Break ups can be a real bitch, can't they? Wouldn't it be nice if both parties could just go their separate ways, cordially, without rancor, and without, say, the desire to take a Louisville slugger to anyone's headlights, to make harassing phone calls at dinnertime, name-calling, jealousy, screaming, crying on the kitchen floor, all five stages of grief, begging, pity parties, ill-advised sex, or way-too-long Dear John messages left on answering machines?
Well, here's a li'l mixtape to get all of that out of your (or your ex's) system, for any future break ups you might experience. These artists do all the heavy emotional lifting--and tire-slashing--so you don't have to. Once played, this mix will enable the listener to make a crime-free, self-respecting, graceful exit. I guarantee it.
LTJFilms and Bring Your Own Improv, with this amazing infomercial:
For their excellent work, these folks will receive a lifetime subscription to Bitch! (As well as all the fame and fortune that this website can provide.) Thanks to Beth Czerny, Beth Hicks, Mary Ferrara, Valerie Fogg, Adam Kennedy, Jimmy Sorel, Henry Ben Clarendon, Laurelin Sitterly, Mel Dupont, Daniel Lee White, Amber Guillet, Ryan Soper, Thomas Barganski, Chris Magdalenski, and anyone else who may have worked on this for your hilarious, informative, and ridiculously good submission. A well-deserved win, indeed.
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I've heard this "gay is the new black" sentiment a few times in the very recent past, and I'm beginning to think it's less of a coincidence and more of the current mood. After hearing it yesterday on the Tyra Show, I'm convinced that what we've got on our hands is the media's latest attempt to pit two marginalized groups against each other.
Move over, Jon and Kate, and scoot down the bench, all you Duggars -- there's a new big family reality show on the block! It's called Fostering Love, and it's got a uniquely Californian twist on the genre: a same-sex couple expanding their family through pretty much every type of reproductive technology available. Also, they move to an alpaca farm. It's awesome.
So, I was tooling around the Interwebs the other day trying to find some old-school ladies' sports footage for that last blog piece, and I stumbled upon some pretty sweet YouTubery—the site is loaded with tons of amazing bits of video that relates to women and sports. I ended up spending the last two days hovered over my laptop trolling through dozens of old newsreels, current news bits, interviews, play-by-play excerpts, and pretty much everything else you could think of, and I found plenty of stuff to pass on, some of it inspiring, some of it totally depressing, but all of it fascinating.
So, kicking things off is the old newsreel obituary for the great Babe Didrikson, who may be the best female athlete to ever live. She died of cancer at the age of 42, after basically kicking ass her entire life. Here's how ESPN describes her:
The first to prove a girl could be a stud athlete, Babe Didrikson began as a muscular phenom who mastered many sports and ended as a brilliant golfer. An exuberant tomboy whose life was athletics, she was accomplished in just about every sport - basketball, track, golf, baseball, tennis, swimming, diving, boxing, volleyball, handball, bowling, billiards, skating and cycling. When asked if there was anything she didn't play, she said, "Yeah, dolls."
Americans love our fast food, and you know what we like most about it? It's not the trans fats, or the corporatization of farming, or even the ridiculous amount of waste the packaging generates (so if you guessed one of those, you're out of luck). Nope, our favorite thing about our favorite type of food is... offensive commercials! If it weren't, then why would EVERY f*ing fast food chain in the country advertise its plastic-y foods with a ridiculously offensive ad campaign?
So, in honor of America's apparent love of offensive fast food commercials, we're having (wait for it...) AN OFFENSIVE FAST FOOD COMMERCIAL SHOWDOWN! The contestants for this showdown include a date-rapey toaster oven, a Warrant-loving park pervert, and a booty-shaking creeper in a king mask. Four ads enter, one ad leaves! Which will reign supreme as the most offensive fast food commercial? YOU MAKE THE CALL! (Oh, and warning: These ads contain ads)
Our first contestant is an ad for Jack-in-the-Box smoothies:
I'm sorry, did that man in the bobble head just call menopausal women "street rat crazy"? WTF? More, after the jump!