Are you a woman who secretly enjoys beer yet can't find one girly enough to suit your needs? Would you enjoy beer more if it were pink, low in carbs, and super sweet? Well never fear, because Chick Beer is here!
Today we're making history on the Bitch blog. The Douchebag Decree has been used to call out the likes of politicians, sports stars, pop stars, and internet trolls, but today we're getting real, and awarding the Douchebag Decree to an actual douche.
Have you been following the Scott "rape is a natural instinct" Adams story? If not, hold on to your hat barf bag. Adams, creator of the cartoon Dilbert and noted mega-douche wrote on his blog recently that, among other things, men are naturally prone to raping women (and "tweeting their meat," which he lumps into the same sentence as rape) and society is to blame.
If you're straight, monogamous, and female, Carolyn Evans wants to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE! Her new book, Forty Beads, has "simple, sexy" advice: overcome the "libido gap" between women and men by having sex whenever your husband tells you to.
Wait! Yes, you! Were you about to go buy some stamps? Be careful! According to the American Thinker, American stamps are "childish, silly, and racist"! Now, does that sound like something you'd want to support? Would you want to put "blacks no one has heard of" all over your nice envelope? The Thinker, an ironic title if ever there was one, certainly would NOT. We here at Bitch are henceforth renaming the conservative think tank the American Douchebag.
Have you ever thought about Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, naked? Well, he might be thinking about you naked, and FalseFlesh wants to help him with his dreams. If his dreams are to look at your naked body without your permission. There's an app for that! (Links after the jump are potentially NSFW)
Two students at Texas State University have founded the Former Majority Association for Equality to financially assist white men. Yes, only white men, because according to co-founder William Lake, they are "one group that just doesn't have any support."
No Piers, I'm not calling you out because you routinely dis audience favorites on America's Got Talent (although seriously, dude has built his career makingpeoplecry). No no, you are hereby declared an epic D-bag for interviewing one of the most intelligent, politically savvy women in the world and asking her why she's not married and what she'd cook you for dinner.
Ye Olde Douchebag Decree is going to look a little different today. We've got on our hands a bona fide REFORMED Douchebag, y'all. Call it a Christmas Miracle. Michael Moore, you are the man of the hour. Come on down!
I don't have to tell you that this week has been a total Wikileaks shitshow. But would anyone have guessed that the honoree for Douchebag Decree: Wikileaks Edition would be famed power feminist Naomi Wolf?
Me neither. After all, plenty of media have taken the low road in theorizing about the convenient timing of Interpol's arrest warrant for Wikileaks head Julian Assange on two incidents of, as the official charges read, "rape, sexual molestation, and unlawful coercion." From using facetious quotes around the word "rape" to referencing one accuser's CIA connections to making creepy jokes about the Swedish rape dismissal/descriptor "sex by surprise," it's a veritable douche parade out there in blogland.
But Wolf's supposedly humorous Huffington Post piece, "Julian Assange Captured By World's Dating Police," proved that, despite not knowing any more about the series of incidents that led to Assange's Dec. 7 arrest by Interpol than the rest of us (and perhaps knowing significantly less, seeing as how the sole source she linked to in the piece was Britain's Daily Mail), she was all ready to assert her feminist cred and use it to trivialize what could indeed be valid, actionable incidents of sexual misconduct.