Before each Super Bowl, we see media obsess over two things: commercials and halftime performances. And this year was no different, especially with her majesty Beyonce giving what was arguably the best halftime show in the history of the human race.
"The Prom" presents us with the underdog who never gets the girl. But luckily, privileged enough to have access to a new, shiny Audi! He drives it to Prom, parks in the Principal's parking spot (because being "the man" means you have access to everything) and walks straight up to the Prom Queen on the dance floor. Without even a word of consent, he jabs his tongue down her throat.
The commercial ends with him leaving with a black-eye from the Prom King, but smiling, obviously proud of what just happened.
So in summary: if you buy an Audi, feel free start making out with her, no consent necessary, consequences be damned! Now that's romance.
Over the past four years, the Douchebag Decree has become one of the most popular features on the Bitch blogs. Not because Bitch readers love douching—we know you don't!—but because smart, savvy, feminist Bitch readers want to know when someone in the media steps out of line. Whether it's signing a petition to stop the exploitation of girls or boycotting yet another "Just for Men" product, our weekly Douchebag Decrees let readers know what to avoid and what actions to take to push back. And let's just admit it—calling a douche a douche can be kinda therapeutic (and fun, too).
Every once in a while, the stars align and we bestow Ye Olde Decree—named for a feminine hygiene product—on an actual feminine hygiene product. Today is one of those star-aligning days: Meet this week's Decreed Douchebag, Damiva.
In advance of the parade, Macy's been receiving attention for more than the promise of giant floats and huge crowds. It turns out that the public opinion of Macy's spokesman and erstwhile racist conspiracy theorist Donald Trump leaves much to be desired. Signon.org has created a petition urging Macy's President and CEO to "Dump the Trump," as he fails to represent the "magic of Macy's."
My what a douche-y week! In desperate times like these, we feminists have only one option.... A douche-off! In one corner, we have Ann "R-word tweeter" Coulter, an awful person if there ever was one. In the other corner we have Richard "God intended rape pregnancies" Mourdock, who is also terrible. Two douches enter, one douche leaves!
Some weeks you just want to burn down the whole Internet, and—well, until yesterday's torrent of hilarious post-debate memes, anyway—this has undoubtedly been one of those weeks.
Last Friday afternoon, as you might have heard, or read, or absorbed via social-media osmosis, Gawker's Adrian Chen posted a long, suspenseful post that unmasked a guy named Michael Brutsch, a 49-year-old Texan who for years has been one of Reddit's most prolific and most disturbing contributors. Known online as ViolentAcrez, Brutsch created "subreddits," or forums, with titles like "Incest," "Chokeabitch," "Rapebait," and "PicsofDeadJailbait," and oh so many more, and was one of the main curators of the lately notorious "Creepshots" forums, in which dudes post photos of women taken surreptitiously in public, in order to perv out on both the photos themselves and their nonconsensual provenance.
This isn't a Douchebag Decree about Michael Brutsch, however.
Here's a brief test of étiquette. You're a writer accused of asking an inappropriate question to a famous actor in a national magazine. Another writer takes you to task for what she sees as a history of this kind of inappropriateness. Your response?
a.) Ignore the criticism—you can't please everyone, right?
b.) Explain yourself—you really didn't intend to offend.
c.) Promptly imply that the other writer is jealous and unfuckable.
If you answered c.), hey! You must be Andrew Goldman! Step right up here to accept this week's Douchebag Decree.