Unless you managed to spend the better portion of today on a remote island, there's been no escaping the steady barrage of royal baby tweets and headlines commemorating the Cambridge couple's spawning.
Now that the confetti has settled, the media is starting to move on from the modern fairytale. But there are some people for whom the royal wedding was an experience they'll never forget, in all the wrong ways.
The vows have been said, the register signed and the happy couple kissed on the balcony of Buckingham Palace in front of screaming crowds. For those of us who didn't score an invite to the most exclusive wedding of the decade, the media was on hand to guide us through the day—with a depressingly predictable side order of sexism.
As the day draws ever nearer, and even the most patriotic pundits run out of things to say about the ceremony itself, it's time to turn our attention to what comes afterwards. The significance of the event cannot be underestimated, and although none of us will be privy to what the newlyweds get up to behind closed doors, it doesn't stop us speculating. I speak, of course, of the reception.
With the whole world watching, it's understandable that Kate Middleton wants to look her best on her wedding day. But her recent weight loss has provided the press with its favorite topic: deconstructing women's bodies.
If rumors are true—and with this couple, it's only ever 50:50—then Kate Middleton will not promise to obey her husband in next week's ceremony. When even the Archbishop of Canterbury thinks it's a bit old-fashioned, you know it's a tradition worth discarding.
With little over a week to go, it's hard to imagine anything stopping William and Kate walking down the aisle—but that wasn't always the case. Up until their engagement was announced, it was assumed that one woman stood in Kate's way: her mother.
It's a problem faced by most straight couples—you haven't even tied the knot yet, and everyone is wondering whether you'll have children. Or in this case, whether your eldest child will inherit the crown if it's a girl. Like the nursery rhyme says: first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a debate about primogeniture that would overhaul the entire line of succession.
On 29 April, the streets around Westminster will be crowded with people eager to get a look at the happy couple and be part of what is being billed as an historic event. The guest list includes celebrities, politicians and six of their former flames, but there's one group of people who won't be welcome.