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Sex and the Fat Girl: What's it All About?

Hello, dear Bitch readers. I'm Tasha Fierce and I write the stalled blog Red Vinyl Shoes. If you don't know, I wrote the Size Matters blog series for Bitch last fall. Now I'm back with another column dealing with fat—this time, we're talking about sex and sexuality as it relates to being a fat girl. I feel like talking about sex and fat is something that's rarely done, even though there's so much evidence to support the idea that hey, fat girls like sex too and we're not ashamed of our sexuality. In the media and in life, fat sex is seen as disgusting by many, something that should be hidden away or joked about. I want to celebrate it, break down why there's such a barrier to discussing fat sex and critique the overarching societal values that seek to keep fat girls believing that they can't be sexual beings at the size they're at.

We'll explore topics like fat/BBW porn and discuss whether or not it's exploitative (or just plain hot), "feeders" and how their existence challenges what is conventionally erotic, fat girls and online dating, how certain shapes of fat bodies are considered more sexually attractive, the compartmentalization of fat body parts when it comes to attractiveness, and more. There's a wealth of topics around fat sexuality to explore that haven't really been delved into too much, so I'm aiming to bring them out and examine them with a feminist twist. I'm mainly focusing on fat girls in this series, but we'll be discussing some issues that pertain to the guys too.

As with my last series on fat, with this column I'm not talking about whether or not being fat is healthy or a fun thing to do. I might talk about attractiveness levels, but that's not the space for fat haters to come in and tell me how un-sexy being fat is. NO fat negativity whatsoever, okay? I don't want the comments to descend into bickering again. Let's stay on topic—and this seems like a pretty interesting topic—and if you want to voice your opinion on how disgusting you find fat people, there are plenty of places on the Internet where you can do so and feel supported.

I've actually started a new blog named the same as this column: Sex and the Fat Girl. There I talk more about the frivolous aspects of fat sexuality and also the practical aspects of dating while fat, as well as things like relationships etc. It's got links to some of the articles I've written about sex for other magazines. Red Vinyl Shoes is kind of in limbo, so I'll be updating at the new blog more often. You can also follow me on Twitter as @thefiercestgirl to get updates on what I'm doing and when new posts come up.

Back to the point: I hope you enjoy this column (or at least find it interesting), and I'm looking forward to spending the next two months with you again. I think we'll have fun!

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Comments

19 comments have been made. Post a comment.

Fat girls and sex

I look forward to seeing how this plays out....I've been a variety of sizes and can say I would enjoy an open writing about fat and sex. Its a difficult topic, but as all people have body issues and (hopefully) everyone like sex - this should be interesting.

Looking forward to hearing

Looking forward to hearing other people's views on this topic, instead of the same conversation, judgements, questions going round and round in my head :)

I am really looking forward to reading this.

...and I'm sure Tasha will bring it like no one's business.

Becky Sharper www.harpyness.com

As a sex-having fat girl

As a sex-having fat girl (fat-having sexy girl?) I am super excited about this series and glad Tasha is back at Bitch!

New fave.

RMJ: This is one of my favorite comments ever, of all time, on the Bitch blog. Just so's you know.
--Katie

Looking forward to it!

This is great!! It's about time someone speaks up about this - thanks Tasha!!

Great topic ...

This is a refreshing new topic that few dare to address. The expression "there's someone for everyone" is a cliche, but it's so true. There are many men that are drawn to the voluptuous larger lady. The media seems to lean toward the toned, slim, big-busted ladies .... but most men are just regular men who aren't "buff" or what ever the media expects THEM to be. I think they just want a REAL lady.

"Real lady"

Skinny ladies: they are not fictional, actually! And also! How often men are attracted to different kinds of women does not determine their relative worth! All kinds of bodies are great!

This! To validate fat women

This! To validate fat women is not to denigrate skinny or slim ones.

Awesome

Awesome first post Tasha, I'm really looking forward to this series!

Yay!! I was wondering why

Yay!! I was wondering why Red Vinyl Shoes seemed to go dormant... you're working on new things! I look forward to this blog series. As a fat, single, WOC, I'm constantly looking for well-written discourse on the topic of Fat Sexuality to which I can relate, and I've found that you are one of the few that discuss it with consideration and in plain language (and with a bit of sass). I'm very excited for this.

Tasha, I am so glad to see

Tasha, I am so glad to see you back! You are a treasure. Will be following updates eagerly!

More to Love, REPRESENT!

You should talk about that "More to Love" reality show that they had a while back, I would be interested in your opinion. I'm really excited abut this column I'm really into human sexuality and you're so right about the representation of fat girls!

No Whitewashing

Hi Tasha,

As a Fat Fetishistic, Fat Admirer, and yes, even a female Feedee, I hope that you take the time to include these and other forms of Fat Sexuality in your column. We are an integral part of Fat Pride, and seek the same acceptance as our other sisters do. And no, another blog saying that we are not the "right kind" of people in the Fat Movement is unacceptable. Like us or hate us, Feederism and Fat Fetishism is integral to our community. Full stop.

Feel free to email me or check out my blog, Feedee World @ http://feedeeworld.wordpress.com/.

-Amanda

:)

Welcome back, Tasha! I'm looking forward to your new series here on Bitch.

Awesome

I'm really looking forward to this. It shouldn't be brave to address these questions, but sadly it is.

I'm likewise interested in the academic redefinition of "fat" to include anyone who feels vulnerable because she doesn't fit into the traditional definition of "thin." (That would be nearly all women and most men, would it not?) A woman who is quite thin but voluptuous has doubtlessly questioned her physical beauty and self-worth, and that situation certainly deserves examination, but to me, the struggles and experiences of someone, like myself, who is actually fat are quite, quite different from someone who, in general, has had few negative experiences purely because of the shape of her body. How many times have thin women been heckled about her weight from strangers in passing cars? Been called a "cow"? Felt like hiding in corners at parties? Been passed over by potential romantic partners for her thinner friends? Been terrified to remove her clothes for sex, even with adoring, supportive partners? Felt invisible in the world because her fat negates her social worth? I believe those specific, dangerous, emotionally devastating experiences deserve their own space in feminist discourse. I don't want to imply that one train of feminist thought is more valuable than another, and certainly all body-image questions are intertwined, but I think equating "fat" with all "body-image" questions skirts the very real prejudices that fat women have to fight against over and over.

Thanks for taking on this unique topic.

Reply to drmcohn

Absolutely. There was an excellent article by Marissa Audia-Raymo in (whisper it) BUST a few months ago which dealt with the ways in which the fat stereotype of the 'Grenade Launcher' -thanks again ,Jersey Shore- affects and 'negates (your) social worth', as you wrote. Audia-Raymo takes it further in considering not only bodily and social acceptance of the fat girl, but also the attitudes of fat girls who have lost weight ,and where they should/can begin to identify themselves in the self-esteem vortex that such a huge change can bring about. I'd love to see a wider discussion of this, as well as what it means to be a partner post-weight loss (all very Marcy in Bat In Bunk 5, to be sure.Love it). But thanks again- can't wait to see where this leads.

THAT was unexpected...

A+ on the Bat in Bunk 5 reference, Abi.L.Glen.
Like so many, I'm looking forward to this series!

Overweight women vs sexuality

Hi girls!

I can tell you that French fatness women are the most perverse, it's those who to practice more sodomy ...

It's the same in your country?

Sophie
Marseille (France)