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Sex and Sexuality

She Pop: Sacrificial Virgins: On Britney Spears, Aging, and the Lure of Female Pain

Sex and Sexuality post by SadyDoyle on September 23, 2009 - 7:24pm; tagged britney spears, neely o'hara, shaming, virgin/whore.

I have an exciting piece of news for you: Britney Spears has been making music for ten years, because you are getting old and will die someday. True, scientists have not yet discovered a direct causal link between Britney Spears having been around for ten years and the fact that time marches ever forward, bringing you with each moment closer to the grave! I am fairly certain, however, that this "mortality" thing is more or less directly her fault.

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9 comments

Bed, Bitch & Beyond-Readers Strap On!: Your Response to "Rear Ended by Porn"

Sex and Sexuality post by BeckySharper on September 22, 2009 - 4:38pm; tagged Bed Bitch & Beyond.

 

The reader response to "Rear Ended by Porn" was big and vocal, and frankly, pretty awesome, with plenty of you bitches bringing up aspects of the debate that I didn't write about in the original post. There was hateration, too, but I chalk that up to the fact that when you encourage women to take a critical look at their sexual behavior, they're going to resist. Our society feeds us a constant diet of shame and negative messages about sex, so a lot of women automatically default to feeling judged as soon as you suggest that their sexuality might be influenced by something other than their own very special personal free will. But I loved (nearly all) of the responses that I got, especially the one from our righteous feminist sister Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon. Read on...

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40 comments

Bed, Bitch & Beyond: Rear-Ended by Porn

Sex and Sexuality post by BeckySharper on September 20, 2009 - 9:23am; tagged Bed Bitch & Beyond.

Since I wrote some posts blaming sexual behavior trends on porn--including the new enthusiasm for facial cumshots and FFM threesomes--I've gotten multiple reader mail requests to discuss one more staple of mainstream hetero porn: anal sex. A disclaimer before we start: I am not arguing against anal sex. There's nothing wrong with it. It can be pleasurable and enjoyable, and--as with any sex act--if two consenting adults want to engage in it, I don't judge and neither should you. Okay then. Recent scientifc data--which we'll get to in a minute--suggests that heterosexual women, and especially young women, are having anal sex more frequently than ever before. For our mother's and grandmother's generation, anal sex was just about the ultimate taboo, a perverse act that couples rarely did or at least, never admitted to. Not anymore. As with any trend in women's sexual behavior, I think it's fair to examine what cultural influences might account for this change. People are more likely to engage in a formerly taboo sex act if depictions of it are widely available, even celebrated. And where is anal sex eroticized, and depicted as not only normal, but totally hot? Why porn, of course.

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36 comments

On the Map-In Your Facial: Queer Feminist Pornographers

Sex and Sexuality post by Mandy Van Deven on September 16, 2009 - 3:23am; tagged Bren Ryder, Canada, Courtney Trouble, Dirty Diaries, DIY, feminist porn, Good Dyke Porn, Mia Engberg, No Fauxxx, Sweden.

Recently in Sweden, adult film director Mia Engberg received 500,000 kronor ($69,000USD) in public funding from the Swedish Film Institute to create a collection of feminist pornographic films. Just before the final product—entitled Dirty Diaries—was released, conservatives in the European country expressed outrage at their tax dollars being used to fund the film. Ironically, the protesters weren’t upset that the money had paid for the production of pornography, but rather that it was used to further a feminist agenda. When I read about the controversy surrounding Engberg’s film, I couldn’t help being pleased about the Swedish media's engagement in a discourse that escapes so many on this side of the pond.

If you don’t know who Courtney Trouble and Bren Ryder are, it’s probably because you’re not into queer and feminist porn. Here’s a snapshot for the uninitiated: Courtney is an American avant-garde feminist porn director and the founder of No Fauxxx, the longest running queer porn website and social community on the ‘net. Turning away from her pursuit to become a firefighter, Bren decided to create a queer inferno through the adult films made by and shown at Good Dyke Porn. For those interested in what the Anti-Feminist Initiative Swedes were up in arms about, I interviewed two of North America's leading ladies of lasciviousness to engage in a discussion that is pro-porn, pro-queer, and pro-feminist.

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10 comments

Bed, Bitch & Beyond-Menage a Trois: Part Deux

Sex and Sexuality post by BeckySharper on September 14, 2009 - 5:13pm; tagged Bed Bitch & Beyond.

After I posted about threesomes over the weekend, a bunch of comments came flooding in. The responses—both on Bitch and on Facebook--were smart, expressive and even witty. Kudos to those of you who shared advice and stories about threesomes gone right—or wrong! Readers also posted comments that touched on some very relevant issues about female sexuality that I didn't mention in the original post.

Read on for more on threesomes, hetero privilege, "why can't I just be heterosexual?", and why porn has led to straight women feeling pressured to act bi.
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3 comments

Bed, Bath & Beyond: Three Times the Fun? Or Just Sloppy Thirds?

Sex and Sexuality post by BeckySharper on September 12, 2009 - 12:02pm; tagged Bed Bitch & Beyond.

 

 

From the reader mailbag: Curious to know what you and Bitch readers think about threesomes. I tried a threesome, and feelings got hurt just like I'd feared they might. I think you gotta be very sure there's no competition between the three, and everyone really is into it (probably obvious, but you know...)

She’s certainly not alone in her curiosity. In my dating life I seem to encounter a lot of guys who are not shy about hinting—or just plain asking outright—that they would like to have a threesome with another woman. And apparently they are in good company:

"Threesomes are undoubtedly the new 'Holy Grail' of sex," says Vicki Vantoch, author of The Threesome Handbook: A Practical Guide to Sleeping with Three (Thunder's Mouth Press). "Most people have either had a three-way or thought about it. Yes, even women." (ed: because all women are vanilla and only men have kinks? FAIL.) A recent ABC poll ranked threesomes as the most popular fantasy in America."

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35 comments

Bed, Bitch & Beyond-Ex Sex: The Ultimate Recycling

Sex and Sexuality post by BeckySharper on September 2, 2009 - 11:12am; tagged Bed Bitch & Beyond.
In which I ponder the pleasures and perils of having sex with your ex. Does familiarity--or a breakup--breed contempt? Or are your exes a valuable resource in what my friends and I call women's "anti-celibacy campaign?"
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3 comments

Bed, Bitch & Beyond: I (Still) Blame Porn: A Response

Sex and Sexuality post by BeckySharper on August 30, 2009 - 8:17am; tagged Feminist response to pop culture, porn, sex, sexuality, sexualizing, teens.
I opened a big can of feminist worms on Thursday with my post I Blame Porn, In which I talked about how the mainstreaming of mass-produced hetero porn is starting to influence—negatively—the cultural perceptions of what’s sexy, particularly among teenagers. I was stunned by the number of Bitch readers who shouted me down, proclaiming that bald-vadge, facial-cumshot studio-produced porn isn’t misogynist and doesn’t have any effect at all on sexual behavior. The most common reason it couldn’t be bad or misogynist? Because they like it and imitate it and they choose their choice! Free will FTW! Guess what, folks? You can choose your choice, but you do not live—or fuck—in a vacuum. No matter how liberated you think you are, the truth is, your sexual development did not just happen spontaneously. We are having different sex than our mothers did. They had different sex than their mothers did. Why? The changes in their sex lives reflected the huge changes in the culture that they lived in. When society shifts the way it regards sex—and women—our sex lives change. Whether those cultural changes are due to birth control, women's lib, the destigmatizing of gay and premarital sex, greater access to written erotica or internet porn, there's no doubt that when it comes to our sexual behavior CULTURE MATTERS. If you think your sexual desires and behavior just sprang up sui generis because you are a unique individual with free will who's completely uninfluenced by society, you are kidding yourself.
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121 comments

Bed, Bitch & Beyond: I Blame Porn

Sex and Sexuality post by BeckySharper on August 27, 2009 - 4:47pm; tagged Bed Bitch & Beyond, porn, sex, sexuality, teens.

Facials, hairlessness, porn stars as role models...is internet porn changing sex for teenagers and twentysomethings? How has the rise of mainstream, accessible porn started fucking with teenage brains, both male and female?

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140 comments

Beaker Bitch-Snip It Good: U.S. Mulls Making Circumcisions Routine

Sex and Sexuality post by Sarah Mirk on August 26, 2009 - 5:50pm; tagged AIDS, anal sex, Center for Disease Control, circumcision, gay, HIV, homosexuality, male circumcision, penises.
This isn't a post about feminism specifically, but it is about an item some feminists hold near and dear: penises. The U.S. government's Center for Disease Control (CDC) is considering promoting routine circumcision of all American males. They hope cutting off men's foreskins will also cut their risk of transmitting HIV/AIDS. But the CDC's study shows that circumcision does not reduce HIV transmission among the group most at risk in the U.S.: gay males.

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Whoa baby!

Almost 80 percent of American males are circumcised already and many consider circumcision a routine surgery for cultural reasons as well as to reduce the risk of infection. But some people, especially some men who had no say in the matter, push back against the norm.
Obviously, anything that science can do to stem the AIDS epidemic is a welcome discovery. But it's not clear at all that recommending all American males get circumcised would have a significant impact on HIV in America. Groundbreaking studies showed that in Africa, circumcision could reduce transmission of HIV up to 50 percent. But those studies focused on heterosexual sex. The CDC found that the HIV transmission rate among American gay men was the same regardless of whether or not they possessed a foreskin. It looks like circumcision doesn't provide the same protection against AIDS during anal sex as it does during vaginal.

Personally, I find it troubling to promote a surgical procedure on millions of people without their consent (even if they're too young to do anything more than pee and gurgle) without some solid stats proving it could save their lives later on. It's bunk to recommend circumcising all men based on research showing it may only benefit the straights.
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