How To Pull Away To Make Him Want You: 4 Steps & 3 Mistakes

How to pull away to make him want you

Isn’t it disappointing when your man doesn’t crave your attention?

You try to be his special person, but he treats you like every other person in his life–and sometimes, even as a stranger.

It hurts to find your relationship going down this road.

But, should you just sit back and let things continue this way? 

Well, isn’t it true to say that you won’t be able to even if you tried? Especially if you care about him and the relationship.

So, you must restore your importance in his life and make him ‘want’ you – and never stop wanting you! 

In general, human beings are more likely to attach value to what’s not easy to attain. 

Be the one who’s like that – but don’t make it your only attractive trait. 

Because a lot of women are not easy to attain, but are still not that high value to a man.

So don’t rely on this completely, just keep it in your toolbox, as it’s a big key that may help you soon enough.


I have just the right things for you to do and NOT to do.

Here is a guide to how to pull away to make him want you.

1. Talk Less

Love can make you push boundaries, and there’s nothing particularly wrong with that. 

But sometimes, as women, we don’t know when and where to stop. Women tend to be obsessive lovers, after all.

Consider the singer Lana Del Rey’s quote in her song “This is What Makes Us Girls”:

“This is what makes us girls

We all look for heaven and we put our love first

Somethin’ that we’d die for, it’s our curse.”

We tend to want to talk things through a lot. 

Once we find love in a man, we try our best to bridge the communication gap. 

We talk and talk. Sometimes, to the point, he doesn’t feel like taking any initiative.

Not only that, but men just don’t talk about relationships like we do. They don’t want to, and they don’t feel the need to – it doesn’t serve them and light up their soul as it does for women. 

Of course, there may be occasions where you’ll have to make him talk. 

And yet, he must also initiate conversations with you and add to the relationship through evident efforts.

If you slowly reduce the constant communication with him, he’ll notice the change.

And more importantly, this will give him the space to initiate conversation with you.

Men are highly perceptive beings despite all the talk around them being ignorant on relationship matters. They’ll notice when you don’t behave your usual self.

But here’s an important key when learning how to pull away to make him want you:

You need to withdraw your verbal or texting communication gradually.

Try not to not make a huge deal about it, instead just take the space you need. 

Let him inquire, give him the gift of your absence once in a while, and avoid asking him too many questions to manage your anxiety.

A smart man would know what’s wrong. 

And if he doesn’t, then perhaps consider whether there is enough love, trust and commitment in the relationship for you to still stay with him.

And, it might help you to find out just how commitment-friendly he actually is.

(Because a lot of men talk a good game, or even just keep you around, but never have any true intent to emotionally commit to you and look after your needs in the long term.)

We have a free and quick quiz that will help you work out just how likely he is to commit to you…QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!

2. Spend time with your friends and family

The answer to how to pull away to make him want you is multifaceted. 

But, an important theme that runs through the answer for how to pull away to make him want you is this idea that you need create an emotional impact on him.

And, one of the solid ways to do that is to spend less time with him and more with your friends and family.

As per a 2017 article in Archives of Sexual Behavior, people in love tend to exhibit elevated levels of central dopamine. 

This hormone enhances attention and focus on the object of love–your man.

And, your man knows that he’s getting all of your attention. 

There’s no one else to encroach upon his space.

This often gives him security and the assurance of your love, but it also may eventually shape into indifference towards the partner.

To have him get out of his comfort zone, he’ll need to feel less certain about your attention. 

You should cut down on your time with him and give preferences to friends and family.

Not as punishment, but as a sign that you’re investing in other relationships as well.

If a man isn’t investing in you that much or is simply not treating you that well, then it’s perfectly ok to invest in other relationships – and in fact, you should be doing exactly that.

And when you do, it wouldn’t take long for him to realize that you are drifting away… 

That you do not find the relationship as satisfying as before. 

And that he is not the only one to make you feel loved and involved.

Let him miss you. And, that can only happen if you make your absence feel pronounced.

3. Regain Your Independent Self

Interdependent relationships are the healthiest form of human partnership. 

But, things go downhill if only you are emotionally reliant on your man.

What makes things worse is the lack of attention from him. 

You go all in, find refuge in his company, and leave it to him to affect major decisions in your life. Yet, you feel abandoned.

In a study conducted in Spain, it was found that women generally show more emotional dependency in love due to a combination of cultural and biological factors. 

This doesn’t mean that men are not capable of forging effective ties. 

But, this certainly indicates that men often become used to having their women partners as dependents.

This can sometimes make your man think that you aren’t going anywhere, however. 

If your man is a bit arrogant, it can also have him thinking that you can’t do a thing if he isn’t around.

If he is extra toxic, he may even start neglecting you. 

And, that’s the signal for you to pull away.

Romantic relationships should be about equal investment. When they’re not, serious problems occur.

He should be responsive towards your feelings as you are towards his.

But, if he thinks he’s in charge of your life and you can’t do anything important for yourself, then, woman, stand up and live for yourself.

Make him think that he’s not your last chance for survival in life. 

And, once he sees you this way, he will regain his sense of respect for you.

You can also not seek his help or advice every time you can’t do something. 

Take up the tasks you’d otherwise have him do for you. This will make you feel more in control, less reliant and boost your esteem for yourself.


  • Drive yourself to your favorite restaurant
  • Buy clothes without asking about his preferences
  • Party without him
  • Decide where your next trip would be to

Independence is a potent tool you want to teach yourself how to pull away to make him want you.

Men value personal space and independent decision-making. 

So don’t be too clingy to him. 

Of course you might feel scared if he’s not as invested as before, but consider that maybe he is feeling suffocated.

Take one step backward and reduce your emotional reliance on him.

Then take two steps forward in terms of independence.

If he’s a man of worth, he’ll come back to you.

Also, in the meantime, make sure you’re not making the mistake of showing up as a low value woman.

You’re not inherently low value – no woman is.

But especially when you’re stuck in fear, it’s very easy to behave in a way that signals that you’re low value to a man.

And once you begin doing that, it’s a slippery slope from then on.

So make sure you avoid these 7 common signs a woman is low value in the eyes of all men. 

CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. 

(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.) 

4. Tell him what you actually feel

…This is a good option if you haven’t already significantly lost trust in him.

If there is still a healthy level of trust and respect between you, then consider telling him how you really feel.

No matter how much we deny it, we often become too careful about what we say to our partners in a relationship.

We don’t want to hurt them and comfort ourselves by thinking “everything’s gonna be alright.”

But, is it alright?

There will come a time when you’ll feel frustrated. 


Because failing to offer honest feedback to him has made him comfortable in what he does. 

And, there is a part of you that doesn’t like how he does certain things.

If you don’t share that with him in a respectful way, then he’ll be under the impression that everything’s alright. 

And, he has all the reasons to think so, since you never gave him the chance to navigate your emotions as a woman.

You haven’t been honest with him after all. So, you had it coming.

Asserting boundaries in the relationship is essential. He must know what you like or dislike.

You aren’t here to please him. He isn’t your boss. He is your life partner.

Start offering valid feedback to him on his behavior.

This way you pull away by taking a stand for yourself instead of accepting the status quo.

And let him know that you’re not ready to accept the behavior that truly hurts you and makes you lose trust in him.

What a good way to establish a new normal in your relationship, right?

He’ll know that he isn’t the baby to be spoon-fed and excused. 

If he is a man of conscience, he’ll step up and address the problems.

But, hey, hold on.

These steps aren’t useful if you are careless on 3 fronts.

It is great you know the secrets to how to pull away to make your man want you. But, they come with riders.

1. Don’t give in easily

Oh, how painful it is to not be your usual self and pull away from your man! 

Now you may have left your man confused and anxious.

Nobody wants to do that. But, sometimes in love, you do what is most discomforting.

All the efforts put into making the relationship work would be wasteful if he doesn’t reciprocate in kind. True?

It is important he feels that the relationship won’t work on its own. 

It needs his contribution. Even moreso if you’ve done enough to try to move things forward already.

So, do yourself a favor and don’t give in to any attention from him out of desperation.

Make him see that you’re not entirely dependent on his approval, attention and love to be happy (even though you do love him dearly).

He will keep asking you what the matter is, texting you more often than usual, sending you gifts and even writing poems to you, and apologizing every now and then.

A sorry won’t fix things if he doesn’t mean it. 

The harder it is for you to him to get you back, the more he’ll appreciate you. 

You are easygoing but not a pushover–and there’s a world of difference between the two.

2. Don’t panic

Everyone will tell you to not mess with your own relationship. True, you shouldn’t and you aren’t.

But, what if he derives validation from your constant expression of love and doesn’t give the same back? 

You’ll be yearning for the exact thing you are offering him–love.

You should know that you deserve a man who wants you.

But, you can’t make everything a cakewalk for him. 

He needs to acknowledge you as a person and he needs to acknowledge the relationship as a valuable bond.

If you panic and let him have his way because you fear he’ll leave you, then you aren’t gaining any respect. 

You have only regressed rather than making real progress.

I am not asking you to not be afraid. Who wouldn’t be afraid? 

By trying to pull away, you are essentially toying with his feelings and changing the dynamics of the relationship.

It is quite likely he won’t take this positively. But, this doesn’t mean he’ll leave you, and it doesn’t mean that these steps shouldn’t be taken!

A man who is in love, loves all parts of you. 

He is not perfect, of course. Neither are you. But, he is a human so he’s capable of change.

If he is invested in the relationship, even a little, then he wouldn’t let you pull away.

However, in case he shows no sign of regret or gaslights you, you need to get out of this relationship.

More: How to be High Value When He Pulls Away: 8 EXACT Steps.

And, thank yourself for googling how to pull away to make him love you.

Because you’ll know that pulling away doesn’t always make him love you. 

And, sometimes, that is a good thing.

3. Don’t be spiteful

Of course, you have all the reasons to feel angry and upset with his treatment.

Love shouldn’t be this difficult, but, sadly, it is at times. And, this can encourage you to take action out of spite.

Psychologist Valeria Sabater very rightfully describes spite as:

“An emotion that navigates between two rivers: a resentment that eats away at the individual, and unmanaged sadness.”

Literature is generally limited to spitefulness in relationships. 

But, whatever literature is available shows that it is associated with aggression and narcissism.

Thus, spitefulness is not an answer to how to pull away to make him want you.

You aim to pull away for the time being to assume importance in his life.

He has been unwilling or uninterested in evolving the relationship. So, you have to take measures to set things right.

But, if you show revengeful behavior, you may end up making things worse than they are.

Don’t cross the line. 

Do it in a way that shows you only intend the best for the relationship. 

…And yes, this is possible, even while pulling away.

It’s ok to not be available all the time, especially if you feel like you’re taking crumbs.

After all, remember: men can keep you around for decades and never fall in love with you.

This means they’ll keep you around for their own convenience – until they meet the woman they feel real, romantic love with and leave you for her. 

So it’s only right that you want to protect your time and your heart.

Just stay grounded in positive intent. Don’t do it in a way that shows you are trying to make him jealous and insecure.

Emotional overdrive can be a dangerous thing. And, it might lead your man to distance himself more.

Will Pulling Away Make Him Come Back?

I hope you are clear about what needs to be done to bring back your man.

True, pulling away doesn’t always guarantee his return.

But, it can give you a chance at love.

Don’t overdo any of the steps suggested above. Do them in healthy proportions. Await results patiently.

If he is serious about you and the relationship, then he’ll come back.

MORE: Will He Come Back? 7 Signs He Will & 3 Mistakes to AVOID.

But, if he doesn’t come back, then essentially he is just another man in your life. 

And, on this note, let me address a few questions about pulling away to make him want you.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Will distancing myself bring him closer?

It may or may not. See, relationships are defined by people.

If your man doesn’t hold strong affection towards you (read: if he isn’t in love), then he’ll stay wherever he is.

You can keep distancing yourself, but only a man who genuinely wants you would try to bridge the gap.

That being said, quite often, men go astray because of circumstances.

This doesn’t mean they are not in love anymore.

It becomes important to remind them of their responsibilities towards you as a partner. Distancing, therefore, could be vital in the process. 

2. What happens to a man when a woman pulls away?

He goes through a motley of emotions. And, it depends primarily on how he feels about you.

When a woman pulls away, a man can become insecure, anxious, and jealous.

He can end up questioning his value in your life. He may even start to introspect and acknowledge his missteps.

Distancing yourself from him can make him notice the changing dynamics. 

He’ll do his best to figure out what’s wrong and make amends.

On the other hand, it is also likely that there’s no positive change. 

Men who are not serious about their part in the relationship and pin all expectations on women are hopeless.

These men will not feel anxious about the future of the relationship.

They may even blame the woman for their treatment of her because they think they don’t deserve it.

Their behavior may become more toxic. Or, they’ll simply walk away from the relationship because it’s not ‘easy’ anymore. 

3. How to make a confused man want you?

If you are dealing with a confused man, then pulling away may work.

A man can be confused about the future of the relationship. Or, maybe he doesn’t find any impact in the relationship.

You can walk away and give him space to ponder. Make use of any of the suggested tips and pay attention to his response.

Many men realize how much they want the woman when she’s not around. They exhibit emotional and visceral reactions to her absence.

This way a confused man in a relationship can become confident about what he wants.

At the same time, he may feel more confused than before. Since you are not around and he’s already not sure about the relationship, pulling away can backfire.

So, as I already told you, don’t overdo it.

Don’t completely cut off channels of communication or show extreme changes in behavior.

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