Sex and the Fat Girl: Too Fat to F*ck?

manueluribeandwife.jpg

A little over two years ago, "World's Fattest Man" Manuel Uribe married his fiance Claudia Solis to the clucking dismay of fat haters everywhere. How could she be sexually attracted to someone so fat? How do they even have sex? When the answer to the latter question came in, you could almost see the horrified faces: His friends constructed a "sex ramp" that enabled him to consummate his marriage. The idea of fat people having sex has long been a source of asshole-ish commentary and thinly veiled (if you're lucky) disgust. And yet, we fat people keep going on and getting it on.

The case of Manuel Uribe shines a light directly on society's discomfort with the existence of fat people who continue to live their lives fully despite the oppression they feel, and who, despite society's vigorous objections, continue to engage in activites that bring sexual pleasure. Infamously, last October Marie Claire printed a blog post on their website by Maura Kelly that essentially said "ew, gross" to the sight of two fat people kissing. Clothes on, nothing past first base. So apparently, we're supposed to "get a room" even to just make out (what's incredibly silly is that on the show Ms. Kelly was referring to, Mike and Molly, they were kissing inside their own house), because it's just too much for thin people to look at without being disgusted. To quote Ms. Kelly, who is addressing a question posed to her:

So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine [sic] addict slumping in a chair.

This gets into judgments of health status, which if you followed my last column here (or pretty much any fat acceptance blog), you know is just a red herring to distract from underlying fatphobia. People love to "health troll" fat people under the guise of concern, as Ms. Kelly does in her article. Notice she tacks on the end of that quote a qualifier that she just doesn't like to watch any kind of "unhealthy" behavior, but in the process equates being fat to being an alcoholic or a drug addict. But her main point remains: Fat people should not be sexual, at least not in front of anyone who isn't also fat. It's just too much for the delicate sensibilities of fat haters. I can only imagine what Ms. Kelly would have had to say about Manuel Uribe's sex ramp.

I'd like to digress for a minute and point out the ableism inherent in ridiculing the sex ramp. Some disabled people also need to use assistive devices to be able to have sex, and if you're making fun of someone because they're not able to have sex the "normal" way, you're including some disabled folk in there too.

But, back to the main point. Interestingly, some studies have shown that fat women have more sex than their smaller counterparts. So clearly, we're not all gaining weight to armor ourselves against sexual advances/activity, as some Freudian theories would have you believe. Whether or not society views fat women as sexual beings, our pool of potential partners doesn't seem to be drying up, despite all the "roll them in flour" type of fat sex jokes. This study seems to prove that while some people might say one thing about fat women (and fat men) being sexually desirable, they say a whole 'nother thing when the lights are dimmed.

If the story of Manuel Uribe, Claudia Solis and of course, the sex ramp doesn't prove that fat people, even people the size of "the world's heaviest man," are just as sexual as nonfat people, I don't know what more evidence you need.

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Comments

28 comments have been made. Post a comment.

Nicely done. However, it

Nicely done. However, it would have been even better if while pointing out the fatphobia/ablelism surrounding this, you also would have pointed out the compulsive drive for penetrative sex to define what is ultimate, natural and normal. I'm sure they were able to have sex in other ways that may not have included vaginal penetration. While trying to get away from limited representations of acceptable, fuckable bodies we must not enforce a code of acceptable or "normal" sex especially when that form of sex is reprocentric, phallic dominate and typically not the ultimate form of sexual gratification for those who identify as women.

vaginal penetration

I think however, that you are dismissing the fact, that this is the kind of sex these two wanted to have. I am not saying that there isn't room to discuss various ways of having sex but I do think that it is silencing to ignore what their specific desires were.

Sex Ramp!!!!!!!!

I love the idea of a sex ramp! I hope my friends would be generous enough to build me a custom sex ramp if I needed it. Mr. Uribe is a very lucky man.

more comfortable in our skin

my husband told me once that he liked women who were a bit bigger (he has dated all sizes of women) because they weren't constantly thinking they were fat. He said skinny girls he dated always were SO concerned that they "looked fat" (when they weren't ) and that was annoying and unattractive. In his experience girls with a little more going on had a lot more going on the bedroom! Lucky me! I have a man who loves me just the way I am - WOO HOO!

What did you say? Oh, sorry...

I was busy getting off (with a very satisfied partner).

And I'm 5'5" & weigh in at 280 pounds, last time I checked. Really, we fat people shoud be way too busy fucking, eating, dancing, laughing and living to give a damn what that "writer" at MC (or any other judgemental person) has to say.

While I don't deny that there's quite a bit of infuriating discrimination that can make our corpulent lives more difficult, living well (and sexually fulfilled) is, and always will be, the best revenge.

My partner and I are both

My partner and I are both seriously "fat" people and "old" to boot. How disgusting that thought must be to some...however we are having fantastic sex...the best of our lives! It has definately provided us an opportunity to experience options outside the "norm" and WOW! It is awesome! I pity anyone who doesn't have the same fulfilment...

F***ing Fatties...

My husband and I are both fatties and we have a wonderful sex life. We have invented positions perfect for two fat people and I never wonder how we look while we are doing it. As a single girl, I was also quite sexually active with many different partners- no one particular type. I love sex, I love feeling sexy and I did not care if I was being used for sex, because I was using them right back. I remember one skinny bitch (ex-friend), told me that I was having sex with all these men to find a love that I was not getting or had not gotten from my father. Like I was not good enough to be considered for a "real" relationship. Weeeeellllllllll..... I have always had a wonderful relationship with my father. I have been in a love a couple times and have been in a couple really meaningful relationships. I have dated great men I did not sleep with, and have slept with great men who I did not see ever again. And- I am happily married to a man I have had great sex with for 4 years... and my skinny bitch (ex-friend) is still alone and single and never has sex with the lights on.

I am so sick of this being an issue. I am happy that writers like you take this issue on.

I read these often when they

I read these often when they come up on my Facebook feed, but I'm always afraid to comment because I'm skinny.
Wish I was joking.
I don't find fat offensive or anything; my favorite ex was a big, big boy and it's the best sex I've had to date. Because he was into me. Not because he was fat.
But his size certainly didn't detract from our relationship.
I just feel out of place as a non-fatty reading this. Or rather, as a non-judgemental non-fatty reading this, I guess.
I'm 5'7" and my thighs don't touch and I always feel like a lot of the comments lump people like me in with the actual haters.
Not all the skinny bitches are prejudiced! Just so you know.

Ofcourse not all skinny

Ofcourse not all skinny bitches are prejudiced! Most of my closest girlfriends are skinny and I love them all the same. The women who I was talking about was just a bitch - she would have been the same way had she been fat too. And some fat girls are mean too. I think fat, thin, skinny, curvy- we just need to be ok with ourselves and each other.

Totally down for the sex ramp

Totally down for the sex ramp too.
For sure.
You don't have to be disabled to try props!

Skinny bitches

I just want to jump in here and say that this series is about fat acceptance--not size discrimination of any kind. This includes negative comments about "skinny" people. Skinny, fat, whatever--we're not about size judgments in these threads. Same goes for calling women "bitches" in a negative way--we are reclaiming that word around here :)

Is it not ok to call a woman

Is it not ok to call a woman a bitch if it is from one bitch to another? When is it ok to use it? My girlfriends and I call each other "bitches" all of the time. And neither of us is by definition, a bitch. Should we only use it as a verb...and not a noun? I just want to make sure I have it right. (Although I am really a fan of being too "PC.")

If it's not perjorative

Personally, I can totally get behind calling other women bitches in a positive way. It can definitely be complimentary. I think that the mods are objecting to the use of bitch as an insult, in this case. Since some feminists have reclaimed the word, they don't like to see it go right back to mainstream usage.

poor girl, is "still single

poor girl, is "still single and alone"..oh, no!!!!

It's ok to be alone and

It's ok to be alone and single. But she criticized me for years about my "ways."

i understand...but, you just

i understand...but, you just basically did the same thing to her. that's all i'm saying. i'm sorry you experienced the way she treated you. its terrible! i think i'm just being sensitive cause i just got engaged and you wouldn't believe the reaction i' m getting from women. like, "finally", or "you deserve to have a man and be happy", or my personal favorite.."good things come to those who wait" i guess cause i'm (gasp) 34! all assuming i was unhappy before i had a penis to validate me or something...lol

I get it completely. My

I get it completely. My family is Jewish and there has always been pressure to marry and then pro-create. I feel like since getting married though, it is the first time I am actually taken seriously in my family. Now it is the pressure to have a child.

I think as women we are just constantly putting pressure on each other to "take the next step," whatever that step may be. Never are we just able to feel content with where we are in life. I wonder if men have that same pressure - because I sure do not see with it with my brothers. If anything, they get pressure to take their time and "enjoy" life and enjoy the many fish in the sea that they have to pick from.

Since getting married though, my relationships with my single girlfriends have changed dramatically as well. I am VERY conscious of being that annoying newly married woman who all she talks about is married life. And I NEVER pressure my friends to find that right man. I am happy for them if they are happy. But, there still is a weirdness, like they are expecting me to turn into that woman.

Congrats on getting engaged! But congrats to you too if you hadn't and were just living your life fully and happily- single or betrothed.

I'm 5'3.5" and a curvy

I'm 5'3.5" and a curvy 190-ish pounds (38G bust, hourglass shape). I've never been thin, even when I worked out fiendishly (was still a healthy 130-140 lbs.). I've been bigger (215 lbs.) and smaller than I am now, but I have always loved bigger men. I want a man that looks like he can handle a "plus-size" girl. My boyfriend now is tall (6'2" or so) and has a big, round belly that I love!

Get A Room

"But her main point remains: Fat people should not be sexual, at least not in front of anyone who isn't also fat. It's just too much for the delicate sensibilities of fat haters. I can only imagine what Ms. Kelly would have had to say about Manuel Uribe's sex ramp."

I was out in a public venue a couple of weekends ago and saw a skinny couple making out - not just a peck but actively shoving each other's tongues down one another's throats. Was there a reason they thought everyone else wanted to see that? They're not fat and yet to them I also say GET A ROOM.

I don't really care what your weight is (my ex husband is 100 lbs overweight, and I divorced him because he was a self-loathing abusive jerk, not because he was fat or unattractive), I don't really want to see you playing tonsil hockey with someone else. Weight aside, have some damn class. If I want to see people acting sexual, I'll buy porn. And chances are, you won't be in it.

That said, why does anyone need to know that Manuel Uribe uses, or needs to use, a custom-made ramp for sex? Isn't that his business? Why am I privy to that information at all? I don't even wanna know, and I sure as hell don't care.

So MY main point remains: Fat people, and everyone else, should not be sexual in front of anyone who isn't THEIR PARTNER. EVERYONE please get a room, ok?

Yes.

While I'm very happy for Manuel Uribe and his wife, and all other people of varying sizes gettin' freaky, I kind of don't want to know about it. Not because of anyone's size, but because I don't feel the need to know about anyone's sex life (and don't feel anyone needs to know about mine). I understand that these kinds of articles are important, that they show people who may fall outside of the "norm" as normal people, but I can't shake the feeling that they're also a little exploitative. "Look at this really fat guy and how he has sex like normal people do!" I'm going to remain optimistic and assume that the Uribes are totally fine with divulging this personal information to the public, but it still doesn't feel right to me that I, a total stranger, know about their sex life.

Right On!

Thank you, dear Bitch Media, for bringing a spotlight on this issue! It will ultimately help end the ridicule and discrimination against fat people in our otherwise super politically correct society.

We fat folks love sex and pleasure just as much as anyone else - or even more! And there is no shame in strutting our stuff and showing a little affection in public. Skinny folk don't have monopoly over fun.

"I'd like to digress for a

"I'd like to digress for a minute and point out the ableism inherent in ridiculing the sex ramp. Some disabled people also need to use assistive devices to be able to have sex, and if you're making fun of someone because they're not able to have sex the "normal" way, you're including some disabled folk in there too."

I am a fat person (though on the more socially acceptable end -- 5'8"/200lbs), and had not thought of myself as an ableist person, and I had never, ever thought about this connection before. I've joked with friends about the logistics of very fat sex or sex between people with very different body types, and for some reason it always just seemed vaguely bitchy, not entitled and mean. Thanks for helping me check my privilege. :D

im fat

hi. i don't know what to feel about this article.i know that it has been ages since all the femisist of this world told us that it;'s ok to be fat.and every liberals still think so.but i never felt it.it's always a reason not to be happy.i hate my honesty and i hate myself for being one and for hatinf myself.i love fat people and i belive caitalism manipulated us.and this i strongly believe. me and my husband used to have great sex.of course there will come a time that it wll sudenly decrease but i only found out that he rathar watch porn (with no fat actors) and jack off alone than do it with me.i blame it to my being fat and visually unappealing.i have always study men and women about sex and it's a fact the most of them likes slimmer beings.seeing my husband doing it with me and thinking of someone else or the last porn movie he saw (i know for i know him well enough).of course he'll never says o for it'll hurt but i know.i wish i can be like you people here.i dont think you ever experience such.but anyway love peace and happiness to us.

Partner validation

As a fat single person, it is sometimes depressing to read comment after comment of "My partner LOVES me!" and "My husband finds me hot BECAUSE I'm big." I get that it is a response to fat-phobic assumptions that fat people are unattractive and should not, could not, be having sex, but when you see it so much, here and on fat pride blogs it can start to feel a little ... exclusionary? privileged? I don't know what the right word is. But sometimes I feel like, oh, the ultimate validation for a fat person is to have a partner who finds you hot. Which, is something I want! But I haven't gotten my fat pride validating relationship yet, so Im on the outside looking in. I m not saying people shouldn't be happy and proud of their relationships, and I do like reading them, but wanted to bear witness to that part of my experience when I read this stuff.

Fat People and Sex Article

The ending message about fat women having more sex than their smaller counterpoints needs to be followed up with some research.

There are many messages out there (Unfortunately I'm getting my "information" from students walking by on campus, troll sites, and www.textsfromlastnight.com) that indicate yes, fat women might have more sex, but do they get to have lasting relationships?

Is it enabling fat women, or rather enabling the men who "f*ck and flee". I've heard that such men believe fat women to be 'desperate' for attention and also pleasure (indicated by their willingness to forfeit their fitness for food), and so more ready to succumb to advances. Might the information created by the 'studies' indicate rather this phenomenon than the article's message that fat women may well be better in bed.

However maybe lasting, healthy relationships wasn't the message of the article, but rather simply the ability to convince another human to have sex.

God, finally. Some insight

God, finally. Some insight not mangled by personal injustices.

Everyone Knows ...

It takes a BIG POLE to catch a BIG FISH.

Just gotta find a man with the right equipment.

Sex and the Fat Girl: Too Fat to F*ck? | Bitch Media

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