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Oh, hey, it's Halloween everybody! Halloween, of course, is the holiday when we celebrate terror, goofy outfits, and bad life decisions made at parties that get ever-so-slightly out-of hand. I'm sure lots of you will be celebrating this sacred day with "costumes" and "parties" and "actually leaving the house." But, as for me - having failed, for the second year in a row now, to assemble a sufficiently creepy Dov Charney costume (BEHOLD THE TRUE FACE OF FEAR*) - I will be celebrating by "blogging." And I invite you to celebrate with me! Put down your various judgment-impeding beverages, leave your friends behind, and join me, on this guided Internet tour of POP-RELATED CELEBRITY HORROR. Featuring: 

LADY GAGA as... THE FACE OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING! 

Dear Lord, Taylor Swift fans! I cannot keep up with you! Witness just a sampling of the very angry comments on my Taylor Swift post of last week: 

Personally I think she is kind of silly, but I can understand why so
many people like [Taylor]. Especially teen girls. She tells girls that its
okay to wear "T-shirts and sneakers" instead of "High heals and short
skirts". She is an alternative to the super pornified world we live in. 

And: 

at least taylor doesnt cater to some stupid male fantasy where you can
only have sex for mens fantasies. What about the Katy Perry's and the
Megan Fox's who are only sexual for the pleasure of men. "I love sex, I
like it 24/7, but only with a MAN that i love, one noght stands make me
sick, they're gross, unless its with a girl while my man watches!".
Perpetuating sexist girl on girl male fantasies and marketing them as
objects to sell, the girl on girl thing is a way of life for some
people and they are objectifying it. Not to mention that girls like
Megan get huge amounts of Plastic Surgery have a career based on their
looks and then call themselves feminists.

Ladies, gentlemen: it is time to discuss the pernicious influence of Taylor Swift on our society today.

Oh, I know. I've heard all the pro-Taylor propaganda - about how she's a "good role model," and an antidote to your Lohans or your Hiltons or your Gagas or whatever other female celebrities are being held up as examples of Moral Decay this week. Taylor is so SWEET. Taylor is so CUTE. Did you SEE that video where Taylor was insanely obsessed with that one boy but could not possibly be with him because she had GLASSES? Unlike that slutty mean POPULAR girl, who had the temerity to date a dude and disagree with him at times and be more socially adept than Video-Taylor! Clearly, Taylor speaks for us all! 

You know what's fun about this New York Times article about how the Twilight soundtrack might save the money-hemorrhaging record industry? That it has only one mention of who is most likely to buy tie-in Twilight products.

You know: girls. 

Ah, the VMAs! Pop spectacle at its finest! If, by "finest," you mean "most spectacularly overhyped and therefore ripe for viewer disappointment." Which is what I mean, actually, so I'm good. And today, in my quest to provide you with the least timely post on the VMAs EVER, I present you with three defining moments. Which is most disappointing? That is for you (by which I mean "me," since I am writing this blog post) to decide!

 #1. KANYE WEST IS YOUR DRUNK UNCLE