Sometimes a simple acknowledgment of douchery just isn’t enough.
Sometimes you have to step back and marvel at how consistent, how
dedicated, how impressively shameless a person’s commitment to being a
total asshole is. And that’s why Bitch has decided it’s time to start
recognizing those individuals as the All-Star douchebags they are.
Practically, it just makes sense: We plan to be awarding Douchebag
Decrees for many years to come, and there are some people it would just
be easier to mention once, acknowledging that not only have they
already amassed an impressive body of douchebaggery, they will surely
keep it up for the foreseeable future.
It’s in this spirit
that we give a nod today to the lifetime douchechievements of Mrs.
Caitlin Flanagan: author, columnist, wife, mother, professional scold,
and 24-karat-gold douchebag.
When i was 8, my father organized a present for my sisters and me to give my mom for Mother’s Day: a pressure cooker, wrapped up with other fun kitchen items like tea towels, pop-up sponges, spatulas, and an apron. It seemed like a good idea—Mom was the one who was always in the kitchen, and this was the day to celebrate her. But the minute she opened her present, even I knew we had the wrong idea.