Douchebag Decree: James O'Keefe

douchebag decree graphic 

 Remember James O'Keefe? I know sometimes it can be hard to keep tabs on all the douches in this world, so I'll remind you: O'Keefe was the guy who scandalized ACORN by pretending to be a pimp and secretly videotaping ACORN employees as he asked them to help him set up brothels and evade taxes. If you didn't think dressing up like a blaxploitation pimp, shaming sex workers, and using dishonestly edited videos to prompt the defunding of an organization dedicated to helping low-income people find housing was enough to secure O'Keefe's status as Mayor of Doucheville, don't fret. It just gets douchier from here.

Yesterday CNN broke the story that O'Keefe had tried to punk them just like he punk'd all those evil advocates for the poor, only this time he failed miserably. O'Keefe told CNN reporter Abbie Boudreau that he wanted to meet with her in person to discuss an interview for a feature CNN is doing on young conservatives. But Boudreau was intercepted by Izzy Santa, O'Keefe's colleague over at the dramatically named Project Veritas, who told Boudreau all about O'Keefe's boneheaded plan to get her on his boat and…do something.

What O'Keefe thought would go down once he got Boudreau aboard the SS Douchebag is pretty unclear, but what is clear is that it was somehow sexual and very, very ridiculous. CNN got their hands on a copy of O'Keefe's master plan, dubbed "CNN Caper" by O'Keefe and his cohorts, who are apparently a bunch of old-timey British detectives. List of supplies for the mission include "fuzzy handcuffs", "condom jar", Alicia Keys music (Marvin Gaye being "too cliché" for this sophisticated project), and an "obvious sex tape machine." The plan also includes a script for the seduction, which anticipates that Boudreau would say things like, "You can't be serious, I'm married," to which O'Keefe would reply, "We have to make the most of the time we're given, and we're being given right now." Looks like someone's seen The Notebook a few too many times.

According to the brilliant strategic document, the plan was to embarrass CNN as payback for sending "bubble-headed-bleach-blondes" like Boudreau to "seduce interviewees to get screwed on television." Because, you know, when you're dealing with a woman, blondeness and conventional attractiveness are sure signs she's both a bimbo and a cunning temptress.

From what I can gather, it appears that O'Keefe wasn't actually planning to try to have sex with Boudreau on the boat. He thought he'd just play at seducing her in order to create "awkwardness," and that's what was supposed to embarrass Boudreau and CNN. Ah-ha! It's the old "embarrass the lady with condoms and Viagra" plan! Works every time! Except, of course, when it backfires and you get a bunch of gooey embarrassment all over yourself.

Comments

14 comments have been made. Post a comment.

all racism, all the time!

SO MANY HIGHLIGHTS to point out here. from the "master plan," i really enjoyed the bullet points about CNN exhibiting an "internal racism against whites," followed immediately by "potential internal racism against minorities." I'd like to, among other things, be a fly on the wall when someone whispers to O'Keefe that "whites" actually ARE a minority. So at least CNN's internal racism is, you know, consistent.
Oh, James. You're getting too excited about your CNN hatred, and you totally shot your "pick an argument and stick with it" wad early. UH-gain.

____________
Katie Presley, New Media Intern
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's our Comments Policy

You just know he would have

You just know he would have preemed before she even got her shirt off.

BWAHAHAHA

I'm sorry, I'm laughing too hard to even begin to say something critical or observant. This is like a bad sitcom plot, this is. "I know! I'll break out the old 'condom jar' and make her uncomfortable (and maybe get laid)! Brilliant! And totally 100% foolproof, obviously!"

This man doesn't have kids, does he?

How ironic...

...that the phrase "bubble-headed bleach-blonde" is taken directly from the song (a childhood favorite of mine, even) "Dirty Laundry" by Don Henley, who loathes all things conservative and sensationalistic. "Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down," indeed. What a monster.

Oh yes, Abbie Boudreau must

Oh yes, Abbie Boudreau must be an idiot because she's a blonde - no matter that she won a freakin Livingston Award. You know, us blondes are just idiots waiting around to be seduced by anyone.

Ugh, James O'Keefe is a racist, sexist, douchebag - and the entirety of his "script" just further confirms that fact. What further irritates me is that the media keeps referring to O'Keefe as a "journalist," if he's a journalist, then I'm queen of the world.

In the document, he spells

In the document, he spells out what the "joke" is (which, if you have to say it...) and the whole idea he's running with here is that CNN only hires these "hot blonds" to "seduce" their journalistic subjects. I'd really like to hear what he thinks Ms. Boudreau has been doing that's so "seductive."

These people...you're right. They're not journalists. They have no sense of professional ethics. Or, you know, decency.

"ideally wearing gold chains..."

WOW. I just read the fake script that James and a colleague wrote in order to predict how things might go down with Boudreau, and it is douche-tastic. An excerpt:

"....AB: Is this a gag? (x1)
JO: Abbie, I'm not really into S&M, so I don't have any toys like that..
AB: No this is this a joke, are you kidding? (x2)
JO: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were talking about S&M, what do you mean is this a gag?
AB: You can't be serious, I'm married. (x3)

Oh, and there's a part where they describe how James should look/behave:

The persona should be very touchy-feely, ideally wearing gold chains and with cigarettes.

More here, including some practice "jokes and one-liners." Yikes.
____________
Kelsey Wallace, web editor

Ask me about our Comments Policy!

____________
Kelsey Wallace, contributor

Ask me about our Comments Policy!

I think my favorite line is

I think my favorite line is "James should have a more sleazy persona than normal."

The whole thing reads like some kids who are in a Secret Club coming up with their Secret Plans wrote it. "We need: some engineer/video type people, and a camera, and a boat." The Timeline is pretty special, too. Oh, the whole thing is special. I'm so grateful for the person who tipped Abbie Boudreau off.

Gold chains and cigarettes?

Gold chains and cigarettes? What a hottie!!

The Term Douchbag Is Too Nice And He's Only One Of Them

Douchebag is too nice a word for James O'Keefe III or for his despicable "dirty tricks" cabal of friends. For the most part they have gotten away with causing untold tens of thousands or possibly hundreds of thousands of potential voters to be disenfranchised with their methods. He was part of the campaign against Acorn that included a staged heavily edited "undercover videos" was waged. Voter registrations were challenged and tossed out and Acorn's work registering impoverished people to vote was brought to a stop. The House of Representatives passed an Amendment cutting of Acorn's funding.

Neither the criminal conviction via plea bargain of James O'Keefe III back in May of this year following his arrest while posing as a telephone repairman trying to gain access to a phone closet in the offices of Senator Mary Landrieu nor the warning from Media Matters for America titled: "Memo to media: Do not trust Andrew Breitbart and James O'Keefe" obviously did nothing to deter O'Keefe, nor did it deter him and his co-conspiritors when Jaun Carlos Vera sued James O'Keefe III and Hanna Giles, filing a Complaint for Damages for Violation of California Penal Code Section 632 et sequitor in the United States District Court in and for the Southern District of California on July 8th of 2010.

So now that he's been caught trying to smear CNN and its Investigative Correspondent Abbie Boudreau will CNN finally expose the workings of the Republican smear machine itself or will they just pass it off as one or two douchebags caught in the act? He's more that just a demented slimeball. He's part of a gigantic slime machine.

"slime machine"

i really like that. i was thinking of him as a katamari of scum, myself.

this guy, i swear...

as offensive and disgusting as this all is, there's a part of me (more like a majority) that just completely cracks up. when i read his plan all i could do was laugh and say, "really? seriously??" was o'keefe raised by a speak & spell loaded with limbaugh and a VCR stuffed with john hughes knockoff movies? how could anybody--let alone a group of people--think this was a remotely plausible plan?

i guess the latter is the sad, kind of scary part. he did get a group of people in on this, he managed to find people who could look at his plan and think, "hey, this looks awesome, let's do it!" mind-boggling.

How is this concept any more

How is this concept any more implausible than a pimp who wants tax advice on how to run an underage sex ring to fund his congressional campaign?

He found more a few ACORN workers who made that ridiculous idea a sensation. He doesn't need to bat one thousand when he's always swinging for the fences. (I imagine more of Sacha Baron Cohen's video went unpublished than made it into Borat and Bruno).

I wonder what would have happened if Boudreau hadn't been tipped off. Most likely she would have left and told him it was unprofessional of him and there would have been no story (or video from O' Keefe). But maybe there was a 1 in 10 chance that she put up with a few clumsy sleazy advances in order to get a "scoop."

This was pretty much a no-lose for O' Keefe until Boudreau was tipped off. Even with the tip off story, it doesn't hurt him much. He sent the MSM the clear message that he sees them coming for him.

James O'Keefe Has No Shame

The focus on Mr. O'Keefe et al's conniving and misdeeds should not be on the plausibility of any one of their multiple or lack thereof, but rather, the focus should be and is on the fact that this person and his cohorts are part of the still active DIRTY TRICKS slime machine that has been operating continuously since the Nixon era. The fact of the matter is that he has no shame.

From Salon.com: James O'Keefe defends "sex boat" prank" .