BDSM

As kink continues to infiltrate the mainstream media so does its accompanying lingo, and one of the terms that's bugging non-kinksters is "vanilla." As folks who've fought against negative labels themselves, should BDSM practitioners quit bandying around this term? Or do we just need to redefine "vanilla" as an equally acceptable sexual choice?

A decade before 50 Shades, closet kinksters were finding a way to come out via Steven Shainberg's exercise in office S&M, Secretary. While this tense and sexy movie may have avoided coming off like a bad porn script, did Secretary do much to challenge the stereotype of the typical "weak female" submissive?

This is the second part of a two-part series on female submission and oppression. Read the first post here.

The woman who admits to enjoying sexual submission often finds herself stuck between the rock of a sexist society that tells her she's just exemplifying women's true nature, and the hard place of a feminist community that considers her brainwashed by the patriarchy. Why is a female submissive so rarely accepted as "a woman just plain getting her rocks off," Cliff Pervocracy wonders? A deeply unhelpful media may be part of the answer. As feminist kinkster Mollena Williams, co-author of Playing Well With Others, points out, "If people see the imagery of BDSM, whips, chains, pain, the serial killers of film and television...? Of course they may be repelled and confused." That itself doesn’t make an activity wrong, or anti-feminist. The feminists who condemn female submissives "mistake their sexual preferences for a universal system that will or should work for everyone," says pro-BDSM feminist Gayle Rubin. When women's sexual behavior is subject to negative scrutiny and found "wanting" by other women, it isn't feminism—it's bigotry, often fueled by little more than personal prejudices.

Before I even get into the thorny issue of how the media represents female sexual submissives, I want to lay some groundwork and represent feminists on both sides of the debate: Is the female submissive who consensually participates in BDSM empowered or betraying the sisterhood?

A wise soul suggested that, if I wanted to see BDSM imagery meet pop culture, I should take a look at 30 Seconds To Mars' video for their song "Hurricane." Watch Jared Leto getting kinky, you say? Oh, well, if you insist. The things I do for this blog...

Hurricane - 30 Seconds to Mars from RP Sitabi on Vimeo.

Sex and the City broke serious ground in the late '90s when it was lauded for its frank and open discussions of sex—by women, no less!—without taking itself too seriously. But did it ever manage to move beyond the media's often cartoonish portrayals of BDSM?

“Like most things that are depicted in a problematic way, BDSM is subject to uninformed sweeping generalizations about what it looks, acts and feels like,”says writer Stacey May Fowles. Indeed any subculture can find itself badly misrepresented, especially when the media gets involved. So before we let loose on pop culture, let's consider and debunk some of the myths surrounding BDSM and the folks who participate in it...

In 1957, Elvis asked us to “Put a chain around my neck and lead me anywhere” in the song “Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear.” Fifty-five years and a whole lotta writhing, panting, and spanking later, pop culture’s fascination with BDSM still knows no bounds. So why, in the jaded, post–50 Shades 21st century, do kink and feminism still make uncomfortable bedfellows? Come with me on a journey through BDSM and pop culture to find out more...