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Bed, Bitch & Beyond: Is No Sex Still Sex Positive?

 

A brilliant and counter-intuitive comment from reader jordanb in the "Rear Ended by Porn" comment thread is the inspiration for today's post. Check it out:

Becky I'm interested to know if you've ever thought about abstinence from a sex positive feminist type of perspective. I mean, in some ways it seems like "not having sex" is an option that has been completely co-opted by the abstinence only sex ed types, and exists only as a purely moral decision. I'm struck by the absence of discussion of abstinence from a sex positive feminist perspective. But isn't it also important to reframe not having sex in sex positive terms? In strange way,though, in all of these discussions you've started (at least on Bitch) about sex, it seems like you've revealed the most taboo option in the minds of many sex positive folks is not to have sex.

This is a very thought-provoking. I can't say I ever considered writing about abstinence in this blog. When I took the gig, I told the editors at Bitch I'd write about sex and relationships. The food bloggers over at Chow don't write about fasting, so why should I write about abstinence?

Besides, I have a strong allergic reaction to the term "abstinence." The Christian Right--with its twisted "purity balls" and opposition to even the most basic information about human sexuality--have too thoroughly co-opted the term "abstinence" for feminists to regard it with anything but scorn. Now that "abstinence" is synonymous with an utterly ignorant "sex ed" movement and Jesus-sanctioned slut-shaming...well, I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets hives at the mere mention of the word.

So I'm going to avoid the A-word altogether, and call it "conscious celibacy", i.e. a woman's informed decision not to have sex, for whatever reason.

Jordanb's comment made me I realize that I was being narrow-minded by assuming that a sex blog should only be about women having hot, liberated sex. Choosing not to have sex is as important to a woman's sexual health and well-being as having it. So yes, there should definitely be room for discussion of conscious celibacy in a sex-positive feminist forum. And as feminists, if we believe that women shouldn't be judged for having a lot of sex, we also should refrain from judging those who have none; no slut-shaming, but no prude-shaming either. Both "slut" and "prude", of course, are terms that represent the Patriarchial Catch-22: women are condemned both for being sexual and for not being sexual enough. Our culture so hypersexualizes everything that I think women often feel that they need to be proclaiming "Sex! Hell Yeah!" as often as possible to show how liberated and sex-positive they are.

So what about our sisters who aren't having sex?

When I asked readers to chime in about concious celibacy, I got an e-mail from a reader who said:

"I choose to honor my spirit and my integrity by making the choice to only engage in sex within the context of my religious beliefs. If that offends people, I don't care. I get criticized by the men of my faith for not wanting to marry (which is really because they think all women should be sexually available TO THEM), and I get criticized by other feminists because they think I'm brainwashed by religion. It's a no-win situation, but I'm not trying to win. I'm just making the decision that's right for me."

Whether you agree with her religious ideals--she didn't tell me which religion she belongs to--I admire the fact that she's resisting pressure from both sides of the issue, which ain't easy.

Another reader said:

"It's not that I'm opposed to having sex. I'm just opposed to having sex for sex's sake. I think you can choose not to have sex and still be a sex-positive feminist."

This struck me as the best possible argument: HIGH STANDARDS, I HAZ THEM. Bad sex is not better than no sex (bad sex, IMO, is sex that makes you feel icky or used or sad or that is physically un-pleasurable.) There's nothing wrong with saying "no thanks" if you feel like it, or not seeking out sex at all. Doing so doesn't make you any less sexual or sensual as a human being.

I was a celibate sex-positive person for the first 18 years of my life. I grew up in an extremely open-minded home, where my mother answered my questions about sex clearly and honestly. I was never shamed for expressing sexual curiosity or interest. And even though I wasn't having sex (well, with others), I was always deeply, decidedly sexual, from a very early age. In fact, in my teen years I devoted far more time to thinking, reading and talking about sex than many of my friends who were having it--they actually thought I was something of a perv. In reality, I was just fascinated by the sensual and the erotic, and dying to know as much as possible before I actually started experiencing it first-hand. My curiosity made me a voracious consumer of erotica, from romance novels to Anais Nin to purloined copies of Penthouse Forum. This was in the days before DVD and internet porn, or I'm sure I would have been all over that as well.

So why wasn't I having sex? There was no shortage of boys who would have been willing to give it a go, but despite my interest in all things sexual, I just wasn't tempted by them. I knew from endless discussions with my friends who had already done it that if I did wind up in bed with any high school Romeos, I'd likely wind up doing something physically and emotionally awkward that wouldn't provide anywhere near the sexual satisfaction that I could get from masturbating. I had spent a lot of time learning about my body and what turned me on, so I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted from a man. I was willing to wait until I could have that, and have it on my terms.

When I was 19, I had sex for the first time with a guy I was crazy about, and I loved it. And then about a year after I moved to New York, my college boyfriend, who I'd still been dating long-distance, broke up with me. All of the sudden I was 21 years old and living in New York and didn't have the first clue how to go about dating in the metropolis. So I fell back on the habits that had served me so well in my youth--sex with myself until I figured out how to find a worthwhile guy. About 18 months of celibacy followed. I didn't regret them a bit--it was a good, comfortable, useful break that helped me prepare myself for the frenetic and adventurous years of dating and sex that followed.

So while I'm a cheerleader for happy, orgasmic, fulfilling sex, I don't necessarily believe that the best kind of sex is MORE sex. It can be occasional sex. It can be sex with one partner, or with many. It can be sex only with yourself. A healthy sex life has room for all kinds of scenarios, including celibacy.

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Comments

28 comments have been made. Post a comment.

No sex but still sexual

I think another huge part this is missing from all the discussion of abstinence is the fact that you can be sexual without having sex. This is something that isn't talked about in the relgious right's discussion of abstinence because they think everything sexual is dirty, and it's missing from the other end of the spectrum because we assume that women who are sexual have to be having sex.

There is a whole range of things you can do that have much lower risks of STI's (because almost nothing is 100% absolute) and no risk of pregnancy and can allow you to express yourself sexually with someone else without the possible consequences of sex. We skip over this whole phase of the relationship once we started having sex, and frankly, that sucks.

I decided for a while to stop having penetrative sex, and discussed it with my gay male roommate, who had an HIV positive partner. We talked about how much fun our "no sex" sex lives were. We had to be so much more creative, and we ended our nights sweaty, exhausted and satisfied. Where are these nights in those STI prevention talks and those wait until marriage lectures?

It's a shame that for some reason we see no middle ground. You're either sexual or you're not. But I feel like that's rarely the case.

Agreed

I waited till I was in college till I had sex, but that doesn't mean I didn't have fun in high school. In fact, I miss those days when I was wasn't having sex and I got to have all that fun. Now, it seems that it just goes to the sex with very little of the other fun. I like the sex and I often get to it as quick as my partner because I have no patience, but I miss those nights when a guy and I would just spend the whole night exploring each other.

Ditto

I heard something on a TV show at some point in the past few years--I think it might have been "Friday Night Lights," but am not certain--when a mother tells her teenage daughter that just because she has sex with one guy, she doesn't have to have sex with every guy she dates after him. That's a sentiment that I really appreciate, but I think it's completely overlooked in American society today. Books, movies, TV--they almost all communicate the idea that once a girl loses her virginity, she "has" to have sex with every subsequent boyfriend as a matter of course.

I have absolutely no religious convictions that influence whether or not I have sex, but I've been consciously celibate for six years. I was 18 when I had sex with my first real boyfriend, after several months of talking about it and waiting for the right moment to happen. We dated for another two years, and enjoyed an intense sexual relationship that satisfied me (and him, I think). After we broke up, I didn't date anyone for a long time, and even when I did, I never felt like I really wanted to have sex with any of them. I knew that those relationships weren't going anywhere, and having sex with any of the guys (with the possibilities of STIs and pregnancy) seemed . . . almost silly. I didn't want to sleep with any of them, and wasn't going to just because they expected it.

So, I've chosen conscious celibacy. Who knows how long it will last, but in the meantime I take care of myself and wait for the right moment to happen with another guy. As BeckySharper says above, "Bad sex is not better than no sex." I wholeheartedly agree.

not much sex here

I lost my virginity at 21 to a man I loved and cared deeply about. I am now married to the second person I've ever been with. I wanted to wait, partly because I was scared. Everyone else my age knew what they were doing. I barely knew how to give head at age 20. I enjoy sex thoroughly, though there aren't many positions we can do ('size' issues) without it hurting. At the moment, I deny a lot of sex requests from my husband for a lot of reasons, not all of them conscious. I know my hubby doesn't like larger girls and I feel self-conscious about gaining 22 pounds (I'm 117) and don't really want him to see me naked. Also, I want to be romanced more, to be shown that he loves me. Constantly groping and dry-humping like a teenager is not exactly a turn-on. And I've learned that once you have sex, say goodbye to make-out sessions. They won't happen anymore. Sometimes, a quick fix with the vibratey toy is all I need. I won't fake it just for him to get off. I know he wants more sex, but I want more romance. Not that I'm withholding or anything; I just don't have much that brings us together. I want intimacy without sex once in awhile.

I'm sorry, that doesn't

I'm sorry, that doesn't sound like much fun at all. What's good is that it sounds like you're honest with yourself and you know what you want and what you're not getting. Can you share that with your husband? Sometimes those conversations are hard to work through, but you can take them a little at a time to start off with.

As for the "size issues", I have SO been there. Contrary to popular opinion, bigger is not always better. It requires more warm-up time and patient experimentation to find positions that work. And if you're not feeling relaxed and loved and confident, those things become that much harder. Also: LUBE. Buy an industrial-size bottle and don't be shy about using it.

Becky Sharper www.harpyness.com

Becky Sharper www.harpyness.com

Empowerment means that the

Empowerment means that the decision is yours. I also waited until college (21!), and I felt much more pressured to become sexually active at a younger age than to wait until marriage. People asked for my consent, and I exercised my right to refuse it. Personally, I wasn't waiting for love or marriage, but for mature, trustworthy partners. For good sex. Now I have that, and I'm having a shit ton of fun. In my feminist utopia, young women (and men) will feel comfortable waiting or partaking, at any age, based on their own needs and circumstances. If consent is an integral part of sex positivity, than so is abstinence and celibacy.

Virginity/Opting Out/What IS sex?

Other commenters are referring to other ways to be sexual -- by which I assume they mean "foreplay." Personally, I think these other ways are included under the umbrella of "sex," because what makes penis/vagina so special?? If you're trying to pleasure one another, I say that's sex. Of course, this complicates the already ambiguous idea of virginity. (Is it the hymen? No, that can break other ways, not break at all or not even be there. First penetration? No, that leaves out a good amount of queer women, for one. First orgasm? No...)
As for the question of abstinence, I do agree that it's good for a woman to wait until she is absolutely comfortable, with all circumstances, before being sexual -- but otherwise? I can imagine a few situations where a feminist would be empowered through abstinence: if she is asexual or if the situation is temporary (ie. waiting to find another worthwhile partner or abstaining for a certain amount of time for emotional reasons; less abstinence than inactivity.) Permanent abstinence in the face of desire doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, because even if the woman is staying sated and knowledgeable about herself sexually through masturbation...WHY is she determined not to be sexual with others? Insecurity, shame, a buy-in to the belief that her "virginity" determines her worth? None of those sound healthy to me.

My virginity absolutely does

My virginity absolutely does not determine my self-worth, but what does is the ability to choose for myself. Not because of shame, a buy-in to the belief that my virginity determines my worth, or anything else like that. For me, I've chosen a faith that is extremely personal and beautiful to me, and inter-marital sex only happens to be a part of it. I totally understand that the terms "sex" and "virginity" are a bit ambiguous, but it's sad that you would label every woman who is choosing celibacy despite desire as unhealthy. Would you label the person who is a recovering alcoholic and abstaining from alcohol despite desire as "unhealthy" just because they weren't giving in to what they believe to be detrimental to themselves? Not everything you want is good for you, and as the author said "any sex is not better than no sex." Check the judgement at the door and try standing up for womens' choices no matter their reason.
~tabitha~

Thank you! Someone

Thank you! Someone acknowledged asexuality. I am asexual and I do not believe that asexuality is abstinence, because (generally speaking) abstinence is refraining from indulging one's desire for sex - and if one doesn't have that desire in the first place...I just don't see it as the same thing and I don't like unnecessarily equating the two A-words when the "abstinence" one comes loaded with negative connotations.

There can be any number of

There can be any number of reasons why someone who is sated and knowledgeable about herself, as you put it, might choose not to be sexual with others. And I agree a lot hinges on how you define 'being sexual'. I have definitely experimented with people and enjoyed it but my most mind-blowing, earth-shattering orgasms have been when I was all alone, or having phone sex. And sometimes the fantasy of being all alone in a public place and free to masturbate is a turn-on for me, in the same way that imagining yourself with someone you're attracted to can be.
And then there are people who are very sexual but into objects, or have specific fetishes. It's definitely complicated. But I think the whole point is that, whether it 'sounds healthy' to you or me, or it doesn't, shouldn't matter to anyone's decisions about their own sex lives. That's more my understanding of sex positivity -- celebrating what gets people off, without judgement.

"I have definitely

"I have definitely experimented with people and enjoyed it but my most mind-blowing, earth-shattering orgasms have been when I was all alone, or having phone sex. And sometimes the fantasy of being all alone in a public place and free to masturbate is a turn-on for me, in the same way that imagining yourself with someone you're attracted to can be."

I'm sick of people like this woman who think everyone wants to know their sexual proclivities. When men do it, you call it sexual harassment, but if it is a sex-pozzie it's "empowering" to blab about your masturbation techniques even if you make others uncomfortable. Pot meet kettle. Don't bitch about men being sexually obnoxious on the internet, when you are being sexually obnoxious yourself by putting your need to describe your favorite kind of masturbation in a comment on a non-porn/sex site. I think sex-positive feminist are more sexually harassing than men these days, seriously.

"I have definitely

"I have definitely experimented with people and enjoyed it but my most mind-blowing, earth-shattering orgasms have been when I was all alone, or having phone sex. And sometimes the fantasy of being all alone in a public place and free to masturbate is a turn-on for me, in the same way that imagining yourself with someone you're attracted to can be."

I'm sick of people like this woman who think everyone wants to know their sexual proclivities. When men do it, you call it sexual harassment, but if it is a sex-pozzie it's "empowering" to blab about your masturbation techniques even if you make others uncomfortable. Pot meet kettle. Don't bitch about men being sexually obnoxious on the internet, when you are being sexually obnoxious yourself by putting your need to describe your favorite kind of masturbation in a comment on a non-porn/sex site. I think sex-positive feminist are more sexually harassing than men these days, seriously.

Bullshit. It is not

Bullshit. It is not 'obnoxious' to talk in a mature, reasonable manner about sexual experiences.

And no, I don't mind if men do it, either.

Sexually Celibate

First, thank you so much for writing this article. I'm a 20-yr-old virgin, but a *very* sexual person, and that's not something that is discussed enough. From a very young age my mom and I had a very open relationship, particularly about sex, and I, too, grew up exploring my body, and not being shy to ask questions (plus they were always answered honestly and in as many details as I asked for). Throughout middle and high school, and even in college, I never understood my fellow-celibate lady friends who seemed to just have no interest in sex whatsoever (and I'm sure they thought I was some kind of pervert for talking and thinking about it sooo much). I once was discussing sex with my friend who's a little in the dark about the lusty things of the flesh ;) and when I told one of my married friends what we were talking about, she responded with,"How do two virgins talk about sex?" Um...pretty easily, actually. Though I'm not interested in getting married, sex with someone else is going to wait for when and if that happens, and in the meantime I can satisfy myself in a much better way than many guys could. Plus, if I decide to give the marriage thing a go, by that time I'll be so experienced with myself, I'll have no problem directing my guy to where I want him. The other thing is the assumption that someone who's celibate isn't so by choice "those who have none"...I think a better term would be "those who CHOOSE none." Great article, thanks again, and high fives to all the other consciously celibate, strong feminists out there!
~tabitha~

Thank you!

I read Bitch on Google Reader and don't usually comment, but I am so grateful that you posted this now. I have been thinking about this idea in my own life recently - I started having sex at 16, and I'm almost 20 now. My boyfriend is a pretty good guy, but recently I've experienced some difficulties with having sex that I realized are related to insecurities I never worked through when I first lost my virginity. It feels weird, in the sex-positive, feminist culture I am surrounded by, to say "I don't want sex right now," but I can't help that I don't. All I want is to sleep next to him and not think about it. Obviously I need to work through those so I can enjoy sex again eventually, but for now this article has helped me to articulate my thoughts so that I feel more secure in the choice to take a break. And if he doesn't support that - oh well!

Excellent Post!

This is a great post. As someone who has always considered herself a sensual, sexual individual, who waited until I was 21 to have sex, I think speaking about our choices to have or not have sex in a sex-positive feminist framework is not only wonderful but necessary. My choosing not to have sex came with a number of reasons, but the primary place from which is came was a sense of agency of my own sensuality. I love sex, and I love being open about sex choices, but at the time that I was celibate, I was happy knowing that I could exercise waiting for what I wanted or what would satisfy me, rather than doing it just to do it or because so many others were. I'd rather wait for satisfaction than get mediocrity.

I think the difference between talking about abstinence without true sex knowledge and talking about conscious celibacy is informed choices and the awareness that sexual desires and knowing what one wants can result in conscious celibacy at times, where as abstinence only "education" doesn't address the beauty of sexual desire within that context.

thank you thank you thank you!

For saying this: Choosing not to have sex is as important to a woman's sexual health and well-being as having it

I wish I could send it as a memo to every man and woman in the world.

Great post!

Thanks for such a great and thoughtful post! I waited till I was 18 to have sex. From the time I was 15, I was bothered and called a prude for not wanting it. I wasn't totally void of sexual experience though, like most people, I masturbate as well. So having my friends think I was a prude really got to me. I wish they could have read this post back then!
I also was constantly told "Just have sex with him already", coming from my best friend. That really annoyed me because the reasons that I was choosing not to have sex with my boyfriend of 2 years was because I didn't desire to be on the pill. Also, I wasn't at a point in my life where I could handle risking unplanned pregnancy. So, I figured I would just stick to other activities like mutual masturbation etc. (Which I regard as legitimate sex, I simply refer to intercourse as sex because "intercourse" sounds awkward), because it doesn't pose a pregnancy risk.
Now, I enjoy satisfying sex, and I feel good because it's always on my own terms. I've heard too many first-time intercourse stories where the woman doesn't seem to really desire sex, but did it out of a feeling of obligation. As if they owed it to their boyfriends/partners. I feel that putting sex off gave me the confidence to speak up about what I really desire and gave me time to discover myself.

integrity

The only thing that I wonder about being sex positive and not having sex is when they describe it as honoring their integrity-like here, or "respecting their body" That to me doesn't seem sex positive. Saying that sex right now isn't something that I'm willing to do? can be very positive-I agree, bad sex is worse than no partner sex. but why is that honoring your integrity more? it sort of seem like-well, all of you that do choose to have sex right now don't have integrity. I think we need to be very careful how morally superior-and yes, all of those terms have connotations of moral superiority to me-we make our choices sound if we're saying that we respect both the choice to have sex and to not.

It seems to me that the

It seems to me that the majority of sex-positive-but-abstinent people who talk about staying true to themselves, or respecting their body, are careful to point out that they are "staying true to themselves" in the sense that they have actively chosen not to have sex, and are being successful in not having sex. Thus, they are being successful in keeping to their choice for their body. At the same time, they do not project that choice onto other people. For me, I guess i would word it as, I have chosen (for now) to be abstinent, but it would be ridiculously arrogant to expect everyone else to hold to my personal standards (note that I did NOT say "live up to").

Sex positivity is, IMHO, about respecting individuals' autonomy over their own bodies, whether that means choosing to have sex or choosing not to.

The right to choose includes the right to say no

Back in the heyday of hookup culture (we called it "sleeping around," and antibiotics cured all known STIs back then) I realized one of the reasons I was trying so hard to have sex was that afterwards I could sleep with the person. I took a year off from having sex and just sleep-slept with women. It was great for me because when I started having sex again I was no longer confused about whether I was horny or just lonely.

"I can't say I ever considered writing about abstinence in this blog. When I took the gig, I told the editors at Bitch I'd write about sex and relationships. The food bloggers over at Chow don't write about fasting, so why should I write about abstinence?"

I'm a sex blogger and I write about abstinence a lot. My metaphor isn't food writers talking about fasting (even though food and sex are great metaphors for each other.) Instead I think about music where the silent spaces between notes are as significant as the notes themselves.

Another thing: some people really ding me for it but another big epiphany for me was realizing that without Andrea Dworkin's, um, intense activism around "no means no" it really was hard to tell the difference between hetero intercourse and rape. Because without a right to say no the right to say yes (i.e. hot liberated sex) is meaningless. I think it's significant that since she and others established that no means no it's created a lot of room for a meaningful yes. So even when its not exercised the right to be abstinent makes it more, well, liberating to be wild.

Finally, abstinence is pretty important for people who don't get horny. And a lot of people (up to 15% of women and men) don't get horny. Failing to acknowledge asexuality has two consequences. First, it can make them pretty miserable when they're just doing it because they feel direct pressure or peer pressure. Second, though, is that if they can't be out about it they're sometimes drawn to hiding behind, oh, say, abstinence only programs as a way to be closeted about it. Which can have some pretty drastic repercussions for those of us who aren't asexual!

Cool post, Becky!

figleaf

Becky, great post! I'm very

Becky, great post! I'm very sex-positive. I'm a 22 year old "virgin" (I've had oral sex...) and I feel lots of pressure for being "such a prude." I've just never found a guy that I would feel physically comfortable with; that I could trust that much. I scratch my own itch all the time, so I'm not sexually frustrated over here. It's just that it has never felt right to p-in-the-v, you know? You do know. Thanks.

My parents gave me the most

My parents gave me the most effective sex talk ever, when I was about 14. They told me that they believed sex should be reserved for two people who are in a loving, committed relationship, and that they hoped I would wait until I was old enough to know what I was getting into.
Instead of saying, "DON'T HAVE SEX!!!" they told me, "If you make the decision to have sex, for heaven's sake, come to us--we won't judge, but we will get you on the Pill, and get you some condoms."
This conversation was effective in keeping me a virgin for a long time and I'm still convinced that I'm sex positive and happy!

Yes, one can be feminist and

Yes, one can be feminist and celibate. In fact, one CANNOT be feminist without total and absolute celibacy.

Sex is inherently demeaning to human dignity. Sexual intercourse requires two or more people to use each other as masturbation accessories, using them as objects. In addition, penetrative intercourse is especially bad because it acts as an invasion of the female [or male] body. Sexual thoughts inherently treat other people as objects. It is impossible to be sexually attracted to someone while still viewing them as a person. Lastly, masturbation is morally unacceptable because it requires sexual thoughts. Romantic love is also morally problematic, as it's just a drug addiction to certain neurotransmitters in the brain. Being in love means that you don't respect your own mind. It's just like shooting up heroin.

Thus, no one should ever have sex, and no one should ever masturbate. Also, every stray sexual thought that enters one's head should be immediately shut out and ignored. No one should fall in love either, because love is an oxytocin, prolactin, and dopamine-induced drug addiction.

So what should be done? Well, if at all possible, people should volunteer to be chemically and/or physically fixed so that they no longer experience anything sexual at all. Anyone here who disagrees is not a real feminist. You're just too attached to your addictions. You don't want to accept that you have a problem.

So in conclusion, yay celibacy!

Group-Think and Peer Pressure

What makes me laugh is that you, the blogger, and other people who commented on this blog post behave as though what you think and say is the commandment of human behavior! What you think and say, I shall believe and do! LMAO! In reality, no one is going to hand you a list of laws stating, "at this age you shall have sex, at this age you should have sex with these many men, you should want sex, you should have sex, if you don't have sex this will happen to you, you must have these many children, etc." It's insane! If I don't want to have sex at all - who the HELL is going to force me? Ah yes, people like you who will use peer pressure and reverse psychology to make me do something that I don't want to do. Just like people who use peer pressure and psychology to make people drink alcohol when they don't want to! It happens all the time! So, I'm curious, what do you think of people who never ever drink alcohol? NO wine, beer, or liquor? Or who never smoke a cigarette? Or do drugs? Prude maybe? Non-feminist? Feminism is just another group-think culture that sets a list of rules for women to live by and enforces those rules by peer pressure. I never had sex and quite frankly, I don't want to! I don't give a damn if sex is natural or not! I am not going to have it and who will force me to do it? Get real and get a life!

Tabitha, wherever you are -

Tabitha, wherever you are - you are awesome! Bitch media makes money (ad clicks) on the backs of rape survivors, so I imagine it's the guilt that makes them focus so much on sex - otherwise the people reading this crap might realize they are just using women and their personal issues to make money on the internet. Modern feminists ARE the newest exploiters of women.

Bitch media - where "rape stories" always gets the most clicks! Keep getting your click monies for the boss ladies! Because even though you are primarily making money off the popularity of rape and sexual topics on the internet - as evidence by your most popular blog posts - you can pretend you are doing it cause your CARE. Yeah, right.

Love ya! NOT.

Now That is Freedom

People forget that sexual freedom is actually choosing what you want to do or not to do.

Choosing When, If and How You Have Sex is a Feminist Concept

Sex is always defined within the confines of male domination, which is prevalent in porn. In other words, sex is doing what is expected of you. This includes forcing women to not have sex or forcing women to have sex or forcing women to have a type of sex they do not like.
The question is what constitutes sexuality and specifically female sexuality?
Men have no problem understanding male sexuality, because very early in life they pleasure themselves and know what an orgasm feels like. They then go about recreating this experience with other people. They are not going to have sex if they know that potentially they will not get off.
Some women follow the same principle and see sexuality as being an opportunity to have an orgasm, so if they consciously or unconsciously know that a sexual encounter will probably not lead to an orgasm, they choose to say "I do not want to have sex with that person nor do I feel an obligation to have sex with any person" or "I am free to masturbate to satisfy my own sexual desires" or "I will masturbate to satisfy my sexual desires until I find person(s) I sexually desire and wish to explore sex with" and "I am free to not screw someone unless there is something in it for me." This is a revolutionary concept for many women.
Furthermore, to exclude good masturbation and all the various techniques in a sex article is actually being sexually ignorant of the broad spectrum of sexuality. You do not need another person to be sexual. Sex with another person can be great or can not be great. You can be the most "sexually experienced" person with countless lovers and have had very few orgasms if any at all. What is the sexual point of that?
A truly feminist article would address female sexuality honestly. What is good or hot sex with another person? What is mediocre or lousy sex? And when is sex just sex - or when is a woman just a human spittoon?
Even more subversive is addressing female sexuality within a relationship. There is always the cultural expectation that when you are in a relationship, you are obligated to have sex even if you do not want to in order to please your partner.