Douchebag Decree

Sometimes, products are all the more disappointing when they sounded pretty cool at first.

Case in point: Mattel's blockbuster franchise, Monster High. This series of dolls is centered around the children (mostly daughters) of werewolves, mummies and other classic beasties of horror tales. When speaking about the franchise to the New York Times, Tim Kilpin of Mattel said, "Who doesn't feel like a freak in high school? It started with that universal truth." Of course, high schoolers aren't Mattel's target market; in fact, most Monster High products are officially listed as "Age 6-8." Still, dolls that promote not buying into superficial mainstream standards would be neat, right?

Yeah, they would. Too bad that's not what's happening here.

Alarming pics and video after the jump!

OK, we've published plenty of posts here on Glee and how it maybe isn't all it's cracked up to be. Many of us are not exactly what you'd call "fans." We know the show has problems. We get it.

What we don't get, however, is Douchebag de la Semaine Bret Easton Ellis' recent tweets about the show. To quote:

I like the idea of 'Glee' but why is it that every time I watch an episode I feel like I've stepped into a puddle of HIV?

Hm. We don't know Bret. Maybe it's because you are wrongly associating gay characters on television with a virus in a way that is not only douche-y but outrageously homophobic and ableist?

Wait! Yes, you! Were you about to go buy some stamps? Be careful! According to the American Thinker, American stamps are "childish, silly, and racist"! Now, does that sound like something you'd want to support? Would you want to put "blacks no one has heard of" all over your nice envelope? The Thinker, an ironic title if ever there was one, certainly would NOT. We here at Bitch are henceforth renaming the conservative think tank the American Douchebag.

Remember when Andre Bauer equated poor kids with stray animals and condemned free lunches because he doesn't want them to "breed"? Well, New Hampshire now-ex-lawmaker Martin Harty has joined him in a special level of doucheland with jaw-dropping comments about people with disabilities.

Have you ever thought about Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, naked? Well, he might be thinking about you naked, and FalseFlesh wants to help him with his dreams. If his dreams are to look at your naked body without your permission. There's an app for that! (Links after the jump are potentially NSFW)

Two students at Texas State University have founded the Former Majority Association for Equality to financially assist white men. Yes, only white men, because according to co-founder William Lake, they are "one group that just doesn’t have any support."

 

Seeing as it's National Women's History Month I thought we might be short on douchebags this week. No chance.  Beyond the heaps of reappropriation and cause-branding companies stamping International Women's Day discounts on "goods" ranging from totebags to mail-order brides, senior d-bags up for declaration are the Network of Enlightened Women and their annual Gentlemen's Showcase. Misguided by the Palins and Thatchers of the right wing's anti-feminist past and present, NeW replaces the women showcased during National Women's History Month with men!

This just in! Career antifeminists Phyllis Schlafly and Suzanne Venker blame feminism for the nation's divorce rate (among other things)! In their upcoming book The Flipside of Feminism: What Conservative Women Know—and Men Can't Say, Schlafly and Venker posit that feminists, with our love of divorce, our hatred of men, our general negativity, and our blatant duplicitousness, have fostered a culture where splitting up a marriage is as easy and breezy as splitting the check at a restaurant.

Have your preteen's looks suffered with age? GeoGirl can erase her wrinkles in time for that last year of grammar school!

Wait...what?

No Piers, I'm not calling you out because you routinely dis audience favorites on America's Got Talent (although seriously, dude has built his career making people cry). No no, you are hereby declared an epic D-bag for interviewing one of the most intelligent, politically savvy women in the world and asking her why she's not married and what she'd cook you for dinner.