douchebags

 

In more than three decades as an author, radio host, and moral proselytizer Laura Schlessinger has been called out more than once. In 1998, the woman lambasted the irrationality of her fellow vagina-Americans in the bestselling book Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives was confronted with her own moral lapses when nude photos of her—taken by the radio host Bill Ballance, with whom she had an extramarital affair—surfaced and were gleefully passed around the web. In 2000, as Schlessinger prepared to launch a televised talk show, gay activists who took exception to her view that homosexuality is "a biological error" that should preclude gay couples from adopting children launched the watchdog site StopDrLaura.com. (The talk show tanked fairly quickly, after more than 170 of its advertisers pulled out in response to StopDrLaura's efforts.) In 2009, numerous news and opinions outlets pointed out that her new book, In Praise of Stay-At-Home Moms, was an example of blatant hypocrisy, given that she herself had never been a stay-at-home mother.

Disclaimer: I'm about to shamefully make a Huey Lewis & the News reference: It's hip to be...a perv? Well, Terry Richardson seems to think so. Ever since sexual abuse allegations against the hipster icon surfaced, the blogosphere has been commenting on the subsequent shit storms that keep popping up around this perv. So, it's about time that we deem Richardson a douchebag.

So I was riding in the car yesterday, fiddling with the radio dial, when I was blindsided by a gigantic bag of douchiness, masquerading itself in radio EP form. Coming through the speakers in my friend's Kia were these words (poorly sung, I might add):

Shush, girl! Shut your lips!/ Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips!

I'm sorry, what? Do the HELEN KELLER? Because the ideal woman is unable to hear, see, or speak and can only communicate through hip gyrations? Once I recovered from the severe case of douchelash these lyrics brought upon me, I was able to do a bit of investigative research. The song is called "Don't Trust Me," and the offenders performers are the Colorado-based duo 3oh!3. Apparently, this single and its creators are sweeping the nation this summer, delivering a message of doucherty and douchetice for all. Peep the video for further evidence of this:



More decency-defying douchebaggery after the jump!

 

For the love of god, what will it be next? This is not Burger King's first rodeo, in terms of terrible, sexist advertising, but it might be the raunchiest and therefore the most abhor-able. There is no reading between the lines here, no smoke and mirrors as far as the imagery and message are concerned. So who the hell keeps getting this smut on their desk and signing off on it? In past blogs, we've tackled this b.s. once or twice before, and you'd think they'd eventually get over the tired, easy, douchebag messaging. "Fill your desire for something long, juicy and flame-grilled"? For the love of... Please, please, this is so grade school immature and straight-up offensive.

Burger King, women don't like giving sandwiches fellatio. Shockingly enough. Based on past ad campaigns, Burger King thinks women think hamburgers are babies and now, penises, and that we'll stuff our pants to emulate Spongebob so we can drop it like it's hot in some weird, washed-up '80s hip-hop star's quasi-music video. A big shut up, please, to Burger King for their latest jaunt down Douchebag Avenue. BK execs, why don't you take your own advice and suck it (metaphorically speaking).