cosmetics

Television and magazine audiences are well aware that the beautiful female faces we are enhanced with a slew of cosmetics. What audiences don't seem to take into account is is that the men's faces are also dolled up—the guys just often don’t talk about it or sign ad deals with Revlon. 

This creates the impression—that's both incorrect and damaging—that male celebrities and models don't undergo the rigorous beauty routines of their female colleagues. How utterly false. 

In an effort to avoid as many chemicals as I can in our toxic world, I do my best to not put anything on my face that I couldn’t put in my mouth. For many people, though, mainstream beauty products are standard items. According to a Bloomberg report, the average American woman uses about twelve health and beauty products on her face every morning. From formaldehyde in shampoo to lead in lipstick, that’s a lot of toxins to be absorbing.

While we might scoff at the spray-tanned guys of "Jersey Shore" and their year-round pursuit of bronze, skin lightening isn’t so easy to laugh off. First, skin lightening is far more globally and culturally pervasive than tanning, with pressure to lighten being highest for those of Asian, Latino, and African ethnicities. For instance, baseball star and native Dominican Sammy Sosa made headlines in 2009 when he copped to using a nightly skin bleaching cream that had noticeably whitened his face. A couple weeks ago, Jamaican dancehall artist Vybz Kartel sparked controversy regarding his forthcoming cosmetics line that includes a skin lightening solution called "cake soap."

By now, you're probably aware of the Disney Princess Industrial Complex, an entire industry built on encouraging young girls to fantasize about being princesses and convince their parents to spend tons of cash making their tiara-clad dreams come true. Well, apparently the folks at Disney don't want to stop at marketing their characters to young girls, because they are teaming up with MAC Cosmetics to offer a line of Disney-inspired makeup. And what's more, the makeup is not modeled after Disney's princesses, but rather their "Venomous Villains." You too can look like Cruella Deville or the Evil (nameless) Queen from Snow White! Finally!

Dear Women,

We realize that we're already making you feel bad about your hair, breasts, lips, butt, legs, and overall body type, but our work is far from over. We would now like to introduce you to a new, hopefully self-esteem-lowering, chock-full-o-side-effects cosmetic designed to make you feel like your F*ING EYELASHES aren't good enough. Please watch the following video, feel the requisite amount of inadequacy, ignore the dangers, and write your doctor a big fat check for some LATISSE today.

Sincerely, Your Beloved Beauty Industrial Complex