Douchebag Decree

Some days you wake up to the right light coming through the window, that good song with the hand claps and the trombone in your head, and you don’t mind the slush at your feet or the hole (in the crotch) in your pants. Your coffee’s good and things just seem like they’re alright. And then you run into this….

Urban outfitters recently yanked a t-shirt from their shelves, citing "bad press" as the reason. Was it one of their infamous "Voting Is For Old People" shirts? Or possibly the one with money signs encircling the phrase "Everyone Loves A Jewish Girl?" Or maybe one of the many shirt images that have been stolen from independent companies and designers?

Hear ye, hear ye! It is hereby declared that:

1) If you have been known to refer to yourself as "A-dog";

2) If you are such a jerk that even hockey players are embarrassed by your behavior;

3) If you spent the off-season interning at Vogue;

4) And, most importantly, if you publicly refer to your ex-girlfriend as "sloppy seconds"...

Tyrone Freeman, master of the secret arts of douchebaggery and former president of the United Long-Term Care Workers, a labor union in Los Angeles, has been banned for life from the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) for "misappropriating" over $1 million dollars of the union members’ dues money.

What do you get when you combine a gigantic brothel, a promotional stunt, a tattoo artist, and a ton of douchebags? The answer, of course, is the recipient of this week's Ye Olde Douchebag Decree!

So many douchebags, so little time. The air was thick with them this week: That guy who owns American Apparel and who holds his staff meetings in the nude; Joe the Plumber and his dumb-ass new country music contract; George W. Bush and his stupid face.

As Jonanna and Ray have pointed out below, although it's effing incredible Obama's our new president, local elections across the country left a lot to be desired. One instance was Michele Bachmann, who just achieved a close victory over Democratic-endorsed, adorably-named Elwyn Tinklenberg in Minnesota’s Congressional election, and is the first official recipient of the Bitch blog’s Douchebag Decree, our new public service informing readers of douchebaggery near and far. Read on for this week's installment on Bachmann, proudly doing her part to set back feminism.