fat sexuality

I talk a lot about lingerie, perfume, makeup etc. as ways for fat girls to feel sexy/enhance sensual feelings. These are all fine and good ways to do so—but what if your particular groove doesn't mesh with the more "femme" style of sexiness? Not every fat girl feels hot in skimpy nightclothes or red lipstick, and that's not necessarily because they don't feel good about how they look. Some fat women might find the pinnacle of sexiness in wearing boxers and a tank top. In a culture in which gender conformity is expected of not just fat women but all women, how does society treat fat girls who don't conform to gender stereotypes or engage in traditionally feminine behaviors?

Here's my first installment answering your questions for the "Ask a Fat Girl" series. I thought it would be fun to record my answers by audio and include a transcript. Enjoy!

Transcript (PDF)

In real life dating, as in pop culture, fatness is often treated as something a person has to overcome in order to be considered an acceptable romantic partner. The trope of the fat girl with the "great personality" ("great personality" being a common code phrase for "ugly" or "fat") who triumphs over dating adversity and finds a date who is able to see past the fat is commonly used in movies, television, and pretty much any other form of entertainment.

We're trying out a new feature on Sex and the Fat Girl, in which you get to ask me questions about sexuality, body image, etc. and I answer them here, in future posts. So please, let your inhibitions down, get curious, and start asking! Here's the link to the page where you can submit your questions: Ask a Fat Girl. Or, you can use the form below. I think this will be exciting, and I can't wait to get this conversation going.

There's a lot of misinformation around the web about sex and fat people. Particularly when it comes to the sexual skills fat people possess. I thought we'd have a little tongue-in-cheek fun by breaking down these myths and getting to the truth of the matter.

Reproductive rights for all U.S. women came under attack this month with the introduction of the "No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act" (H.R. 3) by Republican leaders in the House. Once again, a light is shone on the state of women's health in our country today, and it illuminates the situation of women who are routinely denied proper health care, such as fat women. As has been said many times, what makes fat deadly is not the fat itself, but the treatment the fat person receives both from society and from the medical-industrial complex. At every turn, we're told all our problems stem from being fat, we are ridiculed, and forced to accept a lower level of care than a thin person would. As far as our reproductive rights go, well, some people wish we didn't have them, period.

Outside the world of runway models, a degree of fatness is desirable--but only in certain places. We talked about desirable fat body configurations, but what about that gray area dividing thin women from fat known as "voluptuousness"? Society is willing to accept fat body parts, but distribute it throughout your entire body and watch folks retreat.

Sometimes it seems like we're bombarded by study after study telling us fat girls that unless we fit a certain body type, we're doomed to be relegated to the "unattractive" bin. If your fat happens to settle into an "hourglass" or "pear" shape, your fat is more likely to be seen as "OK" by the dominant culture.

Many fat girls bristle at the mention of fat/BBW porn. Of course among some feminists, any porn can be a hot topic, but for some fat feminist girls there's something in particular that's troubling about the idea that someone gets off on a body simply because it's fat. They may find it exploitative, or objectifying, or demeaning. As a sex-positive, porn-loving, fat, feminist girl I do understand the problems with the porn industry and its history of exploiting women. But the product itself, the porn, I see no problem with unless it's non-consensual. So seeing as how I enjoy porn, I also don't have a problem with fat/BBW porn. I don't see it as offensive or exploitative simply because it's directed at people who get off on seeing fat women's bodies. In fact, I think it's an extremely positive thing to encourage people to see fat women as sexual beings.

Hello, dear Bitch readers. I'm Tasha Fierce and I write the stalled blog Red Vinyl Shoes. If you don't know, I wrote the Size Matters blog series for Bitch last fall. Now I'm back with another column dealing with fat—this time, we're talking about sex and sexuality as it relates to being a fat girl. I feel like talking about sex and fat is something that's rarely done, even though there's so much evidence to support the idea that hey, fat girls like sex too and we're not ashamed of our sexuality. In the media and in life, fat sex is seen as disgusting by many, something that should be hidden away or joked about. I want to celebrate it, break down why there's such a barrier to discussing fat sex and critique the overarching societal values that seek to keep fat girls believing that they can't be sexual beings at the size they're at.