Ah, Rolling Stone. Twice a month, you arrive at my doorstep (yeah, I don't know either. My boyfriend bought concert tickets or something? And then it came for free? Rolling Stone: The Magazine So Relevant They Basically Have To Force You To Read It) and generously provide me with a new reason to fear for the future of the world and all those who live therein.
So I was riding in the car yesterday, fiddling with the radio dial, when I was blindsided by a gigantic bag of douchiness, masquerading itself in radio EP form. Coming through the speakers in my friend's Kia were these words (poorly sung, I might add):
Shush, girl! Shut your lips!/ Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips!
I'm sorry, what? Do the HELEN KELLER? Because the ideal woman is unable to hear, see, or speak and can only communicate through hip gyrations? Once I recovered from the severe case of douchelash these lyrics brought upon me, I was able to do a bit of investigative research. The song is called "Don't Trust Me," and the offenders performers are the Colorado-based duo 3oh!3. Apparently, this single and its creators are sweeping the nation this summer, delivering a message of doucherty and douchetice for all. Peep the video for further evidence of this:
More decency-defying douchebaggery after the jump!