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Dear Adam Lambert,

We need to talk. 

I'm going to come out and say something right now, Adam Lambert: I don't get you. I know a lot of people were really excited about you when you were on American Idol. Just the fact that you existed, and were doing well on the show, seemed to be making them happy. And those people usually seemed to be coming from a very sweet, genuine place. I mean, I don't want to reduce you to your sexuality, but: you made a lot of people feel good, apparently, just by accepting your sexuality and not ever really steering away from it and doing a good job on a show that relies on winning over the American public. I'm happy that you made people feel that good. It's a worthwhile pursuit. Good job.

I don't really watch American Idol. I did tune in for an episode or two last season, when everyone on the planet was going nuts over the fact that Adam Lambert, a more-or-less openly gay dude and confirmed musical weirdo, had an actual chance at winning it. Unfortunately, the episode that I tuned in for was the one where he sang "Feeling Good," a song I have always really loved coming from Nina Simone, and around the time he hit that bizarre three-year-long air-raid-siren high note ("feelAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGG") I was like, "oh. Good for you, Adam Lambert! Allow me to support you through the use of the 'mute' button."

So, no. Aside from seeing the clips that everyone else sees (because they are everywhere, and there is no way not to see them) I'm not a fan. Still, the news that Ellen DeGeneres is going to be replacing Paula Abdul as a judge in the next season of the show is interesting.