BitchTapes: Beach Party!

It seems like just yesterday we were transitioning from winter to spring... but now summer is here! And with it comes a steep, almost exponential increase in readily available advice on how to hate your body, courtesy of the magazine rack. There's plenty of instructions on how to flatten your stomach (don't breathe) and mandates to buy rhinestone-encrusted flip-flops and expensive bathing suits that won't fit you. Glamour even has the "best swimsuits for every body"... as long as your body closely resembles any of their three virtually identical cover models). Yes, these magazines are indeed useful in the summertime - they can be used as fuel for beach bonfires or wrapped around greasy hot dogs straight off the grill. You can use them to disguise that box full of fireworks, make a distinguished paper fan, create cute little bowls or coasters... the possibilities are endless, really.

1. Surfin' USA - The Beach Boys
Too obvious? Nahhh.

2. Under the Boardwalk - The Drifters
I like this song because it references an essential part of the beach boardwalk experience: the food. Also because it has a guiro!

3. (Remember) Walkin' In the Sand - The Shangri-Las
Another obvious choice, but nostalgic pop songs are some of the best beach music.

4. Sea Cruise - Frankie Ford
This 1959 hit features some cheesy "crashing wave" noises in the intro and outro that actually sound more like an oncoming train than the ocean.

5. Kimya Dawson, This Song Is Not About You But Will You Be Our Friend - Peggy Sue
And with this charming track, we enter the "modern indie" portion of our mixtape.

6. OK!... Lobster - Hello Seahorse
If this song doesn't cheer you up, I really have nothing else for you.

7. Long Walk on the Beach - Grass Widow
Grass Widow also likes doomy candlelit dinners, in case you were wondering.

8. Beach Party Tonight! - Hard Girls
This song sensibly advises you to bring your own sweater to the beach party, because it can get really cold there at night.

9. Turtle Island - Beach House
I like turtles.

10. Beach Girls - Sleigh Bells
11. Back to the Sea - The Thermals
And the last leg of this mixtape is electronic music!

12. Hey Rubella - Tracy + The Plastics
This song isn't beach-themed at all, but I enjoy listening to it when I am driving to the beach, so there you go.

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Comments

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The guy ones are coming out

The guy ones are coming out to "how to get 8 pack abs" cover of men's health. I can't believe guys are buying into this now too.

I know there are a plethora of women geared magazines out there that are total shallow trash. I am a guy and i would date Roseanne Bar over any women who subscribed to one of those magazines. One of the first things i look for are there interest in these kind of magazines if they like them i end it on the spot. Being a genuine person and regularly reading that stuff is not possible. I think it is a serious indicator of their character. Why are there so many of them in circulation? Why do they thrive and your magazine dies off?

Well...

Being a genuine person and regularly reading that stuff is not possible.

Can't agree with that. Just on the most basic level, you have to read these magazines to be able to (credibly) critique them. The joys of pop culture are not so black and white; we all have our guilty pleasures, and as long as we engage critically with them and examine the messages we have the potential to internalize, I don't think we should be judged quite so harshly.

You can probably tell I have some personal experience in the matter: I used to indulge in Glamour. While it was mostly about relaxation and frivolity, they're the ones who introduced me to Jennifer Baumgardner, who was invaluable in my development as a feminist and proud queer woman. Eventually, I made the decision to stop reading it, because it was becoming increasingly hard not to dwell on the ads and let them contribute to my then-unhealthy body image. Because of Baumgardner, though, along with a number of the other subjects and authors of the "politics" and otherwise "serious" columns, I doubt I'll ever regret reading it.