True Blood: Save Yourself

TV post by Kelsey Wallace on August 27, 2012 - 9:53am; tagged recaps, True Blood.

It was a shenanigans-packed finale on last night's True Blood! Should we have expected anything less?

Lafayette sitting at Merlotte's bar
LaLa's face says it all.

We've been live-tweeting the season at @BitchMediaLive. Follow along while you watch the episode or get caught up right here! We reorder our tweets so you can read along while you watch.

Live-Tweeting the True Blood Finale!

Storified by BitchMedia LiveTweet · Mon, Aug 27 2012 09:42:52

Grab yr secret stash of B positive, because it's #TrueBlood time! I'm @KelseyMWallace Let's live-tweet Alcide's pants off the SEASON FINALE!BitchMedia LiveTweet
I guess if anyone had the true death coming it was Russell, but I'm going to miss that Karaoke-singing wisecracker. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
No amount of rhinestones and lip gloss will distract us from Sookie/Anna Paquin's very obvious baby bump. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
All those vampire ninja skills and Bill can't even catch a fly? Some king. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
You knew that favor Sookie owed Pam was going to come back and bite her in the ass. Um, neck. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
"If I want to be a fool then I WILL be a fool! It's my God-given right as an American." Jason, repping for us all. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Hush vampire soldiers, foghorn leghorn has something to say. #TrueBlood @BitchMediaLiveJacob Dittmer
Salome, Bill obvs wants to kill you so bad right now. Haven't you learned anything from your millennia of seduction and trickery? #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
"Why must all roads lead to fucking Sookie?" Once again, Pam speaks the truth. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
I'd watch the shit out of a spinoff show where Alcide and his dad get mani pedis. Are you listening @hbo? #QueerEyeForTheWolfGuy #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Yikes. Vampire blood turns you into a homophobe now? Don't tell Eric and Bill—I'm still waiting for them to make out! #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
The ghost of Mama Stackhouse must not have heard Jason say "that train has sailed" before she said she was proud of him. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Sweating out blood and she's still on his case for not calling her back. Werebitches, amirite? #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Someone get me a fly swatter because I am OVER this shifter bullshit. I liked Sam better when he was a dog. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
After you grab that fly swatter bring me one of those cajun margaritas too! I would like a "little sippy sip" plz. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Also, Lafayette should always be in charge of the jukebox and he should plan every party forever. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Drink that marg while you can, Holly! Your bf's around the corner with a knocked-up fairy—that buzz is gonna wear off QUICK. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Jason is pulling some real Dr. Laura shit right now. He should get his own conservative vampire-human relationship advice show. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
"I have no idea what's happening!" Drunk Jane is the wisest person on this show. I hear you, girl. I hear you. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Pastor Steve would have a "Fur Pete's Sake!" sticker on his dog crate. He might be a werewolf kidnapper, but in a cute way! #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Andy Bellefleur raises four baby girls: I smell a slapstick comedy! Quick, call Steve Guttenberg. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Does Alcide reeeally need to have his shirt on for this fight scene? He'd probably fight better shirtless. Just sayin.' #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
"We choose pack" is a hilarious slogan given Joe Manganiello's turn as "Big Dick" Richie in #MagicMike earlier this summer. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Bill's mouth is silent, but his brain is all "SOOKEHHHHH!" #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
"I did not see that shit comin.'" Lafayette and Jane make a great Greek chorus. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Finally Jason can put his extreme fundamentalist militia skills to use. He learned them from you, Newlin! #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
"I'm gettin' you the fuck out of jail, bitch." Tara and Pam are so sweet together. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Tara and Pam! Tara and Pam! YESSS. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
With all the Lilith blood gone those vamps are gonna have to drink hurricanes next time they go to NOLA like everyone else. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
"Pour it in the fucking fire and make out with me like I know you want to!" Eric to Bill, in my version of this script. #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
All this drinking potions and dying is so Romeo + Juliet. I wish Baz Luhrman had directed this finale! #TrueBloodBitchMedia LiveTweet
Bill is the new Lilith, Tara and Pam are the new it couple, and Jason is the new Warlowslayer. See you next season, #TrueBlood!BitchMedia LiveTweet

Can you believe it's been 12 weeks since this schlocky roller coaster of a season began? If you just can't wait for season six, fear not: HBO has a True Blood cookbook to tide you over. FIll your next 40 weeks with food called things like "coleslaw comeuppance" and "confederate ambrosia." You won't even realize the show's off the air (because you're too sick to watch television).

See you next season!

Previously: Sunset; Gone, Gone, Gone

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