Macy's

The annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is only a week away, which means we can all look forward to the over-the-top spectacle that perfectly represents this American holiday where we give thanks via excessive gluttony and then, the following day, trample others to death in order to get a deal on toys and electronics.

In advance of the parade, Macy’s been receiving attention for more than the promise of giant floats and huge crowds. It turns out that the public opinion of Macy’s spokesman and erstwhile racist conspiracy theorist Donald Trump leaves much to be desired. Signon.org has created a petition urging Macy’s President and CEO to "Dump the Trump," as he fails to represent the “magic of Macy’s.”

Well, it's time to go back to school again. And you know how I know? Because of television commercials, which give me all the information I need on what it takes to be a cool kid these days. (Hint: channel your favorite High School Musical Version of Glee character, then press fast forward.)