marriage

 

Welcome to the latest installment of Ms. Opinionated, in which readers have questions about the pesky day-to-day choices we all face, and I give advice about how to make ones that (hopefully) best reflect our shared commitment to feminist values—as well as advice on what to do when they don't.

Dear Ms. Opinionated,

Welcome to the latest installment of Ms. Opinionated, in which readers have questions about the pesky day-to-day choices we all face, and I give advice about how to make ones that (hopefully) best reflect our shared commitment to feminist values—as well as advice on what to do when they don't.

Dear Ms. Opinionated,

I'd be interested to read a column about wedding etiquette, because it's ludicrous what couples expect their friends to shell out.

Last week, attorney Charles Cooper argued before the Supreme Court that the justices should deny the right for same-sex couples to get married because marriage has traditionally been about procreation. Time for a history lesson, Charles.

Far from being a union of one man and one woman, marriage, for most of human history, has been the union of two men: the husband and father-in-law’s wealth and property. Marriage was a business arrangement in which love was highly incidental. Forget kids or compatibility, the only thing guaranteed going in was a well-negotiated contract.

Happy almost-the-weekend, everybody! Here's what's been blowing up the Interwebs.

• At the Guardian's Comment is Free, Jill Filipovic wrote about straight women who change their names upon marriage, asking, modest-proposal–like, that men be expected to do the same. Twitter freaked out. [The Guardian]

• An anonymous mother wrote about outsourcing the diaper-changing of her youngest child to her older children. Mommyish readers freaked out. [Mommyish]

• The first video in Anita Sarkeesian's now-notorious Kickstarter-funded "Tropes Vs. Women: Video Games" series is up at Sarkeesian's site, Feminist Frequency. Zillions of trolls are freaking out right this very minute. [Feminist Frequency]

• Jezebel offered its own special take on the time-honored journalistic tradition known as False Feminist Death Syndrome, asking whether feminism is "nearing her expiration date." Let's not freak out, because seriously? Oldest trick in the book. [Jezebel]

• Forest Whitaker was recently frisked and accused of shoplifting at a New York City delicatessen. Are you surprised by this blatantly racist treatment of an Oscar-winning actor? Perhaps you shouldn't be, says Ta-Nehisi Coates. [New York Times]

• Happy International Women's Day! At PolicyMic, Roxanne Kristalli writes about the crucial need to look deeply at gender—not simply "women" and "men"—in global advocacy work. [PolicyMic]

• At the Root, Nsenga K. Burton writes about the disturbing uptick in public policing of women's clothing, whether on the red carpet or on the streets of their home cities. [The Root]

• And speaking of clothes, fashion legend Vivienne Westwood is not feeling Michelle Obama's fashion choices. Bold talk from a woman who made her name with studded dog collars and unwalk-inable platforms. Your move, FLOTUS. [New York Times]

• Finally, Joss Whedon has adapted Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing, and everyone seems psyched about it. [AtlanticWire]

Have a great weekend, all! And be sure to note anything we missed in the comments.

Welcome to "Ms. Opinionated," Bitch's new advice column, in which readers have questions about the pesky day-to-day choices we all face, and I give advice about how to makes ones that (hopefully) best reflect our shared commitment to feminist values—as well as advice on what to do when they don't.

First up: What do you do with a boyfriend who pooh-poohs your commitment to feminism because "men and women are totally equal now"?

We spend a lot of time in the handful of decades that we exist in this world being told things and telling things. But there are comparitively very few moments when we allow our pretenses to drop and we come together to share something honest, and complex, and for many of us a little (or a lot) scary. That's a transformative thing. 

The Pew Research Center offers startling, groundbreaking numbers on "Today's Woman" who "often balances her career with her husband and children." (Yes, this is a study from 2012, not 1975.) It is called "A Gender Reversal on Career Aspirations: Young Women Now Top Young Men in Valuing A High Paying Career." Hide your kids, people.

Yet, as a proportion of their annual incomes, the Kardashian kouple may actually be more reasonable than many other Americans. In 2007, the average cost of the American wedding was over $28,000; while the recession caused a bit of a dip for a few years, the price is now back up over $24,000.  These costs represent about half of the country’s median annual household (not individual) income; half of the money a couple makes in an entire year will be spent on their wedding.  Kim Kardashian made $18 million on her faux fairytale, so the budget was only slightly over what she made on a single day. If she’s being unreasonable (and she is), so is everyone else.

• "This is what sets Pariah apart from (white) singular-narrative LGBT films; it debunks the myth that life begins and ends between the point of self-acceptance, and a wedding." Spectra Speaks reviews Pariah at Racialicious.
• Ashley Lauren at Feministe picks apart the troubling world of marriage tropes on television.
• Ann Friedman wrote about the troubling media coverage of Malia Obama's height at GOOD.
• Watching a movie with a young one? Here's five tips for discussing problematic portrayals of gender with a child.
• A British psychological study argues that people can't discriminate between language used in pornography magazines and language used by sex offenders.
• Feministing piece has a piece on the yes-it's-real douchebaggery of the Pennsylvania State Liquor Control Board's new victim-blaming ad campaign.
• Indie hip hop artist Jean Grae stopped by at Aisha Tyler's Girl on Guy podcast this week, with hilarious results.
• From the World Is Still Awesome Department: bienvenidos, feministas, experience the "beauty and magic" (real quote) of Feminist Gael García Bernal.

Tell us what you think in the comments!

If you're straight, monogamous, and female, Carolyn Evans wants to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE! Her new book, Forty Beads, has "simple, sexy" advice: overcome the "libido gap" between women and men by having sex whenever your husband tells you to.

Hopping angry? It only gets worse.