polyamory

Welcome to the latest installment of Ms. Opinionated, in which readers have questions about the pesky day-to-day choices we all face, and I give advice about how to make ones that (hopefully) best reflect our shared commitment to feminist values—as well as advice on what to do when they don't.

Dear Ms. Opinionated, I'm involved in two healthy, fulfilling polyamorous relationships. I am wondering how to navigate social situations where there is talk about relationships. I'm not ashamed of the way I live and love, even though some might consider it odd or morally wrong.

Welcome to the latest installment of Ms. Opinionated, in which readers have questions about the pesky day-to-day choices we all face, and I give advice about how to make ones that (hopefully) best reflect our shared commitment to feminist values—as well as advice on what to do when they don't. This week: what to do when your head likes the idea of non-monogamy but your heart screams, "No!"

Welcome to the latest installment of Ms. Opinionated, in which readers have questions about the pesky day-to-day choices we all face, and I give advice about how to make ones that (hopefully) best reflect our shared commitment to feminist values—as well as advice on what to do when they don't. This week: how to tell the friend you have feelings for that you'd like to go out with her, and that your partner doesn't mind.

I'm an affectionate person, almost everyone I've dated or been friends with commenting on that. But whenever I am out in public with my fiancée, I become self-consciously affectionate. Not because I'm concerned about what nasty thoughts people might think about seeing such queerness, but because of what they fail to think.

This post is about what I consider to be one way of being the change I want to see. I think of it as a small public education intervention that I do almost every day.

Perhaps inspired by her recent divorce from Sum 41's Deryck Whibley, "What the Hell" describes kissing various people and blowing off societal expectations. Now, the song's not without its problems. There's the "crazy" issue, and the lyrics are addressed to an unhappy main squeeze, which begs the question of how consensual their non-monogamy really is. Still, as with the Lou Christie classic "Lightnin' Strikes," I hear it as an exploration of dating around rather than a glorification of infidelity. "What the Hell" gave me the same flutter as Cher's 1998 smash "Believe," which burst onto the radio between songs about miserable devotion with the revelation "Maybe I'm too good for you." Yes, Avril's latest got my stamp of approval.

But then I saw the video.

Official music video and commentary after the jump!

Too often, people worry that if they expose the truth about themselves, the other person won't like them or understand... so they hold the truth back until they're convinced the other person likes them enough that the reality of whatever they were convinced was unlikeable will pass by unnoticed. That's maybe not the best plan.