sexism

Everyone! This just in! The "gender wars" are over, and women won!. That's right; after fighting for centuries for equality, our struggles have finally paid off BECAUSE MEN ARE BECOMING JUST LIKE WOMEN. Which, you know, means not only are we equals now, but women are actually the conquerors in this scenario. WE WON!!!


Imagine a woman holding this sign and you'll get the idea.
OK, we might want to hold off on the victory parades for a minute, because the news of our triumph comes from The Huffington Post courtesy of Marcus Buckingham, whose bio describes him as a "personal strengths expert" (totally didn't realize that was a job, btw). In today's issue of the online journal, Buckingham claims that

In a war, no matter the outcome of a certain skirmish or battle, the winner is the party whose attitudes, behaviors and preoccupations come to dominate the postwar landscape. By this measure, the outcome of the gender wars, if wars they were, is clear: women won.

Does this argument seem flawed to you in any way? Yeah. Thought so.

Fans of Bravo's Top Chef this season know there's been one "cheftestant" that everyone with a remote control and an appetite for snarkiness loooves to hate: Douche de la Semaine Mike Isabella. And what's not to hate? Mike I. (not to be confused with Mike V., who is slightly less hate-able) is arrogant, sexist, annoying, loud-mouthed, and just not that funny. So, not to be left off of the "Mike Isabella is a Giant Ass" train, I am awarding him this week's Douchebag Decree.


Congratulations! You're a winner!

Read on for more, but beware: Spoiler (and Douche) Alert!

Let's say that you're out at a bar, and you meet an attractive girl. You want to talk to her, but you are completely devoid of all redeeming qualities and are literally incapable of striking up a conversation with anyone, let alone someone you hope to have sex with. Before now, you'd probably have to run to the bathroom and consult your Tucker Max paperback for potential date rape tactics, but not anymore. No, now there is an AMP iPhone app that will do all of the dirty work of "manipulating degrading figuring women out" for you.