christmas

If the incessant loop of "Baby It's Cold Outside" playing at the grocery store hasn't tipped you off yet, allow me: The holiday shopping season is upon us. And if you celebrate this time of year, this means you have approximately one month to buy everyone in your life a meaningful gift—and retailers won't let you forget it. Hence, the holiday shoppings ads, which are now playing at a rate of approximately one thousand per minute. While some of these spots are kinda clever, others are downright terrible. That's why were reprising an age-old Bitch blogs tradition, as timeless and hairy as Santa's beard. It's the Offensive Commercials Holiday Showdown!

Mixing classics with covers, the Bitch staff has put together some of our favorite Christmas songs that span decades, genres, and levels of corniness. From the Loretta Lynn to Kristy MacColl and from Kinks to David Cassidy, you're sure to hear something you'll like. Plus, our mix contains a fair amount of songs that emphasize the not-so-jolly aspects of the season, like if you're heartbroken. Or in prison (see: John Prine). Enjoy, and we hope your winter celebrations are swell!

Dating can be confusing -- especially when one or more parties links emotional milestones to consumerist signifiers. And yet ... somehow, the solution is probably not to buy cheap accessories at Target.

If you have a tendency to get sucked into bad movies starring formerly famous actresses, you've probably watched some "Fa la la la Lifetime", a month-long event in which Lifetime Television brings out its considerable collection of Christmas movies.

Whether they're are about Christmas dating, Christmas engagements, or Christmas weddings, the movies usually to have a few things in common: sassy friends with Canadian accents, insipid male love interests, excessive seasonal decorations, embarrassing covers of Christmas carols, and unconvincing dye jobs. I watched enough this year to discover a sub-genre that’s even more unsettling than your average cute-heroine-finds-Christmas-love story. I call it the Second Chance Fantasy.