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Bitch in a Box: Holiday Gift Guide, Jet-Set Sex Edition!

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Holidays are a time of giving, food, and family. And travel. And stress. Some of us are going to want to relieve some of that stress. And those of us who do don't need to be reminded by a certain airline-employed stranger to "Get your freak on, girl" upon arriving at our destination. While we fully encourage flying your "freak" flag often and proudly, between full-body pat downs and X-ray scanners, some may feel that security fondles our goodies enough. Though traveling with sex toys is common—not to mention perfectly legal—certain toys, like the two-pound, foot-long, stainless steel Njoy Eleven dildo will, unfortunately, need to be checked. Gifting for a jet-setting, carry-on-only type of sexual human being? Here's what to give them.

An Incognito Sex Toy

Pink Lelo vibe in a purse. It looks like a tube of lipstickTreat your gift recipient to some vibration without shaking things up at security with the Lelo Mia vibe which is perfectly disguised as a tube of lipstick, packs a variety of pulsation settings, recharges in the USB port of your computer, and features a handy travel lock.

The Sexy Shower Sponge—a regular bath sponge hiding a waterproof mini-bullet vibe in a secret pouch—is sure to put the "rub" back in anyone's scrubbing and won't cause any awkward alarm while staying as a holiday house guest. rubber duckie in a santa hatOr, for a naughty twist on the classic bath toy, avoid making waves at airline checkpoints with I Rub My Duckie vibes: cutesy-but-strong vibrators in a variety of customs-friendly costumes like feather boa-clad Paris Duckie, debaucherous Pirate Duckie, and seasonally appropo Santa Duckie.

Tenga Eggs, male masturbation sleeves packaged in a discreet plastic egg along with a little one-time use lube packet, come in a variety of fun textures and are the perfect thing to crack open before a boring holiday brunch or halfway through a long flight.

Sweet Treats

Candles that dissolve into warm, soy-based massage oil make a sexy stocking stuffer for the shy romantic. Spread the holiday cheer on your sweetie's skin with Jimmy Jane's special holiday edition Truffle & Gardenia scent or one of Earthly Body's edible candles.

Not-So-Sweet Treats

a variety of gingerbread people in sex positions, including bondage, woman on top, from behind, and oral sexLooking for other edible goodies sure to get your stocking stuffed? Make a batch of devious delicacies with penis-shaped cookie-cutters from bachelorette.com, boobie cake tins from chocolatefantasies.com, and compromisingly positioned Kama Sutra Kookie Kutters from play.com that offer all kinds of creative places to squirt your decorative frosting.

Complete the package with the the Cookie Sutra, a pun-riddled masterpiece clearly written in a stoned, yuletide haze by Edward Jaye. Practical kama-sutra inspired sex advice for gingerbread people and non-gingerbread people alike complimented by explicit pictures of kinky cookies in all sorts of positions, this book will surely shake your belly like a bowl full of jelly. With a subtitle that reads "An Ancient Treatise: That Love Shall Never Grow Stale. Nor Crumble" and holiday dessert-centric advice such as "Like climbing into a glass of warm milk, a good bath can work wonders. Even on tough cookies," how could it not?

Previously: Calendars Edition, Tea Drinker's Edition

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Excellent! Thanks a lot for

Excellent! Thanks a lot for compiling this guide!