound independence and happiness to your advantage, and give him small hints that you’re no longer waiting for him but moving on with your life.
One disclaimer: don’t get spiteful with this. Just do just enough to make him notice that you’re not acting the same.
You don’t want to create resentment in the relationship by doing petty things, so make sure you’re very careful.
Step #7: Understand His Triggers
There’s no more powerful answer to how to turn the tables when he pulls away than this.
Understanding his triggers is crucial – but what does it mean?
It means to notice what causes him to pull away.
Consider your relationship history together, and try to identify any patterns in your behavior or even external stressors that cause him to pull away or become distant every time.
Why does this help to turn the tables?
Because it’s about you showing empathy and understanding. And when you can do that, it gives you more power.
Also, by understanding his triggers, you can better empathize with him and support him through whatever he may be going through.
It’s important to approach this with kindness and understanding, rather than a confrontational or accusatory tone.
Step #8: Take a Step Back and Focus on Your Own Life
Take a step back and focus on yourself. Find a way to live your best life.
If you don’t have any hobbies or passions you engage in, find at least one.
Or put your energy and focus into learning something new about the world. Become engrossed in it.
This doesn’t mean you’ll be deliberately ignoring your man or the relationship, but rather redirecting your attention to your own interests, hobbies, and goals.
By doing so, you not only regain a sense of identity outside of the relationship, you become less needy and clingy.
Not that it’s wrong to be needy, but if your man has pulled away already, you getting needy may not help at the moment.
Men are naturally drawn to women who are happy and fulfilled in their own lives, and if you can capitalise on your enjoyment of life independent of him, this will make your guy more likely to pursue you once again.
Final words
In conclusion, knowing how to turn the tables when he pulls away can be a game-changer in your relationship.
By using these 8 steps; acknowledging his space, practicing self-care, communicating honestly, building high value mindsets, not responding too quickly, using reverse psychology, understanding his triggers and using your femininity; you can strengthen your relationship and get him to come back to you.
Remember, it’s not about manipulating or controlling him, but about building trust, mutual respect, and understanding.
So, take the time to invest in your relationship, and watch it grow into something beautiful.
