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Douchebag Decree: Forgive Me Father For You Are a Douchebag!

Pope Benedict XVI
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If Sinead O'Connor can rip up a picture of the Pope, then I can certainly call him a douchebag! (See Mom and Dad, I can still make LSAT approved if/then statements). With the recent (read: this wave of crisis) sexual abuse scandal rocking the Catholic church, there is no other choice than to demand more of Pope Benedict XVI and unless he wants to keep being branded a big old doucher, we're going to need some big old action and soon!

Then Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (changing your name when you become Pope, how sketchy is that?), future Pope Benedict XVI faces allegations of covering up the sexual abuse committed by priests under his watch. He was "allegedly" (mainstream media, you've taught me well) copied on a memo that notified him that Reverend Peter Hullermann (whom the future Pope had ok-ed sending to therapy in 1980 to "combat" paedophilia) would return to his churchly duties a mere number of days after beginning Church-approved psychiatric treatment. A reinstated Hullermann then proceeded to molest boys in another parish, free from the climate of suspicion that shrouded his former post.

But hold the Pope accountable for this? The Archdiocese of Munich issued a statement a few weeks ago that refocused responsibility for the decision on Ratzinger's deputy, Reverend Gerhard Gruber. If becoming the world's most powerful religious leader rests on the reality of shifting blame to any and all possible scapegoats (the Catholic church NEVER does THIS!), then Ratzinger, you were destined for greatness in 1980!

If this was Celebrity Apprentice, as project manager, Pope Benedict would be fired! Donald Trump is a promoter of delegating, but come on man; you've got to be responsible for what's going on under your watch!

Though the Pope has vowed to carefully consider this abuse crisis and to make some notable change (spurred on by recent meetings with sexual abuse survivors in Malta), the question of past "solutions" (like ya know, suggesting that priests in educational institutions be transferred to all-girls' schools) rearing their ugly heads again weighs heavily on the minds and efforts of anti-sexual assault advocates and concerned feminists. Why is it conveniently appropriate for the church to dismiss homosexuality in the context of paedophilia but still tote that gay marriage is the greatest oxymoron of our time? Bitch, please.

In a recent homily, Benedict condemned historical dictatorships (read: Nazis and socialists) adding that currently there are numerous "subtle forms of dictatorship" like "conformism." Or, um, like the superstructure of an organized religion?!

Until those who perpetrate abuse based on their positions of (patriarchal) power and authority are held accountable, we cannot move forward in all attempts for equal rights and treatment for those marginalized as a result (whether it be on the axis of gender, race, sexuality, ability, age, or some combination of all and others). Protecting your cronies (a French bishop was praised by his Cardinal for not reporting an abusive priest to authorities!) at the expense of those whose spiritual and religious well-being you are entrusted to nourish and guide, makes you no better than the predecessors of your post, Benedict (Arnold)! It's 2010, Catholic church, and though you are attempting to stay current and relevant, maybe it's high time you worked towards ending the legacy of injustice that you've worked so hard to protect, too!

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Comments

11 comments have been made. Post a comment.

What about Ben?

Ben Roethlisberger is also a great candidate this week.

Big Ben

Yep, Big Ben has been a prime candidate several weeks this year already. We're considering including him in a roundup of Douchebag Decree All-Stars, for the perennial D-bags who haven't perhaps been adequately honored in this space but whose dogged douchery must be acknowledged. Stay tuned (and feel free to nominate others!)

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Andi Zeisler, cofounder and editorial/creative director

Comments Policy: Like to hear it? Here it go!

I second Ben

And again I say, amen.

Agreed!

Agreed!

I believe the proper response is...

amen.

Ditto for us :)

Ditto for us :)

Oh hell yea. Sigh, it's so

Oh hell yea. Sigh, it's so hard to be a good Catholic these days.

I was hoping that last link

I was hoping that last link was to a picture of Buddy Christ.

While you're at it...

...after reading this article in the NY Times, I find myself wondering whether Pope Benedict XVI is more or less of a douche than Pope John Paul II. Considering he is actually attempting to grapple with the problem, while John Paul II seemed to do as little as possible, right now I'm leaning towards less.

That said, we are talking about leaders of a religion that both sides of my family ran away from almost a century ago. So in the end there isn't much of a difference in douchiness-level from my viewpoint.

It is standard practice for

It is standard practice for a pope to take a new name. You know, Catholics are big on tradition and what not. While, its coming out that JPII dropped the ball repeatedly when dealing with abusive priests, its now Benedicts turn to clean it all up. He needs to either make drastic improvements immediately or step down and let the next guy do it. Hopefully, the first, since he was chosen to clean house (he is God's rottweiler) and then kick the bucket. Maybe then the Catholic Church can recover to normal creepiness, instead of their current criminal creepiness.

An endorsement from Ontario, Canada

To add to the general douchiness of the Catholic Church as an institution: the Ontario provincial government has "delayed" implimentation of updates to the sex ed curriculum which would include talking points on same-sex families, masturbation, and oral and anal sex (in discussion around safer sex), mostly due to pressure from our publically-funded Catholic school board.

http://www.canada.com/life/gives+controversial+proposal+serious+rethink/...