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Oh, hey, it's Halloween everybody! Halloween, of course, is the holiday when we celebrate terror, goofy outfits, and bad life decisions made at parties that get ever-so-slightly out-of hand. I'm sure lots of you will be celebrating this sacred day with "costumes" and "parties" and "actually leaving the house." But, as for me - having failed, for the second year in a row now, to assemble a sufficiently creepy Dov Charney costume (BEHOLD THE TRUE FACE OF FEAR*) - I will be celebrating by "blogging." And I invite you to celebrate with me! Put down your various judgment-impeding beverages, leave your friends behind, and join me, on this guided Internet tour of POP-RELATED CELEBRITY HORROR. Featuring: 

LADY GAGA as... THE FACE OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING! 

So, Halloween is upon us once again. Or, as I like to call it, "The Night of a Thousand Gagas."

You guys! SO MANY PEOPLE are going to be Lady Gaga! You can find tips on how to be the Gaga of your choice; you can design your own Gaga; a close friend of mine is getting into the spirit by manufacturing multiple Gaga costumes for a Gaga-themed party. 

The appeal of the Gaga costume is undeniable. For one thing, it is easy. It goes (a) blond wig, (b) sunglasses, (c) the most absurd thing you can think of. Do you have a leather jacket? Would you consider wearing it with a swimsuit? Lady Gaga sure would! BLAM, Halloween costume achieved. But then, there's another factor: the fact that the entire "Lady Gaga" concept is, basically, a Halloween costume already. Gaga just wears it all year round. 

It's almost Halloween, which means I'll be a little anxious trying to figure out what the hell to dress as this year, as I do every year. Yet, were I to go to a Halloween costume store and try to find something, I wouldn't really be able to find anything that exciting. Scary, sure. But not in a Halloween scary way. I'd find a lot of ridiculous outfits of all kinds that require garter belts, knee-high boots and close-to-nothing tops but that are somehow "different characters". Yes, it's true that the contention for Halloween costumes for ladies is not a new beef: it's been quite awhile since "sexy" Halloween costumes have been all the rage. But when did Spongebob become sexy? Is Pocahottie seriously a choice? And Strawberry Shortcake in thigh-highs? This week's Douchebag Decree is dedicated to Spirit Halloween Store because if you don't want to bear your bosom in the name of dress up fun, well sister, you're shit out of luck.