fat sexuality

This column has come to an end! I hope what we discussed helped you learn to love yourself a bit more. And, of course, I hope it made you think a bit and challenge assumptions about fat sexuality and societal beauty standards. My goal is to enlighten and deconstruct, to help fat women empower themselves and take their body image and sexuality into their own hands. So if anyone started on the road to self-acceptance because of this column, I'm happy.

I had the pleasure of attending the April 30 performance of Erica Watson's "Fat Bitch!" The show incisively cut through the societal baggage attached to being a fat woman using humor (hilariously!) and personal anecdotes. The finale video is something I hope everyone eventually gets to see because it is a work of comedy art. I got the chance to meet Ms. Watson after the show and she graciously agreed to answer some questions for me about her performance via e-mail.

Many of the ways we've talked about to combat dominant societal beauty standards and, in the process, boost your self-esteem/self-image, are subjective in nature. They involve presenting in a certain way to elicit the desired results: a new way of looking at fat sexuality. There's nothing particularly wrong with subjectivity in this sense, but when you take subjectivity to the personal level, the one-on-one level, it presents a problem. One commenter pointed this out in a roundabout way by complaining about women who say things like "Well, my boyfriend finds me attractive so that's good enough for me." Whether or not that attitude is annoying, it is certainly dangerous. Using perceived attractiveness (to a partner or potential partner) as a means to maintain your positive self-image is cheating on doing the work necessary to promote self-love.

I recently noticed that two commenters on my "Too Fat to F*ck" post expressed dismay at the idea of seeing ANYONE displaying sexual affection in public, not just fat people. I want to address this because that was not the point of the post. When I talk about bringing fat sexuality out in the open, I'm not talking about encouraging fat people to go have sex in a crowded parking lot. However fun that might be, it's not really effecting change to just have mass displays of public fat sex. I'm talking about not excluding fat people's sexuality in discussions about and representations of human sexuality. I'm saying the sexuality of fat people should neither be reviled nor ignored.

In so many questions submitted to Ask a Fat Girl, I was asked how to start loving your body. I gave many suggestions, but I want to touch on something that I think is integral to truly loving your fat body—taking responsibility for it. What I mean by taking responsibility is not denying culpability in your fatness to ward off judgment. You can't love your body and at the same time view it as being outside your control. I recognize that a main party line of many in the fat acceptance movement is often that fatness is not a choice. And I also recognize that when you're oppressed, it's easier to take the path of least resistance, which in this case would be the denial of culpability. To enjoy sex you must LIVE in your body, and living in your body means accepting the state it is in and the choices you make that affect it.

In a previous post about beauty standards/ideals, I suggested that fat women loving their bodies and viewing themselves as beautiful subverts the dominant beauty paradigm. One method of expressing your love for your body is through the action of dressing it according to your own personal style—whether you're a full-blown fatshionista or a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl. I specifically want to discuss the mindset of the former, those who embrace fat fashion as a way to resist cultural beauty standards.

This is the last edition of Ask a Fat Girl for a while. Today we talk about classes on sizeism, first time sex, "compliments" on weight loss, what I do when I'm feeling down on myself, and more! Transcript (PDF)

If fat is a feminist issue, why don't we challenge the dominant view that beauty is a viable concept instead of just accepting that unilateral standards of beauty exist and trying to shoehorn fat women into the "beautiful" category?

Here's the third installment of the Ask a Fat Girl series! Today we discuss cunnilingus for fat girls, being an "inbetweenie," lights-on, on-top sex, hourglass figures, fashion rebels, dating people thinner than you and more!

Transcript (PDF)

Hey! Here's the second edition of Ask a Fat Girl. This time we're talking about dudes who are in denial about being attracted to fat girls, good positions for two fat people to have sex in, how to deal with unwanted attention from fat fetishists, comparing yourself to skinny friends and more! Take a listen...

Transcript (PDF)