Sex and Sexuality

Last post, I looked at how BDSM can be used to work through abuse. But what of those who want to use BDSM to move on from, not replay, traumatic pasts? Today, I'm thinking about the difficulty of shedding the "victim" label when an abuse survivor chooses to be kinky...

Where are the kinky ladies who love to spank other ladies at? Unfortunately, in pop culture they're often squarely under the male gaze. In today's post, I turn to literature in search of more diverse representations of lesbian BDSM....

As kink continues to infiltrate the mainstream media so does its accompanying lingo, and one of the terms that's bugging non-kinksters is "vanilla." As folks who've fought against negative labels themselves, should BDSM practitioners quit bandying around this term? Or do we just need to redefine "vanilla" as an equally acceptable sexual choice?

This is the second part of a two-part series on female submission and oppression. Read the first post here.

The woman who admits to enjoying sexual submission often finds herself stuck between the rock of a sexist society that tells her she's just exemplifying women's true nature, and the hard place of a feminist community that considers her brainwashed by the patriarchy. Why is a female submissive so rarely accepted as "a woman just plain getting her rocks off," Cliff Pervocracy wonders? A deeply unhelpful media may be part of the answer. As feminist kinkster Mollena Williams, co-author of Playing Well With Others, points out, "If people see the imagery of BDSM, whips, chains, pain, the serial killers of film and television...? Of course they may be repelled and confused." That itself doesn’t make an activity wrong, or anti-feminist. The feminists who condemn female submissives "mistake their sexual preferences for a universal system that will or should work for everyone," says pro-BDSM feminist Gayle Rubin. When women's sexual behavior is subject to negative scrutiny and found "wanting" by other women, it isn't feminism—it's bigotry, often fueled by little more than personal prejudices.