Are you tired of chasing that emotionally unavailable man and feeling like a wounded antelope while he keeps darting away like a gazelle?
Are you wondering how to crawl under his skin and make him have the same level of obsession that you have for him?
Then, you’ve come to the right place!
Here, I will share 14 genius methods for how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you like a pitbull chasing a bone.
So, fasten your seatbelt and let’s dive into the murky waters of a love affair.
What Does An Emotionally Unavailable Man Want?
What an emotionally unavailable man wants and what he needs are two different things.
Usually, emotionally unavailable men will want all the typical things a securely attached, emotionally healthy partner will want.
The (painful) difference is that they’ll just go about it in different ways, or pretend that don’t want these things.
Despite his emotional unavailability, an emotionally unavailable man will want:
- Love (as much as he can tolerate)
- Intimacy (rarely, but there will be moments when he seems to want it. It may not be easy to pick up when he wants it as he won’t be as affectionate as a securely attached man would be)
A lot of these wants will be expressed under the radar, except perhaps for sex and excitement, because these are easy things for an emotionally unavailable man to ask for.
They’re surface wants. So it’s easier to ask for them and express a need for men.
Does No Contact Work On Emotionally Unavailable Men?
It can. It can make him curious and want to claim you again.
But it likely won’t make him love you more.
It will just trigger his curiosity.
It takes a little more work than the no contact rule to make emotionally unavailable men chase you, or to make emotionally unavailable men fall in love.
For more on the no contact rule and how it works on men, see this guide on what men go through during no contact.
Tip #1: Show Your Worth
The first step to getting an emotionally unavailable man to chase you is by showing him that you’re a worthy and valuable catch.
Stop settling for breadcrumbs and show him that you’re worth a whole bakery.
Set boundaries around what you’re willing to tolerate, and don’t be afraid to say no to him if he doesn’t treat you right.
(An example of him not treating you right would be treating you like an “option” rather than a priority.)
When he sees that he cannot take you for granted, he’ll start seeing you in a new light.
To communicate your worth, I recommend you say these two specific words to him…
Tip #2: Be (A Little) Unavailable
The second step is to become more unavailable yourself. Not emotionally unavailable, as thats just bad for your relationships full stop.
But rather, be less available.
Value your time and energy more – choose only to give it to him if he’s truly earned it and not just because you want him so badly.
Make him work for it.
Don’t be too eager to give him your whole heart. He will feel the difference in your energy.
Respond to his texts and calls when it’s convenient for you, and don’t always jump at his beck and call.
When he realizes that your energy and time is not cheap, he will come to a crossroads: does he up his game and chase you more?
Or does he simply let you go?
You’ll find out soon enough when you take this step!
Tip #3: Don’t Be Clingy
This is where most women mess up – but don’t worry if you’ve already made this mistake.
By reading this article and taking our advice, you can trust that it’s only uphill from here.
But just as a quick reminder about the downfall of clinginess:
When you become clingy, you don’t just cling to the man, you cling to drama and he runs in the opposite direction.
You cling onto fear, as well.
Which doesn’t feel very nice for the man, as I’m sure you can imagine.
Don’t try to cling onto a man who’s not that into you.
If you have to text him every five minutes, then you’re pushing him away.
Give him the space he needs, and he’ll appreciate you more.
Tip #4: Flirt With Other Guys
If you want to know how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you, then he has to care enough to feel jealous when you flirt with other guys.
If he doesn’t care about that at all, then there’s literally almost no point in trying to get him to chase you.
But if he cares at least a little, then it’s ok to do some harmless flirting with other men.
Flirt with other guys in his presence (not excessively), and he’ll start feeling threatened by your potential suitors.
Show him that you’re desirable, and he’ll feel the need to step up his game to keep you.
Emotionally unavailable men may not be capable of too much vulnerability, but they will still want to keep a woman that they believe is “theirs”.
They still won’t want to lose a good woman to another man. So use this to your advantage.
At the very least, you’ll get to find out if he cares.
In fact, would you like to discover if he’s likely to commit to you?
You can find out how commitment-friendly he is with our quick and easy quiz:
Tip #5: Develop Your Identity Outside Of The Relationship With Him
Emotionally unavailable men like space, but not so much space that they never get to see you.
So take the time to focus on yourself.
The best way to make a man chase you is by elevating yourself and building your identity outside of him.
Focus on yourself, your goals, and career.
Become the best version of yourself, and he’ll see that there’s value in chasing you.
Try not to act like he is your ticket to an amazing life.
Instead, make sure he knows you have your identity outside of the relationship with him.
You will find that if you do this, his emotional unavailability dissipates a bit.
Because he won’t feel the constant pressure and stress of having to keep you happy as well as soothe your anxiety about him.
That’s not to say that it’s wrong for you to have anxiety about him. In fact, it’s quite normal for you to have anxiety in a relationship with a man is emotionally unavailable.
But it’s also normal to have a little anxiety when getting close to any man in general.
Because you and a man have different reproductive agendas and different goals, which produces an uncertainty which can lead to natural anxiety.
You just have to be aware about whether your anxiety is constant and crippling your relationship with him or not.
If it is, you may have anxious attachment style. Would you like to discover what your own core attachment style is?
You can do so with our women-specific quiz.
QUIZ TIME: Anxious, avoidant or secure attachment patterns? Which one do I have?
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
Tip #6: Find Ways to Be Happy Without Him
Don’t make your happiness depend on him and what he does.
This is a sure way to chase him away. When he sees that he’s not the only source of your happiness, he’ll feel the need to compete for your love.
Here’s how you do this:
- Go out with your friends
- Explore new ideas
- Enjoy your hobbies, and
- Have a fulfilling life outside of him
He’ll see you as more valuable and want to chase after you.
Tip #7: Don’t Give Him Ultimatums
One of the worst things you can do with an emotionally unavailable man is to give him ultimatums.
Because they’re already afraid of abandonment deep down inside. They’re already experiencing stress when trying to build any kind of emotional connection or relationship.
You don’t want to add to that by threatening the relationship.
If you give him an ultimatum, you’re indirectly telling him to choose between you and his freedom.
No man wants to be in that position, let alone an emotionally unavailable man.
Instead of giving him an ultimatum, show him why he should choose you by being a valuable asset to his life.
Tip #8: Be Spontaneous
How to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you?
Bring spontaneity to the table. You. do that by being playful and letting yourself not be bound by rules or stress around relationships (or how you have to act in relationships).
Tip #9: Use High Value Banter
One little-known way to get an emotionally distant man to become closer to you is through the use of banter.
Now, with an emotionally unavailable guy, you have to know that he might not initially receive banter well.
Well, because if he’s an emotionally unavailable person, that means he likely has avoidant (or anxious avoidant) attachment style.
And if he has this attachment style, that means he likely didn’t progress to banter in his communication methods.
Usually, securely attached people respond well to banter.
But with an emotionally unavailable guy, go slowly and ensure he knows you’re being playful with your banter.
Using high value banter will really help him open up and come closer to you.
Tip #10: Don’t Force Him
If an emotionally unavailable man doesn’t want to come closer to you or chase you, then you have to consider whether he really the one for you.
Don’t force him to chase you. If it’s clear that he’s not interested in you, then it’s time to move on.
How would you know that it’s clear he’s not interested in you?
You’ll know when you have to always put in all the work to keep the relationship going.
If you’re always initiating contact, conversation and dates whilst he doesn’t ever initiate, that probably means he’s not that interested.
Yes, even if he responds to your attempts to communicate.
There’s a small chance that he’s just a really shy guy who is stuck inside his own shell (and therefore needs you to coax him out of it).
But once you’ve given all the signals and red lights for him to come forward and he still doesn’t, then don’t force it.
You will just look low value and ruin your own sense of self respect.
There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Remember, you cannot force someone to love you, and it’s better to go where you’re celebrated than where you’re tolerated.
Tip #11: Be Mysterious
If you want an emotionally unavailable man to chase after you, then you have to be an enigma.
Emotionally unavailable men need that extra ‘kick’ to get them curious and eager enough to put in the effort to chase you.
Being mysterious will add to your value and inspire him to have you on his mind constantly.
Here’s how to be mysterious:
- Be high value as a woman
- Don’t over explain yourself and your decisions
- Instead of revealing all your feelings, use some push and pull communication to tell him you like him
- Have different looks that you go to and use clothing and makeup to express the different parts of yourself (dark and light feminine)
Basically, don’t give him all of yourself on a silver platter.
Be mysterious, multi-dimensional and fascinating.
When you keep him guessing, he’ll be enthralled by your complexity, and can’t help but pursue you.
Tip # 12: Build Trust
Trust is a crucial aspect of any relationship.
If you want an emotionally unavailable man to chase after you, then you have to build his trust.
How do you make him trust you?
- Never pull away your love and acceptance of him
- Never manipulate him
- Don’t judge him
When he sees that you’re trustworthy, he’ll see you as a valuable partner to chase and will start pursuing you.
Tip #13: Be Patient
Getting an emotionally unavailable man to chase you is not easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight.
Be patient and take things one day at a time.
Learn to enjoy the present moment and not worry too much about the future.
When you’re patient, you’ll enjoy the journey and make positive memories.
Tip #14: Be Supportive
Being emotionally available requires emotional support from you, and if you want to be chased by an emotionally unavailable man, then you have to support him.
Support him in his vulnerability, his awkwardness as well as his dreams, his goals and his interests.
Listen to him when he talks and show genuine interest in his life.
When he sees how much of a supportive lady you are, he’ll chase after you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can an emotionally unavailable man miss you?
He can, but it is less likely. An emotionally unavailable partner will mostly not be vulnerable enough to miss you too much.
Unless….(yes, unless), you’ve managed to build deep trust and emotional connection with them.
Can an emotionally unavailable man still like you?
Of course he can like you. He may just not have the tools to share those feelings with you or to act on these feelings appropriately.
Though he can like you, this feeling may come out in awkward ways that make it hard for you to recognise.
Getting an emotionally unavailable man to chase you requires courage, patience, and perseverance.
Use these 14 genius ways to show him that you’re worth the chase.
There are no guarantees in life and you can’t make him chase you, but you can add enough value that he may want to chase you.
When you can do that, you’ll find that everything will fall into place.
Even if it means he doesn’t choose you or you don’t choose him.
Remember, you deserve someone who will chase you as passionately as you chase after him.