Sometimes it seems futile to try and separate the wheat from the douche from week to week in politics. You just want to give up. I mean whyevenbother? But persevere, everyone, because this week we really got one. We found someone who's douchetastic, factually inaccurate intrusion into women's health actually made Rick Perry look reasonable. Her flagrant douchery even inspired an auxiliary wave of Internet slut-shaming. That's right, it's Michele Bachmann.
In 2009, two adult children filed a lawsuit to sue their mother, Kimberly Garrity, for more than $50,000 in "emotional distress" damages. At the time, twentysomething Steven II and eighteensomething Kathryn alleged their mother failed to do her motherly duties thereby accusing Kimberly Garrrity of bad mothering. All rise for Judge Decree...
It's a little embarrassing to call out Fox News on the Douchebag Decree, because that channel is basically a love letter to this column: "Dear Douchebag Decree, I will always be here for you. You will never be lonely as long as I'm around. Love always, Fox News." But it's also embarrassing to let the outrageously offensive commentary go without reminding the Internet that we DON'T just shake our heads and sigh every time Bill O' Reilly et al. run their fool mouths. We get mad as hell, and we tell people about it. On the Douche slab this week are Dana Perino and the rest of the commentators on "The Five," for their responses to the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) requirement that insurance cover the cost of birth control.
Are you a woman who secretly enjoys beer yet can't find one girly enough to suit your needs? Would you enjoy beer more if it were pink, low in carbs, and super sweet? Well never fear, because Chick Beer is here!
Today we're making history on the Bitch blog. The Douchebag Decree has been used to call out the likes of politicians, sports stars, pop stars, and internet trolls, but today we're getting real, and awarding the Douchebag Decree to an actual douche.
Have you been following the Scott "rape is a natural instinct" Adams story? If not, hold on to your hat barf bag. Adams, creator of the cartoon Dilbert and noted mega-douche wrote on his blog recently that, among other things, men are naturally prone to raping women (and "tweeting their meat," which he lumps into the same sentence as rape) and society is to blame.
If you're straight, monogamous, and female, Carolyn Evans wants to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE! Her new book, Forty Beads, has "simple, sexy" advice: overcome the "libido gap" between women and men by having sex whenever your husband tells you to.
Wait! Yes, you! Were you about to go buy some stamps? Be careful! According to the American Thinker, American stamps are "childish, silly, and racist"! Now, does that sound like something you'd want to support? Would you want to put "blacks no one has heard of" all over your nice envelope? The Thinker, an ironic title if ever there was one, certainly would NOT. We here at Bitch are henceforth renaming the conservative think tank the American Douchebag.
Have you ever thought about Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, naked? Well, he might be thinking about you naked, and FalseFlesh wants to help him with his dreams. If his dreams are to look at your naked body without your permission. There's an app for that! (Links after the jump are potentially NSFW)