Image Map

"How Well do you know Women??" I took the quiz to find out.

confusedwoman.jpg

Quizzes abound on Facebook, but one in particular caught my eye as I spied on my friends' status updates this morning. It asks, "How Well do you know Women??" (rest assured that the capitalization errors are theirs, not mine).

Anyway, although this quiz claims to be "For Men Only!!" it has made me curious. How well DO I know women? What if it turns out that I don't know them at all, and that my work on this blog is just a sham being carried out by someone who is completely out of touch with the ladies? In the interest of full disclosure (because my knowledge of women also affects you, the readers of this blog) I am going to blog while I take the the quiz, and then tell you my results at the end. Ready?

WARNING: My feminine intuitions tell me that the following quiz most likely contains gross generalizations, essentialism, and grammatical errors. Not for the faint of heart!

Here we go!

Question 1
According to you, when does a Woman really feel like a Woman...
- When she gets married.
- When she hits puberty.
- When she looks into the mirror.
- When she gives birth.
- When she falls deeply in love.

Hmmm... Well, I already feel as if I don't know women all that well, because in my mind not only does every woman have different experiences, but many women never get married, have children, give birth, or fall in love. I guess most of them look into mirrors, but men do that too. Shoot. I am going with the puberty answer, mostly out of a lack of a better option.

Question 2
- According to you, a Women feels Happiest when...
- Her Partner compliments her.
- Her Partner supports her decision.
- Her Friends / Partner throw her a party.
- When her Partner says he loves her.
- When she has the time of her life between the bedsheets.

Whoa, who knew that a woman needed a partner to feel her happiest? I am learning so much from taking this quiz! However, I myself love a good party, so I am going with the friends/partner throw her a party option (although the "bedsheets" one is also tempting...)

Question 3
In a desparate situation where only one of these can be carried in her handbag, she will choose the following...
- Cash.
- Comb.
- Lipstick / Makeup.
- Small Mirror.
- Perfume / Deodarant.

What kind of a "desparate" situation are we dealing with here? What scenario could be so terrifying that a woman would only be allowed one precious cosmetic item in her handbag?!? I shudder to think about it. At any rate, I'm going with the cash. You could buy the other items with it and fill your whole handbag! Sigh of relief.

Question 4
According to you, what is the first thing women look for in a man?
- Stability.
- Sense of humor.
- How Caring they are.
- Skill in Bed.
- Looks.

Again I am confused, because I didn't realize that a women always looked for men. Learning! Now, I have heard that women are pretty emotional and sensitive, so I am going to chose that women look for "How Caring they are" when it comes to dudes. After all, if he's caring, he can help you get that stuff back in your handbag!

Question 5
How Early or how late in a relationship does a woman start trusting a guy?
- Right from the Begining.
- When he proposes.
- When he becomes a Best Friend.
- When he says I love you for the first time.
- When he meets her parents.

I'm kind of confused by this one, but I am going to go with my gut. I usually trust anyone who says "I love you," even those talking Elmo dolls that say it. I'm going with the romance, people!

Question 6
Most women are happiest in this age group...
- 10 to 20
- Post Menopause
- 40 to 50
- 30 to 40
- 20 to 30

Yikes, another tough one. However, I saw a Jack in the Box commercial last week that showed a post-menopausal woman who was having a great time curing her hot flashes with smoothies. I like smoothies, so that seems like a pretty good option to me. Post-menopause, here I come!

Question 7
The One Trait, women most envy in a man is....
- Their Status in Society.
- Their privates.
- Their Strength.
- Their Deep Intoxicating voices.
- The way they're Built.

Whoa! I am pretty envious of all of those traits, to be honest. I want a man's privates AND his societal status! However, I have spent some time lately reading stuff for the latest Bitch podcast, so I think a "Deep Intoxicating voice" would come in handy in that situation. Yeah, that's the trait I want.

Question 8
For a Typical Romantic night out with her guy, a girl would most like...
- Candle light dinner at an expensive restaurant.
- Dinner outside and a walk along the river.
- A live Concert.
- A home Cooked dinner by her man and a home movie.
- Monday night Football.

Well, I usually think home movies are pretty boring (who wants to see some toddler blowing out a bunch of candles?) and it rains a lot in Portland so I can't necessarily say that I want to eat outside. Oh, and I know that women can't like football, and they rarely like live music because it's loud and women have delicate sensibilities. I am going to choose the expensive restaurant one. I hope they serve cosmos! (Women like those, don't they?)

Question 9
In Bed, the most important thing a woman wants is....
- Long Foreplay.
- Good Technique.
- Closeness from her partner.
- A BIg, Hard Ding Dong!
- Lots of Kissing and Caressing.

Well, I have to admit that social norms and media portrayals tell me that a woman probably wants long foreplay or lots of kissing. However, I really want to reward whoever wrote this quiz for the exclamation point on "A BIg, Hard Ding Dong!" so I am choosing that.

Question 10
According to you, Women are most worried about....
- The way they present themselves.
- The way they Look.
- Their Weight.
- If they can pass off as an intellegent individual.
- If they can satisfy their partners.

This is a tough one. I know women are obsessed with their weight and appearance, but I also know that women are kind of tricky and I think they might want to try to "pass off as" intelligent people. Still, it seems like the bottom line here is that women like being in relationships with men (who have "A BIg, Hard Ding Dong!" ) so I am going with the satisfaction.

Question 11
According to you, the one thing most women can't do without is...
- Gossip.
- Make up Kit.
- Diamonds and other Jewelry.
- Good Clothes and Shoes.
- Constant Attention.

Remember that handbag question that almost had me stumped? Well, not anymore. I know that women need make up! (Although I think they also like jewelry and constant attention.)

Question 12
If a group of Married women got together, what would they most talk about....
- The latest gossip about someone they know.
- Their Husbands and how bad they are.
- Their Intimate Love lives.
- Work Pressures.
- The latest in fashion.

Well, the women in question are "Married," so that means they don't talk about sex (because I know married people never do it). They probably don't have jobs, either, because they already did their job and got married. I think they probably talk about their husbands mostly, and how bad they are. Bad husbands!

Question 13
If a Woman really likes you, she will....
- Try and Look her pretiest and hope you notice her...
- Ask a common friend for an introduction, and take it from there...
- Send you suttle glances and smiles to let you know she likes you...
- Try to accidently bump into you to start a conversation....
- Approach you directly and let you know.

I am constantly surprised at how similar all women are! I think if a woman likes someone she will "Try and Look her pretiest" and hope for the best. Good thing she's got that make up kit! (It will help with the "suttle glances.")

Question 14
Women Prefer to get married to men who are...
- Strong, Stable, and are good Providers.
- Responsible, Stable and Caring.
- Tall, Dark and Handsome.
- Loving, Caring and Homely.
- Strong, Healthy and Athletic.

Aren't these questions getting a little repetitive? Oh well, I think women want good providers, so that they don't have to work and they can spend all of their time gossiping with their married gal pals about their bad husbands.

Question 15
On a first date, you must never....
- Talk about your Ex-Girlfriend.
- Talk about your medical history.
- Tell her how much you Love her.
- Oogle at other women.
- Take her to a place she hates.

To be fair, a lot of those would be bad first-date behaviors. However, if a man had an interesting medical history (conjoined twin, third arm, etc.) I might want to hear about it. Also, we've established that women like love talk, so that one's out as well. I think I am going to play it safe and choose the final option, since no one likes going somewhere they hate -- not even women.

Ooh! That was the last question! Now I am going to click on the "Continue to Results" button. How do you think I did? Do I know women?!? The suspense is killing me! This is worse than only having one thing in my handbag!!!

Waiting for the page to load... Loading...

OH NO! I got a "POOR: 25%" rating!

Here is what they said:

Well Lets face it... you don't know women well at all! Either you're Ignorant or you just don't care a Damn!! why should you know a woman? it's the woman who should know you right!!?? Hell Yeah!!

OK, I feel better. Why SHOULD I care? WOMEN should get to know ME! Are you listening, WOMEN?!?

The only drawback here is, they won't let me go back and see what the right answers would have been. Does anyone else want to try and learn from my mistakes? Take the quiz and tell us your score!

Guess what? Subscriptions to Bitch—our award-winning, 80+ page print quarterly—are 20% off to help us reach our $25,000 funding goal by September 30. Pitch in to support feminist media: Subscribe today

Subscribe to Bitch


Comments

30 comments have been made. Post a comment.

Yeah dudes, who cares a damn!

What 16 year old created this crap? Don't you think EVERYONE probably gets a 25% because women are SO HARD to figure out? Sheesh!

eek I got 100%!!!!! What can

eek I got 100%!!!!! What can I say...I'm down with the stereotypes...or at least am not surprised by them. People are stupid.

...although to be fair I really do only feel fullfilled when my partner is lavishing attention and compliments on me. Otherwise I'm despondent and depressed.

um... i wish you hadn't posted this so i didn't spend time :)

lol

worst use of time ever... well, not worst, but right up there. you billed it appropriately - fairly horrible. i found that if you used common logic (what's the one thing in your purse you'd rather have? cash - you can buy the rest), a healthy dose of story lines from romantic comedies (best friend answer), etc you can navigate this quiz and know women perfectly!

i somehow managed a 100% by choosing b/w worse and worst answers...

1. birth
2. supports decision
3. cash
4. humor
5. best friend
6. 20-30
7. status
8. dinner and walk along river
9. good technique
10. way they present themselves
11. attention
12. work pressures
13. approach you directly
14. loving, caring, etc
15. tell her you love her

i got 100% with different answers!

They switched up the orders of the questions and answers, but here are mine:
1) when she looks in the mirror
2) when partner supports decision
3) cash
4) sense of humor
5) when he proposes
6) 20 - 30 (apparently we love not earning much money and being stressed out all the time and/or in grad school)
7) status in society
8) "A home Cooked dinner by her man and a home movie."
9) long foreplay
10) the way they present themselves
11) Constant Attention.
12) "The latest gossip about someone they know." (I am not married, so I guessed using Mad Men as my guide!)
13) "Try and Look her pretiest and hope you notice her..."
14) Responsible, Stable and Caring
15) "Oogle at other women." (this would detract from the "constant attention," you see, and of course women will tolerate going to places they hate as long as they are with someone who is responsible, stable, caring, and has a good sense of humor! Besides, she tried to look her pretiest so you would notice only her.)

Also the quiz cannot believe this happened and thinks I cheated because women are "most difficult topic on earth."

I know some women

I managed to get a 100% also, however, I answered at least 7 questions differently that directly above me. Whomever put this together, surely hasn't gotten any action as their mathmatical calculations to this crazy formual have absolutely no consistancy. I'm very confused by it which leaves me very comfortable.

Yep. Similar stuff on my

Yep. Similar stuff on my end: totally different answers and still 100%. This math is not pure math apparently. I think I answered:
when she hits puberty -- her partner supports her decision -- cash -- how caring they are -- when he becomes a best friend -- 30 to 40 -- home cooked dinner and movie -- closeness from her partner -- the way they present themselves -- gossip -- work pressures -- approach you directly -- strong, stable, good providers -- never take her to a place she hates.
I tried thinking like my partner and answering as "him". Apparently he knows women... :-)

Suttle Sexism

Mind blown. There have been a lot of really stupid/offensive facebook quizzes lately, but this one takes the cake. I wish I knew what the right answers were! Know thyself, as they say.

How well do you know men?

This quiz is on there somewhere and I scored horribly low. I thought I understood dudes pretty well. Even another quiz I took like this elsewhere on the internet said I was a dude mind-reader! Other quizzes I took said I'd get married at 20. I'm 23, got married last year. It also says I will be 6'11" and yes, it asks the gender. I'm 5'3"ish. My hubby is 6'3". Maybe our children will be 6'11"?! Oh god, Amazons!

No, YOU'VE got to be kidding ME!!!

Here is my score: 100%
The quiz makers say:
"You've Got to be Kidding Me!! Either you're an expert on the field of Women, or you've cheated!! Or else, you might just be a women who has taken the quiz to see if it's really authentic! Whatever it is, Congratulations.... You're an Expert on the most difficult topic on earth.... Women!!"

I am very disappointed with my results...I figured that I would fail because my feminist ideals would bar me from correctly analyzing the quiz's insulting, sexist, stereotypical questions. Now I have to partake in some serious introspection.... Damn!

I would also like to add that the quiz is enforcing the myth that women are mysterious nonsensical creatures whose behaviors utterly confound any "true" man. This stereotype implies that women are irrational and it also relieves men from learning how to please their partners and communicate. Is she upset? Ignore her, she is irrational! There is no point in even trying to understand her!

I got 100% too, and I was

I got 100% too, and I was disappointed-- I was looking forward to being told that I don't know anything about women.

My favorite part is the question that asks what women are most concerned about-- I love the answer "trying to pass off as intelligent individuals" or whatever it said. Like I'm trying to convince people that I'm a different species.

i got 100

i saw this quiz on fb the other day and thought i'd probably get a bad score, since i generally hang out with guys. i actually got 100%! admittedly, some of the answers that i put weren't too flattering to women, i thought, but seemed kinda true. it was interesting.

I might just be a women!!

ROTFLMFAOLOLOLOL!! You've Got to be Kidding Me!! 100%!!

50% I picked the answers

50%
I picked the answers that most closely resembled me personally (when there were answers that resembled me in any way). Does that make me only 50% woman?
On a happier note, I learned from a subsequent quiz that I will survive an entire zombie holocaust! Go me!

You're the future

It's actually a very good thing you're only 50 % woman. The rest of you would have to be male, right? So after the zombie holocaust, you can procreate all by yourself and save the human race.

Go you, indeed!

More like how well do you know how to use the shift key!?

The capitalization is atrocious!

And as much as I hate going to places I hate on first dates, "oogling" other women was definitely the correct answer to #15.

____________
Kjerstin Johnson, editor-in-chief
Did someone say "Comments Policy"?

Make it end

Just great, its comforting to know that the scope of human female can be summed up in 4 one sentence selections. What does this really say about the social generalizations made about women? Stupid quizzes like this go a long way to keep reinforcing stereotypes.

This

Though I must add that I don't think there's anyone who can really take this quiz and take it seriously, even the intended audience. I almost want to say, based on how badly mangled the questions are, that the whole thing is an elaborate joke.

I DO have a BIg Hard Ding Dong in my bed...

I mean, it's a Ding Dong snack cake, and I was in the middle of eating it when I fell asleep last night, but it's pretty important to me. In fact, I can't wait to get home to it.

 

____________
Andi Zeisler, cofounder and editorial/creative director

Comments Policy: Like to hear it? Here it go!

since we're on the topic of

since we're on the topic of fucked up facebook quizes, this one is one of my favorites: http://www.official-iq-challenge.com/r-girls-dumb-test/?t202id=8435&t202kw=

Okay, I actually got a score

Okay, I actually got a score of
"Excellent. 100%.
You've Got to be Kidding Me!! Either you're an expert on the field of Women, or you've cheated!! Or else, you might just be a women who has taken the quiz to see if it's really authentic! Whatever it is, Congratulations.... You're an Expert on the most difficult topic on earth.... Women!!"

I was really surprised with my results and then I was thinking that maybe they give everyone a 100% to make quiz takers fragile man egos feel good and also because really women are impossible to understand so it's best to just go into the dating world with confidence and bravado. But then I read your post and saw that that was not the case.

I really enjoyed your thought processes for how you chose your answers. Mine were less amusing. I basically just tried to pick the answer either that I would most prefer, but that was hard because the options were so lacking then I tried to pick the answers that I thought were least insulting to women but obviously that was hard as well.

Yeah, I also got different

Yeah, I also got different answers from the various commenters who also got the 100% score and got different answers from each other. I for one am shocked, shocked to find that on such a well thought out quiz that the scoring system would be so messed up. (snark)

I took this quiz and got

I took this quiz and got 100% I used the information from my Women's Studies class at Fort Lewis, information from history with girlfriends and a lot of stereotyping.
What a bunch of B.S.
The social standards that are set for women in the western world are just being reinforced here.

I got 100%! And you're

I got 100%!

And you're clearly a woman who needs a life if you took the time to write about a quiz on FACEBOOK.

Sounds like you need " A Big, Hard Ding Dong!"

I got a 25%, this shit was

I got a 25%, this shit was full of generalizations... whoever made this quiz is so off its kinda scary. apparently we're all just one silly love-sick baby girl, bitch please

Indeed you girls are

Indeed you girls are "love-sick baby girl" lol OWNED :P yay 1 for me 0 for u lmao jkd :P

Do the math

First question should be how do you score 25% on a 15 question quiz? And the same holds true for 50% score.

LOL! That quiz was so fake!

Really though that quiz was so fake. It was written by one overly romantic girl or some gay guy. (No offense to gays/lesbians). I also got 100% with different answers. I mean come on if a 16yo guy got 100% who is completely straight who occasionally talks to girls how can he get 100%. Totally false...or I am GAY!!! nooo. jk I am not. Its just fake.

Hi there, i took this quiz

Hi there, i took this quiz myself, im a 16 year old male, and i got 100%, i managed to get 100% with the following answers:
1)When she falls deeply in love.
2)Her Partner supports her decision.
3)Small Mirror.
4)Stability.
5)When he says I love you for the first time.
6)Post Menopause
7)Their Status in Society.
8)A home Cooked dinner by her man and a home movie.
9)Closeness from her partner
10)The way they present themselves.
11)Gossip.
12)Their Husbands and how bad they are.
13)Send you suttle glances and smiles to let you know she likes you...
14)Responsible, Stable and Caring.
15)Talk about your Ex-Girlfriend.

i definitely failed this

i definitely failed this quiz. I do not think i will ever understand women. it is so hard to do.

I totally get this

My wife has said the same exact thing for years. I don't understand how no one else understands this. Check out any feminist site, they'll say the same exact thing.

online degrees
best online masters programs
accredited online degree