Sometimes the best books about sex simply state the obvious: masturbation feels good, most women require direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, fat people have and (gasp!) enjoy sex (and with all kinds of partners!). Hanne Blank's newly released edition of Big, Big Love is a prime example of how sex shame can be fought hardest by basic acknowledgment and normalization, sending us the big, big, loving message that no one should be deprived of a pleasurable, healthy and satisfying sex life. The second-coming (har-har) of Big, Big, Love (first published in 2000) is more of a total overhaul of the old version, complete with new illustrations, modern gender- and sexual-identity inclusion, interviews that tackle everything from "fatshion" to the carnal joys of flesh-folds, and a current resource list that makes it clear that Blank isn't the only one having, promoting, and writing about hot n' heavy, sexy, sexy sex.
Nancy's tumblr (called extra wiggle room in response to AA's message to women who "need a little extra wiggle room where it counts") is full of photos of her posing in various levels of dress with various levels of dressing (haha, but seriously she has a bunch of photos of her pouring salad dressing on herself). Behold:
I started rounding up my weight, started posting pictures of myself displaying my less photogenic qualities—if I was going to get rejected, it was going to be right at the start. Every time I'd meet a man in real life that I found attractive I would reject him immediately. "Nice try, sexy dude asking too many questions about my shirt. If I wanted you you'd just reject me so I reject you first and also leave me alone, I'm busy." Two months later I met the same guy on Gay.com and we got halfway through our first date before he remembered seeing me and flirting with me, and I felt really, really embarrassed that I had been so willfully obtuse. This same scenario played itself out repeatedly, although sometimes the guy just walked away and I never saw him again.
This column has come to an end! I hope what we discussed helped you learn to love yourself a bit more. And, of course, I hope it made you think a bit and challenge assumptions about fat sexuality and societal beauty standards. My goal is to enlighten and deconstruct, to help fat women empower themselves and take their body image and sexuality into their own hands. So if anyone started on the road to self-acceptance because of this column, I'm happy.
I had the pleasure of attending the April 30 performance of Erica Watson's "Fat Bitch!" The show incisively cut through the societal baggage attached to being a fat woman using humor (hilariously!) and personal anecdotes. The finale video is something I hope everyone eventually gets to see because it is a work of comedy art. I got the chance to meet Ms. Watson after the show and she graciously agreed to answer some questions for me about her performance via e-mail.
I will be reviewing the April 30 showing of "Fat Bitch!" for this column, and I'm interviewing Erica Watson after the show. YOU can win two tickets to either the April 29, 30 or May 1st shows, at 8 p.m., 8 p.m. and 5 p.m. respectively. The show is in Los Angeles at the Greenway Court Theater.
Some of the sexiest, most soulful singers also happen to be fat women. These are the kind of women who can empower you with their voice to embrace sensuality. From a plus size fashion icon to a musical legend, these singers prove that sexiness has nothing to do with size and everything to do with how you work it.
On Facebook today, Marilyn Wann shared an article on CNN.com about the health benefits of touch. She added "If being fat makes a person 'untouchable,' then that's a powerful confounding variable for claims about weight and health." I definitely agree, and of course media don't present fat people as worthy of physical contact particularly of a sexual nature. However, I think we do need to recognize that sometimes we shield ourselves from anticipated rejection by shunning the desire for touch, which is in and of itself unhealthy. It's not always that no one wants to feel the tactile pleasures of your body. We have to open ourselves up to receiving the sensory experience of intimate touch, which requires us to feel safe not only with a partner but with ourselves. Unfortunately, society doesn't make this an easy job.