As a tomboy bride, I BARELY wanted to wear a dress, let alone something that looked like to me like a cupcake.
The wedding industry, and pop culture in general, is so bossy about what everyone's experience of gender is. Hey, Wedding Crap Culture! Not everyone is a pile of princess fantasies! And stop telling all humans to lose weight! Stop counseling us all on up-dos!
"What will your wedding day hair be, Michael?" It will just be my hair. It's short and sits there on my head quite well.
One thing I found in planning my own wedding, and in being semi-privy to other queer weddings, was that the very fact of queerness and/or same-sex-ness sort of short circuited everyone's conscious and unconscious cultural assumptions. It's almost as though since the expectation of adhering to a traditional template wasn't there in the first place, it opened the playing field to a real sense of freedom of expression, experimentation, and individuality. YAY!