R-Min? More like D-Bag!
Take Michele Bachmann, who just achieved a close victory over Democratic-endorsed, adorably-named Elwyn Tinklenberg in Minnesota's Congressional election, and is the first official recipient of the Bitch blog's Douchebag Decree, our new public service informing readers of douchebaggery near and far.
For those unfamiliar with this harpy of a politician, she's pro-life, pro-creationism, and against marriage between anything that's not a man and a woman (or a church and a state). She's a total Palin prototype—lending credence to the theory these political hockey moms are factory-manufactured by the dozens in the barren plains of North Dakota and then released, one by one, to the different corners of the nation in order to destroy it.
Bachmann's name hit national press most recently this past October when she gaffed on Hardball with Chris Matthews, suggesting certain congress members (specifically implicating that uppity Barack Obama) were anti-American. For a quick recap of the blunder and hasty backtracking, here's our favorite commentator with the skinny:
Although expected to lose the election after such a polarizing faux pas (Tinklenberg's donations skyrocketed almost overnight), Bachmann unfortunately managed to pull ahead by a scant 3% lead in Tuesday's election. Seeing as Bachmann's passé McCarthyism wasn't enough to convince District 6 in Minnesota of her inherent skeeziness, we may have to dig deeper into her arsenal of douchebag-qualifying characteristics to justify her "Decree" nomination. But not too deep.
Besides supporting creationism and homeschooling, Bachmann is a veteran pro-life activist, and is featured on the Susan B. Anthony List, "a political action committee helping pro-life women gain election to Congress." Bachmann proposed a Minnesota constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage not once, but twice (it failed to get on the ballot), staging huge anti-gay protests and rallying the evangelical vote in the process. She often cites the detrimental effect gay marriage would have on children, saying in 2005:
Little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal and natural and perhaps they should try it…It will take away the civil rights of little children to be protected in their innocence, but also the rights of parents to control their kids' education and threaten their deeply held religious beliefs.
Yeah, she went there. She said civil rights.
Then there's this soundbite from 2005, when in regards to multicultural diversity, Bachmann stated, "Let's appreciate and value everyone's cultures. But guess what? Not all cultures are equal. Not all values are equal." The clip in all its racist, Eurocentric glory is here:
Bachmann, you may be a congresswoman for a painful two years, but you shall retain your douchbag status now and forever more.
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